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Kayla
September 2020

Are you involving you kids/step kids in your ceremony?

Kayla, on September 11, 2018 at 10:53 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 30
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*Warning this will be long*

hi everyone, so those of you with kids or future step kids how or are you including them in the ceremony? My FW have been together for a little over two years. We have a 5 year old son. He is a “family baby”. Biologically he is my FW’s great nephew but she has had him since he was about 6 months old. I met him a month or so after he turned two. We began our relationship as best friends and landed here! As soon as we began dating we basically lived together even though we had separate apartments. So at that point she went from single parent to two parent home. We have been raising him together since 2016 when we started dating. He doesn’t know life without me at this point and I call Him my inherited child not step child. He is my son regardless of how I became his mother. So here’s the thing. My FW felt like oh he should a ring or he should have all this extended or extr moments in the ceremony but I dont really agree. Im not marrying him he is already mine. I do Everything for school as much as she does and I feel Like hose things are for step children. We will be doing unity sand all three of us will have a color to involve him in that way but I feel Like that’s enough. This isn’t about him. His family or life isn’t changing besides the last names of his moms. Am I wrong? The ceremony is about us becoming one as a couple which will allow us to lead our strong family . Idk maybe I’m crazy.. but thoughts?!

30 Comments

Latest activity by LoweryForLife, on October 1, 2018 at 11:46 AM
  • T
    Beginner October 2019
    Treasure ·
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    I entered into a relationship with my fiancé crystal and she has a child and was a single parent but, as I became more involved and we got a place together we created a stability in my home and my daughter began to call me her mom on her own and she is so excited that we are getting married and she doesn’t want a life without me . We decided for our wedding that to involve her with also the wedding being about us two that we would make her the flower girl. Other than that the ceremony will be intimate between us two because it will be us merging our souls even closer together . I do not think that you are wrong for having this opinion it is very reseanable . I would advise you to just sit your spouse down and express your feelings about it
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  • Emilie
    Super April 2019
    Emilie ·
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    Our kids are just in the wedding, (flower girls, jr groomsman, and jr bridesmaid) but FH's cousin got married last summer and they did a ring exchange with their 2 sons. I thought it was kinda cute, but I do think it was a little extra. But if you are already doing a sand unity I think that's honoring him in the wedding already..
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  • Love818
    Dedicated August 2018
    Love818 ·
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    I have a daughter and we included her in our ceremony. She walked me down the aisle, we had a family blessing during ceremony, we presented her with a necklace and my husband read promises to her. Yes i was marrying my husband but overall it was a celebration of us all becoming a family, uniting as one. I didn't want her to feel left out at all. I think it depends on the age(s) of child(ren) and how involved they want to or can be. My daughter was 11.
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  • Cheryl&rock
    VIP June 2019
    Cheryl&rock ·
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    My situation is that I'm much older with grown children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.
    Three of the five female attendants are my grandchildren, my flower girls are my great-granddaughters, my ring bearer is my great-grandson. My three children are walking me down the aisle.
    My thoughts are not only am I marrying my FH, but he will be an integral part of my families lives too. So I'm including them, not all...lol I have a total of 10 grandchildren...lol. I raised rabbits!
    I think it's a personal option, but both you and your FW need to agree as to how much involvement your child should have.
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  • L
    Expert October 2018
    Linda ·
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    My soon to be soon is 13 so. Little different but he his standing with his father’s groomsmen and after my FH and I exchange vows. I have some short vows to say to him.
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  • Future_Mrs.concanon
    Devoted April 2019
    Future_Mrs.concanon ·
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    My f.h and I have 5 kids between us he has 4 and I have my 1 from previous relationship. I am making my son and his son carry the rings. We're getting them separate pillows his son will have my ring and my son will have his ring. I'm making his three daughters jr bridesmaids. The one daughter is going to do double duty she wants to be a photographer as a career, so what better way to let her get a feel for her career than to make her our photographer. I didnt want to let anyone feel left out. His two other daughters have the duty of making sure their dad isnt late.lol My f.h can be a bit of a procrastinator/"better late than never types" lol. Plus he listens to the oldest daughter more she's like his jiminy cricket she'll calm down any jitters he has and such.
    My bonus kids are awesomeSmiley heart
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  • A
    Just Said Yes October 2018
    Ashley ·
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    My wedding party is my kids and my soon to be step kids. FH has 4 kids and I have 2. They're all between the ages of 6-11 years old. Blending a family is hard on everyone and we want them to feel important and a part of the wedding as well.
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  • C
    Devoted April 2019
    Cheyenne ·
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    We have a 2 year old. She’ll be a flower girl, & we are considering including her in the sand ceremony.. & we’ll do a family dance at the reception(he won’t be doing a mother/son dance.) Although she is our child I feel this marriage is making us a stronger family unit and I wanted her included but I also want it to be intimate for us. Hard balance!
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  • M
    Dedicated October 2018
    Melissa ·
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    Congratulations!! I agree the sand ceremony is sufficient enough!! I have 4 step children, one our eldest is a daughter she is one of my bridesmaids! Our eldest son 18 will probably not attend, our 16 and 15 year old both sons have adjusting issues with me so they will be at the wedding but not in the wedding! We were going to have my step daughter and FH cut into my father daughter dance but after reading your post and the comments we will no longer be doing this. You are correct it's your 2 special day and have included a sand ceremony! We have 1 in our wedding party along with her 2 children our grand kids so there us no need for extra, Thank-you for that!!
    Many Blessings
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  • Kayla
    September 2020
    Kayla ·
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    Thank You. It was the same situation. He is walking down the aisle but then will sit with his grandma during the ceremony until we do the unity sand.
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  • Kayla
    September 2020
    Kayla ·
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    Yes I didnt Want to do that ring exchange it seemed weird to me.
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  • Kayla
    September 2020
    Kayla ·
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    That sounds really sweet. He is 5 and I just Think it would be to much for him to stand up there without mommy, mama. Can I have Your phone lol
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  • Kayla
    September 2020
    Kayla ·
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    That sweet! I like those ideas! They are in the wedding party I think That’s very sweet and especially the photographer!
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  • K
    Devoted November 2018
    Karen ·
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    I have a daughter and he has a daughter. Neither together. As much as I want to say this is only about us, it’s not. We’re blending a family. The only family either of our girls will know (my daughter’s father gave up parental rights, his daughter’s mother is in and out of rehab/jail). They are our flower girls (ages 3&7). We will also say super short vows to each other’s daughter (I promise to be there for you and care for you forever). We have also decided that he will dance with them instead of his mother. I will join in on the dance mid way through. We want them to to feel special. Because in all honesty, although we’ve lived together for a year now, this is a big change (especially for my 7 year old).
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  • C
    Super October 2018
    Cassandra ·
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    I think you are right in your feelings, that he is already yours, and you are all he knows. (Which I give you so much credit for saying this, as a single mother this is what we always dreamed of)

    now my daughter is 10 and my fiancé met her at 7. She calls him daddy, but we are including her in the ceremony. She is standing next to me, and my fiancé is saying a cute little vow to her.

    However, as you said, he is so young, that he won’t remeber this day and it might not mean much to him. My daughter being 10 it has more meaning.

    If it is important to your fiancé, maybe you can settle on having him stand next to you at the alter? But if your son thinks as you as his real dad, then doing more might confuse him.
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  • Sara
    Expert October 2018
    Sara ·
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    When my dad and stepmom got married, I was 8. I was a flower girl and I think I remember having a dance with my dad, but that's it. My parents divorced when I was 3. I don't remember my parents being together. I don't remember my dad being single. I only remember him and my stepmom being together. I didn't need anything extra to know she was there for me. She proved it in everyday life before they got married, and has continued to prove it every day since.
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  • MrsV1027
    Master October 2018
    MrsV1027 ·
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    I have a 9 year old son that will stand up on my side. We are becoming a bigger family all together and I wanted to include him.

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  • T
    Beginner October 2018
    Tiawanya ·
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    My FH and I have decided to allow my 4year old son to be the ring guy, his 8year old daughter to be a mini bride and his 12 yr old nephew to be Jr. Groomsman.
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  • Sarah
    Master June 2016
    Sarah ·
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    My daughter was 3 when H and I married. She was just over 2 when we moved in together so like your situation, she doesn’t remember a time in her life where H wasn’t her bonus dad. She was our flower girl and stood up with us during the ceremony and we both included vows about raising a family (I was pregnant at the wedding), but we didn’t do anything extra or present her with anything during the ceremony. He did give her a necklace before we started the day, but did it privately and made no mention of it during the ceremony.

    I don’t think you're wrong in your thinking that he is already yours and so there isn’t a need for you to do something like exchange rings. I think the unity sand is plenty.
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  • Kayla
    September 2020
    Kayla ·
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    Yes very hard!! Because I dont Want him to feel left out but he will also be so shy or making crazy faces which that I wouldnt Mind lol!
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