Are physical registries a thing of the past?

I have only been invited to a couple weddings in the last couple of years, but both have had registries for physical gifts. I have never lived somewhere where there was only one way of doing weddings or gifts, so I have seen a wide range throughout my life.

As far as I know, there have always been some people who prefer to gift money and some who prefer to gift tangible items. I have given money and "boxed gifts" for different weddings, depending my personal circumstances at the time and my relationship with the couple.

My biggest issue with how gifts are handled by some wedding couples today is the extreme focus on GIFTS!!!! Some people really do seem to plan weddings in such a way as to get the most gifts/cash from their guests, with all kinds of discussion, worrying, and planning applied throughout their engagement and wedding planning to reach their goals. I honestly think we would all be better off if we just stopped paying so much attention to gifts and gifting.

In our circles it is common to bring cash to the actual wedding and a physical gift only if you're invited to a shower. So there are some couples that we're closer to who have gotten both a gift and cash because I was invited to a bridal shower and others who only received cash because I wasn't. I had never heard of the "pay for your plate" thing before seeing people mention it here. We give what we reasonably can depending on how close we are to the couple.

Honestly, the only time I've been concerned about gift giving is now that I have two weddings within a month of ours. I won't care if either of those couples bring gifts, or even make a comparable gift amount, but I'm worried they will and we're the last wedding so I can't gauge what they're comfortable giving lol. I don't want them to feel obligated to give since we are giving them gifts, if that makes sense.

In my circle, you rarely see any physical gifts at the wedding, but see almost all of them bought off the registry. We typically buy the gift and send it to their house if we were not invited to the shower. But in my circle physical gifts are still the norm unless a registry is no where to be found. then people will gift cash/card/whatever they want.

The pay for your plate thing I have never heard of until I was wedding planning. I thought it was the weirdest "guideline" since we wanted to have a wedding. We chose to spend X amount of money on catering, venue, etc. All the guests got a choice in was attending. I don't expect people to show up to my other hosted events with a check for their plate, why would I at my wedding?

I think showers need to be re-named or they need to start going away all together. More and more we see brides wanting a shower but no physical gifts or not wanting to open the gifts, just wanting cash, etc. It defeats the purpose of a shower and most couples already live together.

I've seen a lot of mixed registries where it's cash gifts and physical gift options. but a majority of the time i think now a days i see cash gifts more for honeymoons and honeymoon activities. in my culture it was always a thing for cash gifts as well.

I've never been to a wedding offering a registry, unless it's a honeymoon-style fund.

Here in Australia, we generally give cash gifts, especially now, when most couples in my social circle who are getting married have lived together for years or even decades. They really do not need plates, homewares, etc.

To give context to the 'cover your plate' concept, which is very common here - it is just a a concept used to illustrate the approximate amount considered socially acceptable to give. So, generally you would give what you believe would be the approximate cost of a 3 course meal at a restaurant.

Of course guests don't know exactly how much was spent, and it certainly shouldn't approach how much the marrying couple spent as a whole - after all, so much more goes into a wedding than just the food and drinks - florals, clothing, decor, celebrant, etc. The idea isn't to repay the exact amount the couple has spent, but to acknowledge a portion of the expenses incurred - the same way that a good guest would always bring something to dinner - whether it's a bottle of wine, dessert, a bunch of flowers for the host or whatever, you wouldn't come empty handed.

And, of course, the amount given depends on your closeness to the couple too - a very close friend would tend to give very much more than would just cover their plate, whereas an old work colleague who was given an invite to make up numbers would give a lot less.

In my limited experience, where I am from the physical registry is more for the bridal shower and when you attend the wedding you are expected to bring a card with money for the couple. The amount you put in the card is at your own discretion, but my mother taught me the "pay my plate" method (always at least $100).

My finacé and I have been together for four years, we live in our own house several states away from where our wedding is taking place, and we are the type to purchase things we need as we need them. I didn't want to bother with a registry at all but my future MIL insisted I HAD to have one so now I'm struggling to fill it with useful items that will fit in our car on the way home and that won't take up a lot of space in our house.

Everyone I know and every wedding I've been invited to included a registry of physical things, with the exception of one. That couple is a friend of the family, relatively young, and is having a small wedding so they're asking only for gifts to cover the cost of their dream honeymoon in Japan. Only one other wedding we're invited to in 2022 has cash funds on their registry, the other 4 are items only.

For ours, we have wayyyyy too much stuff, and we're trying to cut back on materialistic gifts - both receiving them and giving them. We prefer to gift needs, experiences, and consumables when possible so as to not contribute to unnecessary clutter (personal preference, and we have zero issue with other people not doing this!!). Because of this, our registry is a combination of that wish list concept you mentioned - upgrades to our existing stuff (focusing on things that are broken, mismatched, or an incomplete set) and things we would never buy for ourselves (focusing on things for entertaining guests such as serving platters and extra plates) - and cash funds for the honeymoon, first home, date nights, etc.

To echo what Natalie said, it seems most common in my circle for physical gifts to be given at showers or other pre-wedding events and for cash to be given at the wedding.