Anybody have a crazy mother in law?

Go to counseling with your fiance, for starters. If he takes her side over your side you have a big problem.

View Quoted Comment I definitely agree with that. I talked to him about counseling and he wasn’t opposed to it but he also doesn’t think we need it. I just know and I’ve told him I’m not going to be in competition with his mother for the rest of my life. It’s constantly drama with her and if my mother did half the things to him that his has done to me I would cut her off. He has told her to stop disrespecting me and she continues. I told her she’s not allowed around me or my child anymore and he agreed. I’m standing on my feelings and I just can’t keep forgiving her because she is his mother. It’s too much.

I had a similar situation with my husbands grandmother, she was pretty much the same way. My husband and I sat down and talked and agreed that we are on the same team no matter what and no matter who its "against". He simply let her know that her behavior wouldn't be tolerated and he also distanced himself from her. She was not invited to our wedding and is not invited to our upcoming reception. We didn't do counseling or anything like that, we simply stayed as a team. As long as you two are on the same page then that's all that matters.

I'm sorry, but you have a future spouse problem, not a MIL problem. You can't change her. He can't even change her. But you two can set boundaries together and enforce them. If he's not willing to do that, then your marriage will be pretty unhappy and your children will suffer the consequences.

Counseling (which I see you have mentioned but he doesn't think you need it) would help so that you could both learn that telling her to "stop disrespecting" you and then not following that up with any consequences is worse than doing nothing at all. You are both basically teaching his mother that she can say and do anything she wants with no repercussions.

The good news is that you have a long time before your wedding date to work on this. I sincerely wish you good luck in learning to function as a team and plan for a healthy marriage.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for replaying! We are on the same page. A part of me feels bad that he can’t have his mother around because she doesn’t know how to act.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for replying! I absolutely agree. He has definitely stuck to the boundaries this time around. She honestly went to far by purposely trying to hurt our kids. He doesn’t want to talk to her. I had a long conversation with him and I explained to him if our family that we’ve created together isn’t going to come first then I don’t want to get married. I love him but I’m not committing to a life time of drama and heartache. This is supposed to be really happy times for us.

I am so incredibly sorry you are dealing with this. I know how stressful it can be. My husband and I just had our wedding a few weeks ago and while his mother played the "sweet and innocent" card, she did a lot of things to try to make the day about her in the planning process and on the day of. I simply did not let her.

To start, I think it is really important to have a conversation with your FH about all of this, especially if kids are involved. Then I think he needs to be the one to talk to her. I did not let that happen in the beginning and once my husband told her enough was enough, she started to back off. Your relationship with your FH is the MOST important. She sounds a lot like my MIL i.e. fairly insecure, needs to have everything be about her, gets ridiculously over-dramatic about things, etc. If you don't play into it and if you act like you are happy go lucky, she has nothing to feed off of. It is so much easier said than done and boy does it take patience and practice but it is the boundary that you need to set.