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Dedicated September 2022

Anyone’s partner not wanting to help with anything?

Sydney, on February 2, 2022 at 12:46 PM Posted in Planning 1 13
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I decided to just go with an actual company. A few of them are a little above budget, but that’s okay. One of them actually offered to make centerpieces (they are the cheapest one I have found) for an extra 25$ A piece (even though they charge about 450$ Less than where we have been looking) I figured if I saved somewhere I could splurge a little more on what I was going to spend in another area. My partner told me we don’t need them. He doesn’t care for decorations, but i do. He wants to save money as we are paying for this ourselves (as in we, I mean me—we are already married, but decided to have a wedding since we never had one) he thinks going over the top and decorating (even diy) is too much. He doesn’t want to help me set up or anything other than putting a few candles here and there. He is tired of hearing about the wedding planning and doesn’t want to help or give his opinion other than telling me what we don’t need or don’t need to do. When I ask what is important to him so I know where to compromise, he doesn’t tell me anything and really just says he doesn’t care as long as I’m happy. What do I do? Please tell me I’m just a bridezilla overthinking this! I don’t want to fight with him about it.

13 Comments

Latest activity by Sydney, on February 3, 2022 at 10:33 AM
  • S
    Dedicated September 2022
    Sydney ·
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    An actual catering company*
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  • M
    VIP August 2021
    Michelle ·
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    I don't think you're "happy". I also don't think you should invalidate your feelings by calling yourself a "bridezilla". Instead, I will summarize what you just wrote: he doesn't want to make decisions, he doesn't want to help you set up, he doesn't want to hear anything about the wedding, you're paying for everything. Like your husband told you, he does not care [for this wedding]. So consider canceling the wedding if you think the stress will impact your marriage.

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  • S
    Dedicated September 2022
    Sydney ·
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    Honestly I just feel alone in my planning process. We have been married for a year and having a wedding was something I looked forward to having. He’s more of a destination type I guess. All he cares about is me being happy, but the decorating part is a bit bizarre. He always wants me to make the decisions in the planning process. We did agree together in our venue. And we are on a budget, so certain things are limited, but diy decorations?!? I think some are really cute. He did tell me that he didn’t want to have to set everything up and be all sweaty in his suit, but I was starting to wonder if I’m being too pushy about certain things. We are eight months out, and I want to jump start the planning such as venue, booking a caterer, and so on. I only want to have fun but he sees this as unnecessary spending and doesn’t care what our guests think or anything. But me on the other hand, cares about it all.
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  • S
    Dedicated September 2022
    Sydney ·
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    On the other hand, he still wants to have it. Just without going overboard or helping me plan and make decisions alone. I feel like I may do something or add something he wouldn’t like per say (since he isn’t planning alongside with me) 😭
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  • Amanda
    Devoted May 2022
    Amanda ·
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    I think a lot of times one person will want the wedding without all the work that goes into planning, which frustrates the other. My advice, set aside some time (e.g., one hour every week) and get in all your questions in an organized manner and then no more wedding talk for the rest of the week. Sometimes asking to help “plan” is too vague and ensures an unenthusiastic response since they don’t understand what still needs to be decided or figured out prior to the day. You’re not a bridezilla.
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  • Shannon
    Super July 2022
    Shannon ·
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    My fiancé isn’t helping with any of the planning. He works a lot and doesn’t have time, nor is he into the details like most dudes. However, whenever I ask for input, he is open to providing feedback and ideas and doesn’t brush me off. He will assist in set up if needed.
    Have a conversation to tell him that planning is stressful and his support is needed.

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  • Bird
    Super June 2021
    Bird ·
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    My fiancé wanted a “simple backyard wedding.” It took a long time for me to convince him that a simple backyard wedding actually takes 5x as much planning. I told him i wouldn’t be able to plan that by myself and We agreed to plan it jointly. He took the lead on hiring caterer, rental company and band. I took the lead on florist and photography.


    I would try to get your fiancé to understand that even if he wants it to be simple and no frills you will both need to put in the work.
    If he doesn’t want a wedding at all and you’re the only one that wants it... then that’s another story. My first instinct would be to say you should take the lead on all planning if he has expressed not wanting to be involved. Or you can come to an agreement that what would “make you happy” is having a wedding to celebrate your marriage with your family and friends and it would “make you happy” if he could help with x y and z.
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  • Natalie
    August 2021
    Natalie ·
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    My partner isn't actively involved in planning which I'm fine with (otherwise we'd end up having a gothic wedding lol) but he shares his opinion when needed. I agree that you should probably talk to your partner about how him participating would make you happy even if it's a minor thing like help with decorations here and there or picking the song for a Smartshow 3d video, etc. Let him know you don't expect him to do everything and would appreciate at least some interest shown and I think he'll come around.

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  • S
    Dedicated September 2022
    Sydney ·
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    Gothic weddings are actually really cool. I like the corpse bride idea for that!! And totally! He wants to have the wedding, but he doesn’t want to do a lot of the planning or anything like that. I’m the creative one to extent and he’s just there lol.
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  • P
    Just Said Yes October 2021
    Pamela ·
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    I struggled with this but he was very busy. I think he tried where he could. Maybe find a way to make it fun?

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  • S
    Dedicated September 2022
    Sydney ·
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    I’m trying to make it as fun as possible. I even have a bridal expo scheduled but he thinks that weird and boring. Maybe that’s normal for him to think that. I am a budget bride, so I understand where he is coming from with not wanting to go all out, but there are always cheaper and diy alternatives to some things and I feel that he doesn’t understand that.
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  • Samantha
    Super May 2022
    Samantha ·
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    Being as you are already married, maybe just have a "party", call it an anniversary party or whatever is appropriate to you. This sounds like it would be a good compromise to what you both want.

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  • S
    Dedicated September 2022
    Sydney ·
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    Agreed. That’s kind of what I told our guests.
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