Any other Nb/gnc/trans people on here?

Hey Matty!! Congrats on getting married!!! I’m a femme cis woman and my wife is a masc of center cis woman, so we definitely don’t share the same experience, but we did work our hardest to have a wedding that defied all the sexist and heteronormative tropes involved in the wedding planning process. It took a lot of work but we are really happy with how things worked out, and I’d love to help you out in any way I can!

View Quoted Comment Thanks so much for your reply! I am non binary and my parter is a cis woman. I’m not masc or femme, very much in the center of things, and I’m terrified of being seen as either the other bride, or being put into the groom catrgory. We’re mixing a lot of traditional gendered things (no dances with parents, and we’re walking down th aisle together), and we’re going to have Mx. & Mrs. decorations everywhere I can think of to make it clear we’re not two brides, and we’re definitely not a straight couple. I’d love to hear what other things pure doing to switch up those tropes and traditions.


The thing I’m most worried about is my attire. It’s been causing me a lot of dysphoria and stress. I originally planned on wearing a suit, then realized I would just be doing that to meet expectations and if I had my dream queer wedding (minus judging extended family), I would wear a dress. So I thought I’d wear a dress to the ceremony and a suit to the reception. THEN I had a dream a few weeks ago where I walked down the aisle in a suit... Now I’m thinking suit for the ceremony and dress for the reception (likely with my suit blazer on top), as I want to spend most of my time in a dress, but start with something to remind the more ignorant guests that I’m trans. At that point, I will have had top surgery, and I’m hoping my dress will show off my flat chest as well.

Ugh. it’s just all really confusing and gendered, and there’s practically no information out there for non binary spouses to be. that was a lot! thanks for reading

I love the Mrs and Mx! My wife wore a bomb ass bespoke suit and i wore a sparkly dress, and we did feel a little like"ugh my old ass relatives are going to look and think, "oh i get it, shes the woman and shes the man!""

We wrote our own ceremony (which I know is a big no no around here, but was really important to us) and made sure that all the readings came from queers/feminists and were pretty untraditional. We made no reference to gender or used any gendered terms in the ceremony. People LOVED it, and it very much read as "us."

Have you considered something other than a suit or dress? Lauren Morelli's wedding jumpsuit/cape situation? Or Solange's wedding outfit is increeedible. And this!!! http://people.com/style/nico-tortorella-matching-wedding-outfits-bethany-meyers/ It's so hard because as a society we've connected to many gendered norms to items of clothing, but there's nothing inherently masculine or feminine about dresses and suits. I want to say, "wear what makes you happy!" but I understand all the complexities. However, I do kinda love the idea of switching between suit and dress, because it would totally make people do a second take, like, "wait! but, but, how can they do both??" (I'm using they pronouns, is that correct?)

Also! Good luck with the top surgery!! A couple of people I know have recently gone through it and it has been incredibly positive and transformative for them!

I honestly have no idea what y'all are going through with wedding planning but I wanted to say I can't wait to see your BAM! If you want to wear a dress, wear a dress because everyone should be at your wedding to celebrate YOU and FS. Good luck with your surgery!

The genderedness of weddings has been driving me absolutely batty! I'm cis, but my FW is trans, and because I'm doing the majority of our planning (I'm an event planner by profession), we ran in so much "you & your groom" and I basically started just walking away from any interaction or vendor where they were insistent about gendering anything.

The biggest problem I think we ran in to was these venues that had a gorgeous suite for the bride to get ready in and a closet for the groom, and eventually we decided we weren't going to give money to any venue that forced anyone in to a closet. Or had gendered single stall bathrooms!? Which is a thing I have never understood.

We're not facing a lot of the same problems you are, because we're two brides and thats becoming much more the norm. But I we do have genderqueer people coming to our wedding, and our family (both found & given) are all super queer, and we want them all to be happy and comfortable.

We're doing away with all of the "his & hers" wedding dances, and "grab your partner" dances. FW is planning on dancing with her mom because they're close, and I'm going to dance with my mom, or possibly both my parents, because we're close. We both have Bride Folks.

Also its really nice to find someone else on this site who doesn't fill traditional herteronormative molds! This was kind of long and rambly.

View Quoted Comment Thank you sooo much for the lengthy response. We have one reading picked out already but need another, I hadn’t thought of looking at readings from queer/feminists and that’s a great idea. I LOVE those outfits you linked. I would wear the one with the pants in a heartbeat, I’ll just have to see if it’s possible to find something like that at a reasonable price. Thank you for understanding it’s more complicated than just wearing what I want. and yes, I do use they pronouns

View Quoted Comment ❤️ thank you!!

View Quoted Comment Damn, I hadn’t even thought about the fact that our venue has gendered bathrooms... they’re multi stall but I’m gonna need a place to pee so I think we’ll just tape over both the signs and say gender neutral... hopefully that doesn’t cause too much of a stir with some of our guests.

It is SO nice to find others like me and my FW on here. honestly I didn’t think anyone would reply to this thread. thanks for your thoughts!

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Of course! we searched for queer and feminist readings about love, instead of about marriage, and came up with some good ones! Keep us posted on the planning! Im so excited for yall!!

(also i work for an LGBTQ ngo, and we have jars of pronoun pins all over the office and it could be cute for you guys the have some and have your guests wear them)

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Absolutely slap some "all gender bathroom" signs on the bathrooms! And if people have problems, pull the "it's my day!!!"

View Quoted Comment I'm wondering if you would consider wearing a jumpsuit? There are a huge number of wonderful new jumpsuit designs out this season, and it might help you bridge the attire gap between suit and dress. Ultimately, what matters most is that you feel comfortable!

I can’t relate but I just wanted to say I love the idea of the two outfits! Good luck with planning!

View Quoted Comment I had thought about it a bit but hadn’t found any that I really liked. I’ll have to keep looking though, now that PrettyWitty&Gay showed me some that I actually love!

View Quoted Comment Thank you 🖤

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We're going to slap gender neutral signs on our bathrooms. It just makes so much more sense.

I'm sooo glad you posted this thread! Its like a lovely little mini community.

Welcome to WeddingWire Matty!!!

My wife & I are both cis femme women and got crap from people for both wanting to wear a dress. People actually expected one of us to wear pants because it would "look better". We were constantly asked who the "groom" was and got funny looks when we stated we would both be walked down the aisle. People expected every aspect of our wedding to be hetero normative and that one of us would just play the groom part. We said to heck with that and did our wedding ****% how we had envisioned it. We took advice and suggestions from no one and I kid you not when I tell you that it was the best day EVER. We hired a gay officiant, one of the "brides-guys" wore a full face of make-up and pink acrylics with his suit, and we made sure the DJ played every song on our super gay club-esque must play list.

So just try to constantly remember that this day is about you and your partner. Make it exactly how you want and hope for. Wear what is going to make you feel incredible and beautiful. I wish all the best to you and your future spouse and hope we get to see lots of photos!!

View Quoted Comment Your wedding sounds like it was a blast and I love your attitude . it’s hard to remember it’s all about us when straight family members start talking. thanks 🖤

I can't offer any advice but I just want to say good luck in planning, make sure your wedding is all about you and your FS. And that I absolutely can't wait to see your BAM!!

Hi Matty! I'm a cis woman handfasting my partner of 25 years, a cis man. We're older, Pagan, not traditional and our guest list covers the gamut, and it's important to us that our vendors are inclusive and celebrate diversity. I found our planner on Offbeat Bride, Green Dragonfly Events, and she's perfect for us! She's also recommended photographers who fit our vibe and won't raise an eyebrow at our eclectic chosen family.
For other vendors, I've just been straight out asking them early in the planning - do you work with LGBTQ+ weddings and can you tell me your experience with that? Even though we're not, we want someone who everyone feels comfortable with, and it's important to us that we're supporting those in the industry who support you. If that makes sense, lol! I'm getting a bit rambly too, but I support you and I hope your day is everything you want it to be.