Any words of wisdom or advice?

Communicate like mature adults with goals: what is the problem, how do you feel, why do you feel it, what is a viable solution that would work for both parties, etc.

Don't attack each other for points the way some people will say things out of anger just to feel like they're getting an upper hand. That won't do anything but cause more anguish.

Agree with Melle! Communication is KEY. Be honest, open, and not afraid to let your spouse know if you’re upset. Of course, this should be done with tact. We are in pre marital counseling and learned that you should sit and set a specific time and place to talk about a specific problem.

1) Communication (talking things out, apologizing for your part in a negative situation even if you didn’t start it, give each words of encouragement & compliment their strengths), 2) at least monthly dates nights out to keep the romance, 3) a different hobby or guys/girls nights.

Have you read The 5 Languages of Love together? Really helpful!

Whoops. The 5 Love Languages.

Compromise. Speak finance. Don't be afraid to speak up. Communication. Remember you are in marriage together and forever. It takes two

Communication; Honesty; Talk Money!; Spend Time Together; Understand when it's time to spend time apart (a guy weekend...a girl weekend); Compromise

Marriage, like any relationship, is a choice. You choose to communicate and work together to make it work. Every day.

Totally agree with Becky that it is choice. In fact, I think it is sooo many Choices!!!

After you choose to say YES! (Congratulations!) --You'll choose and say your vows.

So now consider some 'secret' choices, I'll list them as I think of them not necessarily in order of importance:

1. Choose to think of your husband, or wife, at least as much as, if not more--the more the better, as you think about yourself.

2. Choose to not talk badly about your husband or wife's family--realize that to do so is also by default an attack on them.

3. Wives, choose not to have "best friends" that are men. Your husband should have all of you to the degree that no other man on earth does--this is not only a tie that will bind your heart to his in a growing and healthy way throughout your lives together, it will also cause him to perceive you as being deeply and truly respectful of him, which is one of his greatest needs.

4. Husbands, choose not to have "best friends" that are women. Your wife will not feel completely safe and loved by you if another woman has your deepest confidences--those belong only to your wife and will greatly help fulfill her deepest need of feeling loved by you.

5. Choose to be quick to forgive each other. Letting anger go is a very deliberate act of one's will.

6. Choose to not care about being "right" all the time.

7. Choose to not verbally bring up past mistakes--whether they were just stupid, or carelessness, or down-right on purpose. The trick with this one is to choose not to let yourself dwell on them in your mind. If you're thinking about them you'll soon be talking about them; tearing down your marriage.

8. Choose to always mindfully pay attention to what your husband or wife is doing to you while having sex. Do not let your mind wonder to other people or to the cares of life. If you fail to make this choice, unbeknownst to you, it will feed any doubt and mistrust that is between you.

9. Choose to stay calm in your voice when you are struggling to see eye to eye on an issue. For normal sane people it really takes two to have a yelling match. This choice builds your marriage, the alternative tears it down.

10. Choose to do together, what interests only one of you. It is a very supportive and trust building act of love to learn about, share the excitement of, or even gracefully suffer through what your husband or wife enjoys. This goes both ways and only applies to common sense ethical boundaries. Again, this will bind and grow you together to the degree that you choose to follow this.

11. Choose to never publicly throw your husband or wife 'under the bus'. You must choose this even to your own hurt!! It is a most degrading blow that will scar your marriage--even if your husband or wife is gracious enough to never throw it back in your face.

12. Choose to be active in an on-going conversation concerning the future in all areas of your marriage and home. Whether it's careers, finances, vacations, social life, aging parents, health, rearing children or religion, decide that the primary sounding board is your husband or your wife. "Keep it in the family" so to speak, except for those times/situations when greater wisdom is required from outside the marriage, choose to go at it together--either literally or structurally. (Binding/building vs. pulling apart)

13. Choose now and down the road to be okay with not getting what you expected! Realize that today you are not the same person you were when you were 12 years old--(at least we hope not, right!), and it's only logical that in three, seven, eleven years from now, you will not be the same person you are today. This is normal and healthy human growth. You are allowed to change and hopefully improve as a person. You must choose to allow your husband or your wife this same freedom with dignity. The beauty your marriage knows in this process will be directly proportional to how much 'binding and building' has happened throughout the years, not how much your expectations have been met.

14. Choose from day one to openly proclaim that divorce is not an option.

15. Choose to have sex every day. Think about your husband or your wife throughout the day, and night, and enjoy each other when you reunite, whether at the door or across the bed in the morning. Make a point to happily and warmly greet each other before you unload the day's cares. Make a habit of daily shutting out everything else, and just. Be. Together--as best you can, again, within the bounds of common sense. I remember hearing a long time ago that having sex every day adds five years to a man's life. Don't know if that's true but that alone is a fun gift a wife can tuck back in her mind. And for us ladies, it is the best cure for a headache and a most powerful reliever of stress. It is really hard to grow apart or be tempted apart when both husband and wife are caught up in each other--mind, body and soul. (I've also heard marriage counselors say that finding out how frequently the couple has sex is the quickest way to assess how dire the situation is.)

16. Choose to find your own personal secret to your happy marriage. The honest work involved in that endeavor will definitely build a strong marriage.

17. Wives, choose to give your husband more respect than he deserves. Granted, he won't always deserve your respect, but if you can uphold him with your respect in those times, you will become the most precious thing in his heart.

18. Husbands, choose to love your wife even when you feel she doesn't deserve to be loved. Not only is that when she will most desperately need your love, compassion and tenderness, but it's this very chosen act of commitment and sacrifice that'll win you her most sincere respect.

19. Wives, when you get out of touch with your husband, choose to ask yourself, "Did I do, or say something to degrade his manhood?" Choose also to be honest with yourself. This will not always be the turning point on an issue but if you can try to see things from his point of view, this will help in at least some if not a lot of them. Men are men and they operate differently than a woman, and that's a good thing, just learn to know and then respect, through your words and deeds how he is.

20. Husbands, choose to make it your life's mission to live with your wife in true understanding of, not only how, her mind, her emotions, and her (specific) body works, but also what she needs from you because of how she works. Then choose to lovingly and faithfully provide those things for her. Choose to use the times when you get out of sync with each other as times of gaining greater understanding and coming closer to accomplishing your chosen mission.

This is not anywhere near an exhaustive list of "secrets" to a happy marriage but you may feel wore out already--take heart. Yes building a strong and happy marriage is a lot of work and a lot of choices. But because I believe it can prove to be some of the most rewarding work you do in your life, I wanted to share from my experience, (parents who are happy and married 49 years, in-laws who are happy and married 57 years, and myself and hubby, happy and married 24 years (it has gone so so fast)), some "secret choices" that have ground-level practical application. But I'll end now by taking it to the trees.... choose to guard your heart; it belongs to only one person on earth. And choose to pay very close attention to the link between your heart and your mind!

Think "binding?" and chose it.

Think "building?" and chose it.