Anyone else not anticipating your Groom going to a strip club for his Bachelor party?

It is not a tradition for everybody. Huge numbers of people never set foot in a strip club. And the way to eliminate it where it is a tradition, first ask, did your father, grandfathers, and great grandfathers, and all their sons for at least 3 generations do it? Because for most families this tradition does not go back more than a generation or two, to when totally nude and lap dances were not allowed in most cities and states. And in the relatively small areas where it was a tradition, like generations in some families who went to whorehouses for bachelor parties, is it something anyone wants to continue? In the past, it was often traditional, and legal, for people to own and mistreat slaves, to have the men hold all the money and property in their name , even if it came from the woman of the family, to send kids to work in mills and factories at ages 8-12. But we stopped those things. And people saying, no more, is what it takes. Ask your husband to be if he would be happy I you went out to a party if men, and you were the stripper, the one who danced nude for a large party of men. ,had money pushed in a G string or garter belt, stood over their lap with their faces inches from____ while you did a little bump and grind for their amusement. . . . If FI would be okay with you doing that, he is not worth marrying. If he is not, then why can't you say, buying the services of someone to do that for you and your buddies is wrong, too. Certainly , not a celebration of someone already committed just before their wedding. . . . It was never anything done in either My family, or FI's. He turned down such a party, one offers by an old army friend, and one by a school buddy. His was very like most of his family and friends, someone's cabin, minimal drinking until swimming and boating and cooking over a fire was done. He and buddies like poker. But some of his friends brought out the musical instruments for theirs. Others hiked and had a non-alcoholic party on a mountaintop, a tent or a lodge. And others went to comedy clubs ir theatre, followed by a nice dinner.. . Strip clubs are not a necessary option. And if you truly object, and the only nude woman you expect him to hang out and salivate over is you, in private, and not any female or male who will do it for money in a public drinking club, say NO. NO for a bachelor party, and NO for the duration of your marriage. It is up to you whether he vows to be with you only, or has a clause, except whenever I want to get drunk with a bunch if guys and have strippers, maybe a few hookers available, ...Your marriage won't be very happy if you cannot settle a matter like this, now.

You are not alone... I even get sad and depressed everytime I think about it. I haven't asked him, I don't want to ask him if he wants to do it... I'm afraid his brothers are the ones that would want to get him a stripper.. I am so not for it. Like yoh said in a comment he had many before me... I'm supposed to be the last... It hurts you know. That he might and you don't know if he will.

One evening, in a moment of alcohol-induced "generosity," I told my FH he could have a stripper as long as there was no touching. His response was that he doesn't need strippers because he has me. I think I am relieved that it's a non-issue and I don't have to actually deal with it. I'm not sure, in my heart of hearts, how I'd feel.

But as pp have said, I think the bigger issue at hand for you is his lack of respect for you and your feelings. Please don't try to make him feel bad and hope he changes his mind. It's not a good precedent for your marriage. Passive aggressive behavior rarely works and it often leads to resentment. Instead, please work on communicating with you FH. Now, not two months before the wedding. You don't want to have to cancel the wedding at that point if you should do it now. He needs to respect you and his responses indicate that he doesn't. Your feelings are valid and he needs to see that. Otherwise, as pp have said, there are some huge red flags here.

a few things... my fiance has tamed down a lot since we have been together of his own free will. be it he is getting older. I dont really know how to reply to any one comment but i do want to say.... having strippers for events has been tradition in his family.. dad.. brother. uncles, grandpas..... 18th birthdays and so on if you can believe that. he says strippers are no big deal that its all for fun and laughs nothing more.. .. then why does it have to be naked woman? why not go to a comedy club? go hang out laugh with buddies?... I am from Michigan.... yeah there are laws BUT.... everyone knows as well as myself that laws are broken all the time when it comes to money and sex. we all know what goes on in the champagne rooms.... otherwise they would just get a lap dance out on the floor with everyone else watching .Most places around here the strippers are allowed to touch the man but the men cannot touch them which makes no damn since .. stupid. Its just disgusting and i cannot willingly let him go have another woman rub on him, would i be comfortable a dressed woman rubbing and hitting on my guy at the grocery store, a bar..... NO... same thing different place. just because they have the title "strippers" do not make it okay just because that what they do.

Honestly I am so glad for this post. Now I don't feel like a jealous weirdo thinking about this happening... Why do they do this??

Personally I love strip clubs but I understand that not everyone does, and not everyone is comfortable with their partner going to one. Your boundaries are important and he needs to respect that. It might also be worth talking about exactly what you are uncomfortable with and why...it sounds like the contact is the main thing that bothers you so maybe he can go but no lap dances?

If he DOES end up going, I would encourage you to remember that you trust him (at least, I hope you trust him). Those girls are there to do a job and not much else

View Quoted Comment

Here i thought maybe it was just me, the weirdo.. but so many woman on here dont have to raise this issue, thier men rather do other things. I can tell you how the conversation will go if i did talk to him. ... it go something like I need to go and see its nothing that bad... I need to live a little... .. you've had sheltered life.

Its i have respect for myself and others i love and i dont put myself in the line of temptation, and i dont make myself a temptation. i trust him. however that still dont make it ok. Im no prude, im not uptight i just have line i wont cross. to me strip clubs are pushing boundaries and not where men IN RELATIONSHIPS should be visiting

Love I know how you feel. You are definitely not alone on this subject. before I got married to my husband we sat down and had a conversation about strip bars he promised me that he did not want a stripper or want to be in a Strip bar and he let his bachelorette party know about it . and thank God he decided to not go because just like you I wanted to stop the wedding and not get married if he would’ve went so I definitely understand How u feel. Good luck

View Quoted Comment

Nailed it. It doesn't matter if OP's preference is normal or common. It doesn't matter if she is the only human on earth who feels this way. The person you're marrying should respect your opinions and feelings REGARDLESS of what other people do/think. The fact that he so blatantly doesn't care about how you feel would be a deal breaker to me.

View Quoted Comment

Sounds like this is a family that disrespects women and are okay with treating them as objects. Are you sure this is a family you want to marry into? The fact that strippers are the norm at family events really skeeves me out.

We have gone to some together and I am okay with that. We are older and this is both our second marriage so we are doing a joint battle of the sexes party. I couldn’t stomach it either even though I also trust him 100%!

My fiancé is going to have dinner and drinks and go to top golf for his bachelor party.

View Quoted Comment I agree. And I'm dreading the talk because he will say he won't go but I know his brothers are going to be pushing it, specially the one that wanted us to break up in the first place. Although I fully trust him I am a little crewed out of the prospect. And I am no prude either but it isn't something I'm looking forward to it. That is one of the reasons I'm keeping things low key until it isn't. At any rate I would much prefer he just has a good time if he decides to do a Bach party.... But strippers is just... Idk doesn't sit well with me. I'm the one who should be making him... you know.. Not another woman with her breasts out in the air and her butt up his crotch... You are totally not alone in this.

View Quoted Comment You should not have to feel compared to her for the rest of your days , I feel like when men do that they always have that image im their head and compare you to that & have those kinds of expectations. It’s disgusting & messed up ! If he loved you he shouldn’t have a problem with not doing it . He should want to only see you naked & only touching you and only being touched by you . Sorry you have to deal with that

View Quoted Comment I think you're missing the fundamental issue. It's not about the strippers, its about your FH having literally no respect for your feelings and then makes you feel bad for having those feelings!

I couldn't marry someone like that.

I call bs on "it's tradition." This is a thing you do once in your life that every man does differently. There is absolutely nothing written in any stones that men have to be lap danced before they get married. None of my friends or their husbands went to strip clubs before their wedding. My brother went bowling. My FH planned a game night sleepover for his best friend's party. My best friend's husband went golfing. Tradition is a bad excuse he's using to gaslight you and ignore your feelings. Frankly, why would you want to marry someone who doesn't care that his actions hurt you?

I completely agree with you! When FH and i First started dating he wanted to go just so he could experience it once before he grows up or whatever. He never went in the beginning and now we’re engaged and I expressed my apprehension and he agreed that he wouldn’t feel comfortable going. He would feel wrong.

i would keep talking to your FH about it. He needs to respect your feelings. This isn’t you saying “don’t go out drinking with the boys” it’s not a jealousy thing it’s a respect thing. Talk to him as much as you can about this ❤️ I’m 100% on your side

I half anticipated it cause he said his co-workers suggested taking him to one but he ended up not wanting to go out with them and do that anyway. I don't care if he did but I do find the stereotypical bachelor and bachelorette parties to be so overrated and overdone. I told my girls I wanted to have an adventure with memories we can make together. He ended up just having a really relaxing day with his friends as a bachelor party

My FH says strips clubs are for lonely gross men 😂 he’s says there’s literally no need for them if you’re in a happy healthy relationship. We both don’t understand the desire to go and I think you need to have a long hard talk with your FH. Sorry this is happening to you.

I'm sorry that you are going through this. I agree that the strip club is an issue but there is a bigger issue here and maybe you guys need to really have that conversation.