Arguing about the wedding..help?

Do you feel the real issue about the wedding? Or about you being unemployed? I only ask because your FH’s response didn’t really fit the question. So it seems like more like an issue/topic that’s been on his mind.

The budget and timing of a wedding definitely need to be agreed on between the two of you before any more planning can be done. This isn't a "which one of you is wrong" scenario. This is the time to talk honestly and openly about what you each want and come to a compromise. You two may need couples counseling, pre-marital counseling, or financial counseling to get there. Good luck!

On a practical note, I would try to set your desire for that particular date aside for now. There are so many other considerations that need to come first.

I agree with both previous posters.

It sounds like your fiancé might have an issue with you being unemployed. He might be concerned about spending money on a wedding so soon with no help of an additional income. If that is the case, I think this is a valid concern, as weddings can be expensive. This is something you two need to have a very serious conversation about. You both need to be on the same page when it comes to your wedding date and wedding planning in general.

So I'd just like to start with being a SAHM is a job in my eyes!

But it does seem like maybe be he feels like he's the only one bringing in money, or he doesn't think together you have enough money to cover the wedding and your finances after, or something else deeper beyond the wedding itself that he doesn't want to straight up tell you. You can't work on planning a wedding if you're not on the same page, so I too would set that date aside and work on figuring out the real issue. Wishing you luck!

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I feel he makes it a point he wants to be more "financially secure" than what we are right now. Even though Im contributing as equal as him, Thats his main point.

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Hi Maggie, I agree we both need to be on the same page, if not thsi whole process will be a mess, not to mention probably leak into other aspects in the relationship. I agree, honesty is best and prob will be the thing that wont cause any resentment later on.

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I agree, I guess his concerns havent been voiced so directly towards me , I guess I am letting emotions take over , versus what are the expectations from both sides.

As others said, I think you both need to discuss what is going on and why he said what he said. Are you unexpectedly unemployed? Because to me, saying you are a SAHM makes it sound like you have chosen that as your job (which I think is more tiring than a normal job honestly!). And if it was chosen, did you both choose that together? If that's the case, he isn't being fair. If you made that decision together I would be questioning why he is now saying you need to find a job all of a sudden before you get married. If you were laid off because of the pandemic or lost a job for other reasons, then I might be able to see why he is feeling insecure about income and making payments on a venue because they can be expensive.

Lastly, I think 11/11/21 is probably something that you should be reconsidering at this point. 11/11/22 is a Friday, so could you move it to then to give you guys more time to discuss and iron things out? Not sure if it's the 11/11 that holds significance or the 2021.

I’d make sure you get on the same page first. Planning a wedding is stressful enough even when your relationship is well. Plus you have a little one. As others mentioned, I wouldn’t get too caught up on the date. Make sure you and FH are aligned and removed any blockers first. Everything else will fall in place.

Being a STAHM is a job. It's an unpaid job. If he's not happy with you not having the kind of job that pays, then that needs to be resolved before the wedding. Also, both partners need to be on board with one parent staying at home.


It sounds like he resents being the breadwinner, and does not appreciate or value your labor. I recommend you figure out the logistics and costs of childcare, and look into how to transition into the workforce. He may start singing a different tune once he realizes how expensive childcare is.
IMO, being a SAHM doesn't work unless you're married, you'll be entitled to spousal and child support if you divorce, and your partner is 100% on board. Otherwise you're financially reliant on someone who has no legal obligation to support you.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for the honest feedback and I all this planning, parties , details takes away what’s really important . I rather work on the discrepancies in our relationship to make sure we have misunderstandings like this worked out before a big day 💜

Sounds like he's concerned with spending thousands on a wedding when you don't have an income. That's cool about your savings but $$$ towards a wedding could be going to something he sees as more of a priority.

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Hi Allie, So I chose to be a stay at home mom before I met him, I was working and a signle mom when I got laid off, so the decision just worked out with timing, and was able to live with family to help out. He doesnt pressure me to get a job, but he does feel in order to invest in soemthing like a wedding we have to have more of a secured financial status- as he doesnt want to go into debt over this . 11/11 plays the significance, as far as the year I guess it ties into pressures of having been engaged going on 2 years seems drawn out, but I have to understand if it doesnt work right now, perhaps theres a better time.

View Quoted Comment I’m all for being financially secure. So I do agree with him. Perhaps your FH is thinking about the fact that you want to use half of your savings (on a wedding) without a way for the account to be replenished. I imagine that when the financial burdens are on a single person, the decisions about spending money are very different from their angle.

View Quoted Comment I think that’s exactly what it is , and I know it’s coming from a good place and just having a stable foundation to begin a marriage with .