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Dedicated October 2023

Are my friends really my friends?

Ggreer14, on September 26, 2022 at 10:05 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 12
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I apologize in advance as this thread isn’t gonna be the happiest, I just need to vent and head outside thoughts/opinions other than my own. I don’t have close friends really. I used to, I used to have plenty of close friends but things have changed. Most people I know live in Ohio, that’s where I grew up, but now I live in Florida with my fiancé and our two kids. I wouldn’t change a thing. However, I’m starting to notice that no one, besides my immediate family, has taken time to come visit me. I see my supposed “friends” always going to clubs, partying and drinking and smoking weed every weekend (on their SC stories) but they always make the excuse of “I’d love to visit you girl I just haven’t had the money” but you guys have the money to party every weekend? It just makes me mad especially considering I’ve taken several trips to Ohio since moving here and not once have they come to visit me. I’m considering not even inviting any of them to my wedding because what’s the point? I’m already having a small wedding with just my immediate family and honestly, at this point, I could care less if anyone outside of my family shows up or not. I just don’t really know what to think anymore, that’s why I came here lol. Am I being dramatic? Anyone else going through this? I’ve heard stories of long time friends breaking because of stuff like this, especially when it comes to weddings. Thoughts?

12 Comments

Latest activity by Mrs.evans, on October 2, 2022 at 11:13 PM
  • Bailey
    Expert October 2023
    Bailey ·
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    SORRY long post coming!!

    A brides(man?) of mine & I have been great friends for quite a few years, and he is the "oh I can't, I'm broke" friend. However, he constantly going out. He buys cars he can't afford and constantly puts himself in positions to go broke.

    However, my wedding is in Cancun. He accepted his position knowing the expense. I had to pay his deposit on his room...only $100 and he couldn't do it. In 1 year he needs to find a way to come up with $1,700 for room+board & I don't think it's going to happen. All that being said, he loves me and we have a great relationship. I know there's a real possibility he won't show up for me and that is going to be extremely damaging to our friendship considering all the outs I gave him AND he had a two year in advance notice.

    So yes, I have been there, you're not alone. However, you are overreacting a little bit. PLENTY of people these days are not good with their money and unfortunately it's normal. In all honesty, a flight to come see you would mean consistent savings + not going out to save aforementioned $$ and that can be really, really hard for a party-oriented friend to focus on. It's not like they're going out and saying "shoot, I have this money I put aside to go see friend, but eh...shots!!!"

    Have you taken the initiative to call and say "what dates are you free? let's meet in Nashville" or "come to FL and we will get an airbnb/you can stay with me/when are you free" don't just give an open invite "hey come visit whenever!" go the extra mile and plan as FL is now your state of familiarity.

    You said you've gone to Ohio to visit a few times, but is your family there too? It's a little different when you're going home to see EVERYBODY in your life. You didn't go home exclusively for them, you know? If they came to FL, it's just for you. Sometimes 1 person traveling to see the whole group just makes more sense.

    If you don't care if they're at your wedding, then they don't need an invite. But, if you're mad that they haven't come to see you and that's what's driving your need to not invite them, I would try and cool off!

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  • Laura
    Dedicated September 2022
    Laura ·
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    It really sucks that your friends don't come to visit you, but try even though it's hard to not take it personally. I also have friends from our of state that haven't ever come to visit me, and even though we are friends we aren't as close as we once were. If you have someone from your old friend base that you can't imagine the wedding without, send them an invite. Not everybody will want or be able to travel to enjoy the day, but some may. If it's a small wedding with immediate family then it's also OK to not invite folks from your old friend group. It's also OK to vent and be upset by it, just don't let it ruin this amazing and happy time. Congrats and good luck!!
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  • G
    Dedicated October 2023
    Ggreer14 ·
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    You are probably right. That’s not the only reason I wouldn’t invite them, it’s other personal stuff that I’d rather not say. We’ve just grown a little distant in the past few years. But I understand what you’re saying, of course not everyone has the finances to just up and travel. I have mentioned specific dates before, saying “hey we should plan for this date and this date” and then plans fall through. Maybe I’m not doing my part in being more consistent with them. 🤷‍♀️ I will try that. At the end of the day I have faith my wedding will be amazing regardless of whatever may happen. Thank you for your input. 😊
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  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
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    Travel can be hard and a big commitment. My bff lives across the country. I adore her. We’ve been talking for probably 5 years about making a trip out there, but it’s hard to find the right time and it is a big expense, much more than normal socializing, and it is also much easier done if we take some time off work, which is pretty tough for me. But with no time off work it makes the trip feel hardly worthwhile— more work than time enjoying, even though I’d love to see my friend. So the fact that we haven’t made it there yet isn’t at all a reflection on my friendship, just nature of travel and schedule and budget.
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  • G
    Dedicated October 2023
    Ggreer14 ·
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    Thank you!! 💕I know my wedding will be amazing no matter what. 😊 just wanted to hear others opinions. It’s not all my friends, just a handful of them that I feel sometimes don’t make any attempt or effort to maintain the friendship.
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  • G
    Dedicated October 2023
    Ggreer14 ·
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    Very true. It costs an arm and a leg to travel these days. It’s not really about them traveling here as much as it’s the promising and then flaking that wears on my nerves.
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  • Laura
    Dedicated September 2022
    Laura ·
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    Yeah that's hard, I've got the same issues with some of my friends. I was always reaching out or trying to go the extra mile and then realized "wait a minute I'm the only one making that effort", sadly a lot of them are now friends in name only and are more acquaintance then friends. It's sad really, but then you really know who your ride or die folks are.
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  • T
    Beginner October 2029
    Tia ·
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    I feel the same way. Currently I live in Upstate NY and I’m relocating to Mississippi next year. I went to high school in Tennessee. My “friends” down there have never attempted to come see me but I’ve gone to Memphis plenty of times. I told my boyfriend that I really wanna reconsider who I invite cause I see these same friends go out of town constantly to make strip shows and vacations. I can’t count peoples pockets but I’m not a priority. I say do what you feel. They cannot get upset if you don’t invite them. They barely take the time to visit you. Why would they come to a wedding? And lord forbid around the time you get married, they come up with the lamest excuse why they can’t make it last minute. In that moment, they all getting cut off.
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    We're in a recession coming on the heels of a pandemic. Travel and finances have changed for many people. It makes more sense for you to travel to see them honestly. I don't think they've done anything wrong.

    A destination weddings places the onus on the guests to undertake a trip and a financial hit. Not everyone will be able to do that, even at the best of times. Unfortunately having a wedding that is a destination for some people may mean a smaller attendance, and that's part of the risk you take.

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Unfortunately some people don’t have the same priorities as you, regardless if it’s a wedding or every day communication. Do they make an effort to at least communicate somehow via phone call, text, email?


    Life gets in the way and people drift apart , even with the best of intentions. If someone doesn’t make the effort on their end when you do, then you are not a priority to them. For example, many of our friends and family are scattered around the country and while we would all love to visit more often than we do, it doesn’t happen, but we keep in touch regularly via phone call, text, email and social media. If someone didn’t bother to respond, we would feel they don’t care about us and vice versa.
    This is something only you can answer. What does your gut tell you? It will never steer you wrong.
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  • P
    Devoted April 2023
    Peyton ·
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    I am a firm believer that if something is a priority, an individual will do whatever it takes to make it happen. I think many of your friends have other obligations and higher priorities than getting together to visit. You should do all that you can to forgive, but make it a top goal to find new people in your life. I am sure plenty of people in Florida would love to have you as their friend. I would probably still invite my closest past friends to my wedding. If they don’t come, I would simply move on and let go of the past and focus on making new friends who are close by and have common life situations (kids) and goals.

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  • Mrs.evans
    VIP October 2022
    Mrs.evans ·
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    Hi I'm sorry your feeling this way but I feel like you had already answered your own questions when you see there stories. And you hit them up an have an excuse when the question rises about them visiting you. We think that no matter whT that the friends we once had will stay your friends. Is not always the case try and make friends where you live now in Florida. Just live your life and focus on what is about to happen in your life now your wedding day. But I know that it's sad that they haven't made an effort to visit. I wish you and your FH a blessed and fulfilled life
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