Asking for down payment for house instead of gifts

View Quoted Comment This depends on the bank and can also vary based on your pre-existing liquid/physical assets. Your mortgage lender is the only one who can answer that question.

View Quoted Comment For my first home, my grandfather let me borrow money. I deposited it in my account. I had such a hard time with the mortgage company. He had to sign affidavits and settlement was delayed so that I could prove an even longer paycheck and spending history. I almost lost out on the house.

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A google search can answer some questions, but perhaps actually speaking to your lender is what you need to do... don’t rely on others to give you the down payment. That’s not financially sound...

https://www.quickenloans.com/blog/gift-money-down-payment

https://www.fha.com/fha_article?id=441

https://smartasset.com/mortgage/what-are-the-rules-for-down-payment-gifts

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FutureMrs.L, thank you for the links you shared. Those are helpful and much appreciated.

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You’re we,come, but you need to speak to your lender about potential issues. We’re not qualified to give answers regarding this.

It’s rude to ask for money, but that doesn’t bother you. No cutesy poem is going to make it less rude. I know there’s stuff I wanted to do and I didn’t realize it was rude till it was pointed out on here. When i went back to my friends, they apologized and said it was rude, they just didn’t want to hurt my feelings. Friends and family aren’t going to tell you something is rude to your face, but they sure will behind your back.

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I will definitely speak to a lender about it, and do my research on it.

The more I read from everyone, I'm agreeing that a poem is not necessary. I do know for a fact that my family will be 100% honest with me if they disagree with my ideas, and I have asked them not to hold back their opinions. I understand where you're coming from, but I am not worried about my family and friends talking behind my back. Some may think that's naive of me, but I choose my friends for that reason.

First off, I get your situation. We are struggling to get a down payment for a house as well. However, if you know this forum is against money funding, why post? This is a general curiosity, not snark.

Generally, you don't straight up ask for money via poem, note, or money jar. Register for a few items (for those that prefer to give a gift) and leave it be. Those that prefer to give money will give you a card in your card box.

I mention the registry part because giving money has become an overwhelming expectation, meaning if you want to give cash, you better break the bank. Buying a $20 gift is easier for the guests that can't spend much and want to give you a good gift. But if they put $20 in a card...well, people tend to think they're "cheap" or a "penny pincher." It can be embarrassing for guest because of the judgment, fear of judgement, or just the fact that they couldn't do better.

Keep that in mind. What you do is up to you... but definitely think this through all angles and at least make it an option rather than a requirement.

Just don’t register. You don’t have to say anything about it, people will understand that you’d rather have cash.

Where's your wedding website? I know the knot allows you to set up a fund and there's no need for a poem. I think the poem would actually draw more attention to it.

I personally would also have a small registry for like new towels or dishes.

I will never feel asking for money is ok, and somehow a poem makes it worse.

I would also reconsider buying a home if you can’t manage to save for a downpayment. Being underwater on a mortgage is no picnic and you want to have equity. I know you want the money for a downpayment, but I would just be careful.

View Quoted Comment When I purchased my house (less than 2yrs ago) the money had to be shown where it was from. It wasn’t a bank rule it was a federal rule. Money can come from the person moving in with you (must sign a gift letter if not on the loan and show proof where it came from aunt had to do it for her husband because she wasn’t on the load) or a blood relative of the person on the loan. They told us at the bank this was changed after the housing market crashed

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This! Banks analyze accounts with a fine-tooth comb now. The bank asked me about $100 check I got as a refund for purchasing things for work! They will certainly question thousands of dollars.

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Do you have a link to the guidelines/rules for the forums? I don't know if I'm blind but I can't find them anywhere on the website!! I see people reference them frequently but I'd like to read them so I don't accidentally violate them.

Ok, so here is what I gathered from my research on gifts for down payments, for anyone else following this and looking for info.

I talked to 3 different banks/mortgage brokers, and they all gave me pretty similar information. They look for a 60 day seasoning, meaning that they want to see the money sit in your account for at least 60 days before you apply it to your down payment. This gives them more confidence that the money is yours, and not a loan or coming from a questionable source. One bank said they may need a letter of explanation from me (not from gift givers) if they had any questions about where the money came from. Another bank said that less than $1000 does not require any letter, and a large gift (more than 1% or 5% of your down payment, she wasn't sure) would require a letter from the gift giver. Wedding gifts tend to be easier to explain than a random large lump sum, and the money we receive from our wedding is our money (their words, not mine), so that generally doesn't concern them. Obviously, these details may be different with different lenders, so it's important to check with your specific lender.

Thank you all for presenting this question and opening up this line of research for me, as it is something I had not thought of and I am learning a lot. I wanted to share what I learned with anyone who may be in a similar situation, but also encourage you to do your own research as well.

I love this idea!

My daughter's friend is getting married and they set up a down payment or honeymoon fund at a website called Zola.

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Just to be clear, many cultures (including my own), only give cash gifts. So no, it is not rude

I am so confused why it's so weird to ask for cash. We are expected to create a registry asking for all these mostly unnecessary gifts but its not okay to ask for cash? I don't get it. You are still asking for a gift either way so why are we discriminating against cash but not some other item that costs money? So because of this rule, I must add some random wine glasses and plates I don't really need but can't ask for some cash for something I actually need like a house? Everyone is digital and into convenience, creating a link to send money is the easiest and most convenient way to give. I have never thought it was tacky when I saw cash funds on registries.

Wow you lot are so triggered. It is not rude to asks guests for money or gifts when you have just spent £50-£100 per head on having them there. I would never expect to attend an event without showing my appreciation with money or gifts. I know this post is old but i think this poem sums it up nicely:

To celebrate our wedding you may wish to buy us presents
However this is not required, all we want is your presence
If you insist, we must admit, some money would be great
To help us to buy our own home at a later date.
Regardless of which choice you make, all we would like to say,
is come along and have some fun, on this our special day.

I know this is an older post but I'm wondering how/if sentiments have changed around this since 2018. With all the economic upheaval, particularly in the housing market--I'd imagine more newlyweds are struggling to purchase a home. In addition, marriage ages continue to climb so couples have all the neccessities already. I think we need to remember the original purpose of a registry -- to help a new couple begin their lives together. And, what it means to "begin your lives together" has changed. It usually doesn't mean moving in together or buying your first set of dishes. It often means making big decisions together, like buying a home. Personally, I'm more annoyed when I see something like a video game console on someones't registry than something practial that will actually help them establish long term goals like a downpayment fund. I don't think my generation sees this as rude or tacky, but I could be wrong. Any Millenial/Gen Z-ers out there have thoughts?

And per another comment, some cultures exclusively give money. I experienced this for the first time in South Korea and it was explained to me there that it almost serves as a community wedding fund...you give money when you attend a wedding to help support the costs to the couple, and that money comes back around when you or your children etc get married. I don't know if that's how everyone there thinks of it, but this was kind of a lovely way to look at it, in my opinion.