Any other Nb/gnc/trans people on here?

Forgot to say, Offbeat Bride has links to all kinds of readings, too!

Chiming in with more support here! I don’t have specific advice, but it is hard. FS and I appear as a cis-het couple, but we’ve been working to de-emphasize gender wherever possible, especially in our ceremony. We’ve worked very closely with our officiant to make sure we were both comfortable with the language and terms being used.

However, we have guests all along the gender and sexuality spectrum, including our wedding party and I’m nervous about avoiding micro aggressions on the day. I’ve already heard vendors talk about where “the guys” will get ready, or “groomsmen.” I’m planning to let all of our vendors know, but people default so easily to gendered norms. I’m hoping all our vendors and guests can be respectful and challenge their preconceived notions.

All to say, the wedding industry is yet to evolve on this and it can be frustrating and alienating. However, don’t be afraid to be unapologetically you. I hope you find that perfect outfit that doesn’t cause dysphoria for you and have an absolutely amazing day marrying your FS!

The way I see it is if you want to wear a t-rex costume, then wear a t-rex costume! Sun dress, suit, pants, jumpsuit, ball gown, whatever you feel the best in is what you should wear. I recommend trying on every style and see how you feel in them. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or expects. All that matters is how you perceive yourself. There will ALWAYS be someone who doesn't like an element of your wedding, Whether that be your or your future spouses attire, the food, or the color of the flowers. You can't please everyone and you'll drive yourself crazy if you try! Just try and focus on the most important thing. That you and your future spouse are going to be exchanging vows, declaring your love and commitment to one another with the most important people in your lives there to witness it. You're laying the foundation for a beautiful life that you will be building together and at the end of the day, that's all that matters. Congratulations and best of luck!

View Quoted Comment Somehow I hadn’t considered asking all out vendors if they had worked with LGBTQ couples before! Great idea, thanks! Your guests are lucky to have you looking out for all of them. thanks for the kind message 🖤

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Yep, just try asking when you're early in the screening process. I would feel horrible if I spent $$$ with someone who didn't support (or even better, celebrate) diversity. Best wishes to you both!

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We started doing this, my favorite was vendors who mentioned it before I even asked. Our Venue has pictures on their website of all sorts of LG weddings, and it was really nice after coming from a venue we LOVED except the woman who we were working with wouldn't stop talking about the groom.

We're our photographers first not cishet wedding, which I was a little worried about, but she's SO excited to work with us, and we LOVED her work. She asked us right away if she could use our photos on her website, because she wants to do all weddings and she knows a lot of not cishet couples look for examples on peoples websites.

Long Story Short, don't be afraid to be someones first LGBTQ+ couple if you get a good vibe etc.

View Quoted Comment I was recently at a convention that did this. They were multistall as well. They pointed out that there were gendered bathrooms on another floor, but I don't think anyone made the trip. It didn't cause any ruckus or even anyone to huff in any way.

I'm trans woman and my fiancé is a cis man. So, the gendered traditions haven't been working against us too much. However, we are trying to limit any sexist traditions that imply marriage is an exchange of property. (For example, we are insistent on the phrase "husband and wife" instead of "man and wife" and no one will be "giving me away." Thus far, the only real concern we've had is that I am still waiting on the final court hearing for my legal name change (gender marker has already been ordered and starting to appear on thing). So, whenever something has to be paid or any legalities are involved at all, I have to disclose my birth name. Luckily, no one has even batted an eyelash. I think the only recognition we've gotten of it all was a woman saying, "Huh, I've never met a woman with that name before."

I don’t have any specific advice but I just saw this Justin Alexander jumpsuit/trench coat in bridal fashion week photos and wanted to throw it out there to say a some designers are making more diverse designs, so there are definitely non-traditional options out there. Good luck with the planning!!!
https://www.justinalexander.com/en/blog/justin-alexander-signature-spring-summer-2019-runway-show/

I’m a femme cis woman and my FW is trans. I’ve been careful to inform the vendors we want to work with that we are LGBT and a lot of our friends are and if any vendors have acted weird I have just ended contact with them. My FW’s family has definitely been difficult as they are still having issues with her transition and to add a wedding and all the gendered heteronormative stuff to it has been touchy. We are both wearing dresses, not doing any of the sexist traditions. Our guest list is pretty diverse so I’m trying to make sure everyone is comfortable. We are just approaching the wedding as “If it doesn’t make us happy we aren’t doing it”.

We've also got some great LGBTQ planning info and wedding vendors here on WeddingWire and our website GayWeddings.com !

Here are some of my favorite articles:

Should I ‘Come Out’ to My Wedding Vendors as LGBTQ?

11 Wedding Ceremony Readings for Queer Couples

Cute Alternatives to ‘Bridesmaid’ and ‘Groomsman’

Love love love this thread.

i am a Cis gender woman, but my partner is NB leaning femme, genderqueer person. Even as a cisgendered woman I have so so many issues with so many of the rituals and rights.

is there a way to change the genders on wedding wire so I don’t have to constantly deal with the word “groom”?

View Quoted Comment Yes girl. No one is “giving me away” either.

View Quoted Comment 🖤🖤🖤🖤I haven’t found a way to change it, and I’ve had to select bride or groom (I literally closed my eyes and selected one randomly)

It’s YOUR wedding. If you and your spouse want to wear a dress or tux or whatever then do it! Hell wear those blow up dinosaur costumes 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’m bisexual but am marrying a man. We’re having a semi traditional ceremony (it’s only different because I’m Pagan) and honestly we’ve been pretty up front with guests that if they don’t feel comfortable, not to attend because we’re not fitting the ceremony for them. It’s OURS. I’ll be honest I don’t understand most of the pronouns and things for today’s society but you should put what makes you and your spouse comfortable and don’t worry about the rest. Congratulations and many blessings on your future together!