Arguing with Mother of planning

Unfortunately if someone else is paying, you have to do some compromising on your planning. Can you focus only on elements you’re happy to have more traditional when you’re planning with her? Then the parts you want a spooky flair on, you handle that part yourselves and don’t discuss it a lot with Mom. Then you can wave those away as “Oh, we’ve already figured out what we need there. But I’d love your opinion on X…”

Yeah, I agree with Andrea. If someone else is planning, that means you may have to give up the control here. You may have to save and buy the spooky things on your own.

Your only recourse is to plan, pay for and host your own wedding. Unfortunately, if your mom is paying and hosting she gets to say what elements of the wedding she is willing to be associated with. Some parents are willing to make their contributions “no strings attached” but yours apparently are not.

If you want 100% say in decisions, you need to give all the money back and plan the wedding that you and your partner can afford without financial assistance. Even if mom only contributes $5, she still gets to decide how it is spent.

Before I throw too many suggestions out there, I would like to know what your ideal, "spooky" wedding would entail, and then what your mother is envisioning. (Pictures added to the thread help).

What I have found with people who don't want a wedding to resemble a funeral usually have the following reasons in mind:

-Too many elements that are black, or gothic in nature to include having an all-black wedding dress.

-Superstitious or fearful of death, or also keeping in mind that older relatives, especially those with health problems may be thinking about death.

-Not fans of the "campy" Halloween elements.

To combat this, what I suggest is having complementary colors to a darker color palette, and some "classical elements". These classical elements entail incorporating themes that can be a nod to your spooky taste, but has a timeless element to it.

For example: You can have live music such as a harpist play at your wedding a combination of music that is "spooky" and "spooky/moody fun" like Toccata and Fugue in D minor, along with "Rhiannon" from Fleetwood Mack, or "Nothing Else Matters" by Metallica. Having a violin and a viola duo, or a string quartet can also be a good option to play both classical and contemporary musical covers can also be a great option. (Some links below):

Toccata and Fugue (harp) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oPmKRtWta4E

Rhiannon (harp) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEyz73tzz18
Don't Fear the Reaper (harp): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8kt0VfCfX4
Nothing Else Matters (harp) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PhyXQ8lE5E

Thriller (violin): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQ9hRqrAJ7s
September (string quartet): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WVZGcf-Vc9c
Time of the Season (vocalist with double bass) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbaoHwRX7BQ

You can have your "spooky fun" as a photo wall with pumpkins, and/or jack-o-lanterns, sugar skulls, plastic skeletons, etc. as elements. If this idea doesn't win your mom over, and you are in an area that offers a beer donkey, this can be an awesome option as a photo op, and ice breaker. If children are present, you can have capri suns, or other beverages that the handlers can give to the kids.

The cake is an item that most people are a bit more flexible with, and can showcase their personalities and tastes. If you like, "spooky fun", I suggest going with the Etsy shop, Perlilla Pets. She is amazing, works out of Italy, and has many cutesy options you can choose from. I do caution that anyone opting for a cake with a darker hue of fondant or butter cream may have their tongue stained in that color for a bit.

https://www.etsy.com/shop/PerlillaPets?ref=l2-about-shopname

From what you have said, your mom doesn't seem like the type to opt for a black wedding dress (but I could be wrong). The good news is that you can have an ivory dress with a muave or blush undertone that can compliment and stand out against darker decor, jewelry, flowers, and the floral ribbon of the bouquet. If you want a dress with a nod to the spooky, moody elements, maybe she will compromise for a dress with some black lace, or a veil with a black trim paired with chandelier black earrings. The dress, "Tristyn" by Maggie Sottero comes to mind because the dress has sparkly elements to it, and the black can compliment seasonal elements.

https://www.maggiesottero.com/maggie-sottero/tristyn/15792

View Quoted Comment This honestly has helped me a lot. Luckily I'm paying for the dress (which will be black) but she was totally ok with it. I didn't want everything spooky. Just centerpieces that have some kind of spook thrown in. Like a skull in the flowers or vase. The cake and topper is picked. So its really just decor and all that goes with decor..thank you for this!!

View Quoted Comment Happy to help, Kaylee! Let me know if you want any more ideas or inspiration.


I might suggest that instead of having a skull in a floral arrangement, maybe a sugar skull cookie as a wedding favor, or having table themes with illustrations (Examples: Black cat, scarecrow, cauldron, or any number of Dia de los Muertos skeleton characters such as mariachi or Frida Kahlo) in a simple frame are a way to keep things lighthearted, and spooky-fun!