Are we being extravagant?

This does not sound extravagant, it sounds as though you would be spending about the average for a wedding these days. If you want to cut costs, an easy way to do that would be to cut your guest list. Less people = less money.
I definitely wouldn’t worry about silly superstitions comparing the cost of a wedding to the length of the marriage. The love, respect and dedication you both put into your relationship is going to determine the length of it… not a party you host.
Have the wedding you want and can afford 🙂

View Quoted Comment 🥺🥺 thank you so much for this. I’m so superstitious, but even I agree this whole “more money, short marriage” thing is such BS. Both our parents have also been very supportive and told us they will help where they can, so our day is as perfect as we both envision it.

I don't think you need to worry about that superstition. a lot of weddings on average cost around that price.

That sounds very average or even inexpensive in my area. The divorce superstition is for weddings that go into the high 6 or 7 figures.

So much of this is dependent on your financial situation? Can you afford to spend more or will it put a strain on your finances leading to potential issues in your relationship? That's where the idea of more expensive weddings= divorce comes from. That couples who spend more are putting themselves in/near debt to do so. We knew we'd only ever get our entire families together the one time so we spared very little expense. Your guest list will play a huge role too- it's a lot less expensive to feed 50 people than 200 people so keep that in mind when making decisions if you feel like you're spending too much.

View Quoted Comment I totally agree. I think that makes the most sense that financial trouble causes problems. We are fortunate enough to be able to afford this price tag without going into financial ruin. We definitely are still looking for ways to cut down on costs. Guest list is already pretty limited/set, but there are a lot of things I’m going to DIY or just look for deals to help us save money where we can.

To quote Michael Scott from The Office, "I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious." 😂

That being said, a lot of the idea of expensive weddings indicating the marriage won't last is correlation, not causation. Financial issues are a big cause of divorce, so if you start the marriage off going into debt for a wedding you can't afford, then you're setting yourself up for issues. However, it sounds like you're planning a wedding within your means, so I wouldn't stress about it. We're having our wedding at a venue that's more "us" than a golf course as well (neither of us golfs or is a member of a place that has a golf course lol).

“I’m afraid of the whole “the more you spend the shorter the marriage” BS” : you told it yourself: called this BS, so what are you afraid of???
As for you $31,000 budget, this was more or less the national average in 2019 and early 2020, before the covid outbreak! Definitely NOT extravagant or lavish since this was the norm back then. And nowadays couples spend more per head because they focus more on the guest experience.

Agreed - this price does not look crazy! I am doing it in my backyard for the same - 31k - definitely not overly extravagant!

Not extravagant if it reflects area pricing. I consider extravagance more on optional items. If the venue is higher priority, you and your partner can scale back on some vendor options. Make a steals and splurges list for yourself, and you'll feel more solid with each decision. Good luck.

Not extravagant at all. I did a backyard wedding that was quite costly and I’m not correlating that to marriage success because our foundation is solid. I think that’s the most important factor. I agree with the other poster if you can afford it and execute the wedding without going into debt you should be fine! Enjoy the journey.

I’ve never even heard that phrase before

You and fiancé need to decide together what you both want and cut out what you don’t care about. Also you can easily have a nice wedding without spending the national average but that means sacrificing what the Wedding Industry claims is a minimum requirement that not everyone feels is necessary.


It’s just as acceptable and common to have a simple cake and coffee reception as it is a full meal. I’m some circles, a full meal is not done and the wedding is just as valid and legitimate.
The Wedding Industry leads couples to believe that all inclusive venues are the only acceptable legitimate option even though it is not what everyone wants or can afford. They are marketed as being budget options but they don’t tell you until after the contract is signed that you are stuck with their caterer with no choice to sample before the contract is signed and that food and beverage minimums are not part of their original price quote, being at least 5-6 figures and with a minimum guest count that must be met. Also you are required to use specific services without substitutions or cutting them out entirely. All of those elements don’t work for many couples. So for others, a blank slate venue is a better deal. There is transparency with budget prices and you have freedom to pick what you want and toss out what you don’t which keeps cost in check without any regrets on your end.

The phrase you mentioned is very common and it is true in some cases and not others. Celebrities are a good example spending millions and they are divorced before the ink on the marriage certificate is dried. It’s common for other people as well. I’ve been a guest at a few weddings where they were over budget with the couples still paying off loans and other debt used to pay wedding expenses (and the couples were vocal about the financial situations) and the marriages didn’t last long at all, lasting anywhere from 6 months to 5 years before separation. While ideally couples should make the marriage work through thick and thin, some are more interested in a fancy party than a commitment to each other.

Hi amd Congratulations to you both see this where we get ahead of selvees. Having country club is not a bad idea ot depends on what you want your wedding to be. Now you can get a wedding planner to help you plan the whole thing or just hire a day of coordinator who will help set up and direct the vendors. But there are alot of places where you can find at reasonable prices. Use this app and thumbtack to search your wants you can have simple with a touch of elegance or classic. I have with some friends and family are planning my wedding now. But we are still stay in the 10k to 15k so far I have done ok our most pricey expense is photographers and DJ and transportation. We are 4 months out before our day.I wish you happy planning

Weddings in my area (Chicago and suburbs) frequently cost twice that amount - the average was estimated at $50K several years ago. I don't know where you are getting married and what the market prices in your area are, but it certainly seems reasonable to me based on what I do know.

There are a lot of factors that predict the success of a marriage way better than the cost of the wedding (which I'm guessing any credible source would tell you doesn't predict the success of a marriage at all - though I haven't attempted to do any scientific research on this one, and I'm a psychologist so you may have piqued my interest... LOL).

The average wedding in my city is 76k. Things cost what they cost - you cant control average vendor pricing.