Any couples living separately before marriage?

View Quoted Comment Well said!! We are also living apart until marriage. It's our choice. We are older and both have houses, but still we could live together, but we'd rather wait. For us it is for religious reasons and the fact that we respect each other. I don't fault others who feel differently.

Do what feels right for you as a couple; it makes no difference what anyone on these boards thinks on way or the other.

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Yes, you did. You insinuated in your OP that his parents are questionable Christians because they're urging you both to move in together before marriage.

View Quoted Comment Hi there,
Lets agree to disagree.
And for the record I become annoyed with ANYONE regardless of religious affiliation, pressuring me to do something that i don't want to do.
Take care.

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There's nothing to agree to disagree on. This isn't an opinion. You yourself questioned their Christianity because they urged you to live together before marriage. That's a fact, not an opinion.

View Quoted Comment I wasn't questioning their Christianity. I was taken back by their pressure and didn't expect ot because of their religious beliefs.

View Quoted Comment It's a fact that you never even answered my original post :-(

View Quoted Comment What is important, is doing the right thing for you as a couple. Not parents, not preachers , not peers. For you. Have a long and happy marriage!

View Quoted Comment Thank you for giving your opinion politely, Judith.

I did not live with my husband before marriage. I don't think we had any harder of a time "adjusting" despite the fact that our wedding night was the first night we spent together. I loved the fact that when we got married, there was actually a noticeable difference in every aspect of our lives! we knew each other well enough to know there wouldn't be any big surprises once I did move in. I did feel like we were some of the only people we knew in our 30s who chose to live separately until marriage, though.

View Quoted Comment I feel ya, Anna. It's rare for us millennials. Thanks for sharing.

I'm not Christian but I didn't live with my fiancé (now husband) before marriage. We definitely made sure we knew each other's financial situation and domestic habits before getting engaged, though.

Well, we were together for five years and we lived together for five months because he moved with me when I had an internship and it was just practical (and I knew it was temporary). We slept over at each other's houses every night.

So yeah, it wasn't a purity thing or anything like that --- we lived in an area where housing was VERY difficult, and I didn't want to get into a situation where we wanted to end the relationship but couldn't because of our lease. I'd been in a terrible situation like that before and wasn't ever going to do it again. When I had to move out of state for work, it was a nice bonus that I wasn't disrupting his housing situation at all (because, again, obtaining affordable housing was so tough).

Now we live together (obviously LOL) and we've agreed we're NEVER living apart ever again!!!

View Quoted Comment Okay, thanks for sharing your perspective and experiences, Chelsea.

We're not living together until after marriage! We are Christian, and it was important for us to maintain some personal boundaries before marriage.

View Quoted Comment Good for you!! It's hard to have that type of discipline these days.

We've been living together for 3 years now, but dated for more than 4 before we moved in together. I know many people say there were things to work out when they first moved in with their partner but for us it wasn't that way at all! It felt like the most natural thing in the world, we had zero issues. Even so, I personally wouldn't have been comfortable committing to someone for life without living with them first. But I have nothing against those who don't feel that way! As someone brought up, it's expensive to live on your own and I think that as the average age of marriage goes up, the more likely it is for people to move in together first. My FH and I both had roommates but over time our roommates got engaged/ moved in with THEIR partners and as I was getting older I was not interested in finding someone new to live with.

View Quoted Comment Okay, thanks for sharing, Bethany! 😊😊😊😊

Personally I would never marry someone without living with them first. It's easier to learn each other's habits and quirks before you decide to marry them than to find out later one or both of you does something that the other cannot live with.


Most people who live separately before marriage are doing so strictly because their religion and clergy dictates it and is not practical for the world we're in today. But that is not a reason to judge others who live different from their neighbor. Figure out what works for you and keep everyone else out of your personal business, including houses of worship.

View Quoted Comment Hi Michelle,
Yes, that is a pro. One con to point out is that many people's judgement is clouded when living and/or having sex with a significant other... And one can marry someone not rigjt for them, ESPECIALLY after purchasing a house together, having children, etc.

View Quoted Comment I'd argue the opposite is true - your judgement is clouded when you don't live together or have sex because you actually don't have anything to judge so you're basing everything off of a fantasy of what it's going to be like when you finally do live together or have sex. When you already get those things out of the way, you're more knowledgeable about the person. You hear how loud he snores in the middle of the night. He sees you with bedhead and no makeup every morning. It helps you get past the honeymoon phase and into more of an understanding of your partner as a complete person, with all the small details. I actually think there's something really romantic about that compared to entering a marriage with idealized anticipation but no experience. Just my two cents. Always do what's best for you. I do agree though that some people feel obligated to get married if they already have a house or kids with someone and may not think clearly about whether that's really the best choice.