Are strip clubs a deal breaker?

St. Louis bars close at either 1:30 or 3, so you go to the strip clubs on the East Side if you want to continue partying after 3. So whenever there's a birthday party or an event where we want to party all night long, we end up at a strip club. I'm not a huge fan of them, but I don't mind FH going with or without me occasionally. FH recently went to his friend's bachelor party, and a few of their friends had to leave the party bus when they headed over to the strip clubs, because their girlfriends wouldn't let them go! I think that's sad their girlfriends were so insecure they had to leave their friend's bachelor party.

It's funny because my last serious boyfriend I told him no way could he go to a strip club, even for his own bachelor party... Now with FH I could care less (he's never been before) but I think it says more about my trust issues with my boyfriend before where my issues, and why I was pissed thinking he may want to go.

I think my comfort level has to do with the environment that our relationship developed around...the college scene and him being in a fraternity. The stereotypes are frequently true, and they would have "stripper night" at the frat house at least once a semester. It was one of those things that I never cared about I guess. He didn't go that much because, obviously, why would he pay for what he's getting for free at home....but when he did go just to be a guy, it wasn't a big deal to me. It also helped that I lived with two guys, so I was used to the the way guys think haha.

I love going to strip clubs! Gentlemen clubs are the best!

@KarenM...myself, SunshineJenn, KristenMichelle, and michele v will come take you out to one!!! LMAO ;-)

It's not my thing. Luckily it's not DH's either. I don't think it would be a dealbreaker if he went occasionally (I'd be more concerned that he'd either been hiding it or lying about wanting to go for the last 8 years). It's really not his scene though. He also thinks it's a waste of money.

I wouldn't go with him but I would want all the details out of curiosity when he'd get back. He doesn't have an interest in going at all, but I wouldn't prevent him.

It would definitely be a deal breaker for me, and it has nothing to do with insecurity. I am very secure with myself and with my relationship. For me, it's about respect - respect for one another and for our relationship. Like other posters have said, I don't think I would fit well with that type of personality.

Just because someone doesn't like or agree with the same things that you do, it does not mean that they are flawed in some way. Saying "oh, you must just be insecure" is not only not true, but it's just plain rude. Everyone has their own idea of what makes for a good relationship and what doesn't.

To me, its totally disrespectful if I am in a serious relationship with someone and they want to go to a strip club. If he winds up at a strip club at a bachelor party then oh well, that's different. I don't have an aching need to watch other men parade around naked and I would be grossed out if he had that same need for other woman. If that's your "thing" as a couple then, to each their own. Everyone's got their own ideas of a good time. But to me, promoting your significant other to view other woman in that way just seems wrong. You've got a naked body too that you can flaunt for him, don't forget it!

I never have understood why people think strip clubs are a big deal and I keep saying it in every post that comes up about it. Going to a strip club doesn't make you a bad person and should not measure your character or personality. I attend strip clubs with my FH and I love them, we enjoy going together, we have fun and he likes that I don't have a problem with it. I do enjoy seeing the ladies because like @MnDex said its female beauty, never have seen the men and I am far from interested. Strip clubs are not taboo anymore and its a guy thing, some women just don't understand that. Would I date a guy who went everyday? NO but frequently I do not see anything wrong with that, the girls at the strip clubs can't even be touched. I would rather be glad he goes to a strip club than somewhere else where there are regular women who get out of hand, strippers just want their money, if that makes you uncomfortable then its a bit insecure that's the way I see it.

Ladies, if you are seriously convinced that your FH doesn't look at other women (or doesn't want to), naked or not, then you may be a little naive. FH has NEVER complimented another woman in front of me (or, from what I've heard, to his friends either). Ever. We actually just talked about this the other day, but that doesn't mean he's not thinking it. I don't see the difference between that and strip clubs, honestly. They are ALWAYS going to view other women that way. They're MEN. As long as Scarlet Johanson exists, they're thinking it. If they love you, and respect you and your relationship, they will never, ever come close to acting on any type of thought, or come close to telling you what they're thinking. But they're thinking it...strip club or not.

I honestly don't care. If FH wanted to go to a strip club daily then that would probably be a red flag. But I trust him and I know he loves me and I'm not worried at all about his bachelor party or the times he went to the strip clubs for his brothers/friends bachelor parties. We went to the same college too and his frat used to have a "Stripper night" for initiation. He would come home and we would laugh about it. I honestly don't think it's a big deal at all.

But it's funny @Emily because I feel the same way! My last boyfriend before I met FH I was soooo against him going to strip clubs I think it really says something about how awfully insecure I was in that relationship and how much I didn't trust him!

Obviously going every single day or very often is a whole other thing. But then it isn't about going to a strip club anymore; it's about a compulsion or addiction that needs to be addressed. Would I characterize that as a character-flaw? I don't know. It would depend on the man and if he wanted to seek help for it.

Honestly, it would be no different than if Lee had to go bowling every day, or see a movie every day. The issue to me wouldn't be with the venue itself, but in the compulsion to go all the time.

@Kristen- Men will look at other women just like women will look at other men. Its not a "MAN thing", its a human thing. I'm just speaking for myself but I don't think thats the point, we all know our men look at other woman as do we to other men..

Also, this has to be said at this point: Promoting your man to watch strippers does not demonstrate your TRUST in your relationship or SECURITY in yourself. To me, its almost the opposite...

But again, to each their own. There's no wrong answer!

Not a deal breaker at all. I encourage him to go with his friends and have fun. I told him that he better have strippers at his stag.

We go together when we're on vacay with a bunch of friends and its fun. Theyre outlawed where we live so its not really an issue I've had to deal with even for bachelor and bday parties (which would be okay). I think theyre totally fun with more than just us going so obvi id be weird about it if he purposely went alone or regularly. Its something we do with friends once in a very long while as a fun treat. I'm usually the first to run out of dollars most of the time.

KM, sunshinejenn, and Mndx are my kind of girls on this

FH and I have discussed this issue recently actually. I personally don't care if he goes for a bachelor party or something like that, but he has the mindset that it is a complete waste of money and not his idea of a good time. At the same time I don't knock others who do enjoy it!

"Also, this has to be said at this point: Promoting your man to watch strippers does not demonstrate your TRUST in your relationship or SECURITY in yourself. To me, its almost the opposite..."

Marissa, why not?

FH and I have talked about going to one together. He said he wouldn't prefer to go to a strip club for his BP mostly because he'd rather spend quality time with his guys. Although he's not adverse to the idea, either. Haha.

I'd only be concerned if that's where he spent his weekends. Otherwise, I'd just be upset if he went without me.

Besides, it's just a strip joint, not a brothel.

Going to a strip club can't be watered down to "your man looks at other women". Looking at other women and going to a strip club are two totally different things. I don't know what strip clubs are like in your town, but here there's a whole bunch of grinding on your FH's d*ck and while he can't touch the stripper, she can sure touch him as much as she wants. And they do. Now if my man wants to check out a porno together, I'm game for that. That's looking. The strip club is something totally different.