Arm and a Leg

Get married where you and your spouse want to get married. If that means just you two, an officiant, and a witness or two on the beach, do it. Have a celebration of marriage when you get back. Rent a house with friends if that's what you choose. If you prioritize your family over his (assuming they are in the picture), it can seem unfair.

I really dislike the 'Arm and a leg' metaphor when talking about weddings. It's overused.

Weddings are a luxury service that require a lot of time and attention from your vendors. The thought process is always 'I only get this one chance so it has to be perfect'. Your vendors know and understand that, so quality vendors will put just as much effort into your event, and they'll charge that appropriately.

It's not just 'oh, it's for a wedding, slap a 50% upcharge on there'. The amount of time I would spend with a bride as a venue coordinator compared to the time I would spend with someone planning a birthday/retirement/whatever party is waaaaaay different.

You figure out what you can afford in whatever timeline you're wanting to get married in and go according to those means. If you can only afford $1k for a wedding, that's fine. Have an intimate event with your partner, your kids, and your parents and call it a day. If you want a bigger event but can't afford it in your timeline, either push back the event or make cuts to your list of must haves (without sacrificing your guest's expereince).

Not trying to be negative, so I apologize. The phrase that you used to title this post is one of my biggest pet peeves in the industry, as it's very belittling to everyone who offers a service.

If you want to get married on a beach in NC, elope and do that. Take your immediate group and set-up a live stream or record it if you want and then host a small event for your people back home. It's a very common set-up, especially in today's covid era. Even before Covid plenty of people did something similar.

Also, don't worry too much about other people's feeling when it comes to your wedding. Only you and your husband should be the deciding factors. If it would hurt your husband to not have any of his family there then it's not a route you should go.

I understand not wanting to hurt your moms feelings, she's excited! It's ultimately your and your spouse's decision. You won't be able to please everyone on everything, you need to be clear with what you want and how you want to go about your elopement/wedding. The renting with her friends is a great compromise, but then you start getting into inviting a lot more people and having to host more people which will start to drive up costs.

There are so many ways to have a nice celebration without breaking the bank! when i think of my social hour and ceremony only, it was really really inexpensive. it's just the reception where a large chunk of your $$ goes. so you can just do a ceremony only with cake after, even.

Elope to a beach in NC! You can back your backyard reception once you return from your wedding.

You and your future spouse aren't going to want to stay in a house with family/friends on your wedding night....... just saying.