Asking for prayers/vibes/positive wishes.

I am so sorry for all you have so unfairly been dealt. I don't know the best positive words for you to tell yourself and get yourself through this but I will add in my perspective as someone who has been married over twenty years, (I'm hear planning my sister's wedding not mine).
Your wedding day is one day in a lifetime. We build it up as something that has to be like a dream, a fairytale, with just the right wisp of our hair and a photographer that costs more than a monthly paycheck. All those things are wonderful and fun and you deserve to have a day exactly as you invision and plan.

BUT sometimes--maybe always, you--and everyone, need to realize that in the grand scheme it is only one day. Mine went without a hitch, but it was over in a heartbeat, my mind was a blur so I heard nothing the minister said, all these years later I even can't remember the flavors of my cake, and I have one wedding picture in a dusty frame. I haven't really thought of that day in years.

One reason is that the details are so unimportant. The only thing that matters on your wedding day is you and your spouse connection. The one clear memory of my wedding is the unexpected squeeze of my hand when my husband said "forever" in his vows. And, that one hand squeeze that choked me up-and still does, was just one in so, so many moments and days in our marriage. Over the years we've had a lot of crazy, unplanned romantic days, and lots of disappointment and challenges and life experiences. It seems the ones we were far from looking our best in were the most meaningful.

I tell you this because I want you to have all your dreams come true but know that they won't always and may not on this one day of your long marriage.

Personally, I think if your husband has to hold your hand while sitting on the side of your bed pledging his undying love to you, that will be everything. All those lost memories of dancing, how pretty the centerpieces might have been...won't be much of a loss. And you'll have a lifetime to make up for it.

Sending prayers and positive vibes your way! Just focus on you and your health for now. I am sure your friends and family are taking care of the wedding things. less stress for you will help not make the flare worse. Listen to your body.

View Quoted Comment I really do understand. I'm mobility impaired, have severe pain from one of my conditions, a compromised immune system and several other medical diagnosis that have no cure. My newest diagnosis is congestive heart failure. I'm homebound & on bedrest most of the time. I know exactly what a flare-up is! The last time I left my home for fun, not a Drs appt, was the day I went wedding gown shopping in June 2017. Just try to relax. Your wedding day will be beautiful. No one but another bride realizes how stressful it is to plan a wedding, and especially if you don't have your health. Can't wait to see your BAM!! I'm so excited for you!! 💖💕

View Quoted Comment Beautiful and inspirational story, Meg. ❤

I hope and pray that all goes well for you and that this episode will pass by way in time for your wedding. I can't imagine how stressed you are and I know it is so very hard to rest your mind but try your very best to relax because having gone through a cancer battle with my fiance I know have the battle with getting through a health challenge is your mental state. I will be looking forward to seeing your BAM post and all of the lovely wedding photos. :-)

I will pray for you! I hope everything works out for you and your health. Have faith that everything will come together in the end and that you'll get to celebrate your union.

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Thank you! I am so sorry to hear that you also are living with chronic pain. There is no other way to say it, It's a terrifying prospect to think that we and those like us will never know what it is like to not be in pain again. It's a life sentence.

The fear is legitimate. Now that we are a week out from our wedding, the anxiety is getting worse. I want to look at photos of our wedding 10 years from now and be filled with joy. Not look at them with heartbreak. The best advice I can give you is to hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. For example, our venue has a little room all the way in the back (it's in a barn) where no one will really see it. It has cushiony chairs and a chaise lounge. So, if I need to disappear for a bit and rest, I can. That's one of the main reasons we chose it. If I suddenly got hit with a flare (which can happen in seconds), then I have some privacy to do whatever I need to. When looking for venues and vendors, do so with the mindset that your neck will "go out" and that you may get dizzy and faint. That's what I did and honestly, I am really glad that I did.

Oh the cuteness has reached maximum capacity!!! They are adorable! I have a fur baby of my own. When I finally accepted that I needed to retire, I wanted to adopt a kitty from our local shelter. My fiancé worked long hours and with so many procedures and flare ups I got incredibly lonely. He had never had cats growing up and so he wasn't a fan of the idea. So, I did him dirty. I called his mother and got her on my side. This was a few days before Thanksgiving and so at Thanksgiving dinner she brought up the special that our local shelter was offering for Thanksgiving weekend; $50 to adopt an adult cat, vaccines, spay/neuter/, microchip, and stool sample test included. So we both nagged him to death, trying to persuade him to "just look". He finally agreed to shut us up. So, we went and I see this HUGE big ole' rump pressed against the cage and I was immediately drawn to him. I even said out load, "WHOA that's a big boy!" The staff said that he was sweet, but would never be a lap cat. He had been adopted from their shelter 4 years prior and he was abandoned. He also had been abused. He let me pet him, but he just seemed so depressed and melancholy. Then when the worker went to shut the cage door, he threw himself against it, to not me caged in. My heart broke. I knew the chances of this 4 year old cat not only being obese, but just a big all around, were slim to none. I knew that I had to have him. He was mine, my Mr. Burke.

Boy, were they wrong about him never being a lap cat! He is the sweetest mush I have ever seen. He knows when I am flaring or in pain and he will not leave my side. He will follow me to the kitchen or ladies room, and then come right next to me again. If I sleep too long from the medications he will meow in my face and gently tap my cheek with his paw to wake me. Once he sees that I am ok, he just lies back down with me. Sometimes the flares are so bad that I need to sleep on the floor and there he is, always at my side. I know that I am in crazy cat lady territory here, but I honestly don't know what I would have done without him, especially when I had the SCS implanted and was bedridden for a month after. A couple of years ago the pain was so bad that I was in tears and praying for a brain aneurysm because I couldn't take it anymore. Then he grabbed my hand with his paws and started licking my fingers. I smiled. That's when it really hit me. One minute, praying for a merciful death and the next, smiling and getting distracted from the pain due to Mr. Burke.

You're on point with your list! I've checked everything off. Also adding that I take turmeric, magnesium and potassium for my inflammation and leg cramps. My calves always get really bad spasms and I had my fiancé get the rolling pin from the kitchen and just roll my legs. It felt so good! My massage therapist is amazing. I was a client of his prior to the incident and still am at present. I wish I could afford to have him make house calls every day. My right shoulder gets "stuck" sometimes. You know how you put your shoulder to your ear when you're holding the phone? It's like that. The muscles spasm so bad that they lock it. He works on just that for a half hour (I do 90 minute sessions) and it helps sssssoooooooo much.

I love to read and I actually turned a bedroom in our house into a library. I thought that reading would distract me, but I couldn't focus because of the pain. Instead, I binge watched my favorite TV shows and dove into super nerd documentaries on YouTube. Distraction helps immensely!

Thank you so much for the encouragement, help, and kindness. Thank you for also sharing your story. It sucks being a member of the chronic pain club, but at least we aren't alone. I'll pray that you have a wonderful, pain free (or minimum pain if you aren't able to get to 100% with your condition), stress free, beautiful wedding that you look back on with joy.

Oh, and here's my "non-lap" cat, Mr. Burke.

Love of a Rescue

My Mountain Lion

Handsome kitty

Fat Cat

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Thank you so much. You are absolutely right and I will take your advice. The day will be about the union of my fiancé and I. A celebration for a new beginning.

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Thank you!

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Thank you so much! There are only so many things that I can do to be in the best shape possible on our wedding day. At some point I need to trust in faith.

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Thank you so very much!

Sending an abundance of positive vibes your way lovely. Remember that what matters most is the love between you and your partner. Whichever way it takes place, you get to spend this life with someone you love and not everyone can say that. I hope you feel better and that you get to move forward with the wedding in the way that you’d to. ♥️♥️♥️♥️🙂

Hi, I understand how you feel, I have reumathoid artritis and getting marry on December, when it’s cold and condition gets worst. I’m really trying to take care of my self, includes meds and healthy food, sometimes rest, lol but I’m positive and I pray to God you get well soon do you can enjoy your big day, 😊🙏🏼

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Thank you, I appreciate your input and I agree whole heartedly that the wedding itself isn't important, it is the marriage. However, I believe there may have been a misunderstanding.

I don't quite understand why you're saying things like "All those lost memories of dancing, how pretty the centerpieces might have been...won't be much of a loss.", "BUT sometimes--maybe always, you--and everyone, need to realize that in the grand scheme it is only one day" and " We build it up as something that has to be like a dream, a fairytale, with just the right wisp of our hair and a photographer that costs more than a monthly paycheck"

I honestly couldn't give a hoot about the centerpieces, cake, flowers ,etc. I am not asking for prayers and positive vibes so I could be a fairy princess. I'm asking for prayers and positive vibes so that I may be able to walk down the aisle. To be able to exchange vows in a house of worship with our nearest and dearest there to witness. I want to be able to dance to the song that my fiancé chose for our first dance because he said that every time he hears it, he has pictured us dancing to it at our wedding. (This was before we were even engaged). I want to be able to do these things without feeling like I have bees stinging my legs. So intense and real feeling that I always have to check that there aren't actual bees stinging me. I want to be able to sit next to him and not have the sensation that someone is pressing ice cubes against my left thigh while simultaneously feeling like I have a bad sunburn on my back that someone is rubbing sand paper against. I want to not feel like I am being stabbed with a molten hot dagger in the ribs and thoracic spine. So intense that it causes my blood pressure to drop and my heart rate sky rocket. I don't want to faint from the extreme pain and hit my head into the stone floor. I don't want to have to be rushed to the hospital with a concussion or a more serious injury. I don't want to spend my wedding night in a hospital bed with an IV pumping pain medication into me and with a resting heart rate of 160bpm due to the severity of the pain, 3 hours after I fainted. I want to be able to walk and not look like I am drunk because I do not have full feeling from the chest down. I want to be able to wear my wedding gown without it rubbing against blisters on my lower back the size of the palm of my hand. I want to be in the arms of my fiancé, focus on nothing but that moment, and not have my legs seize up and lock in excruciating pain. So much so, that I scream as it feels like I have been hog tied by an electric fence. I want to be able to sit down and have our first meal together as husband and wife without vomiting because my body cannot handle the amount of pain that I am in. I don't want to wish for a brain aneurysm in the moment because the pain is so overwhelming that I feel like giving up. This is just a teensy bit of how I feel in a flare up. Even without the flare up, there hasn't been one single moment where I have been less than a 6 on the pain scale, and those days are rare. My fiancé and I know that that "lifetime to make up or it" most likely will not be that long, as being in such extreme pain every single day is heavy on the cardiac system and it can only take so much.

Both myself and my fiancé have been through situations that have left us fighting for our lives, literally. We know, better than most, that tomorrow is not guaranteed and because of that we view the world from a different perspective. We have both been through Hell and back more than once. I'm sorry that you feel that we shouldn't hope to be able to enjoy our wedding day.

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Thank you!

Sending you major positive vibes. My fiancé deals with intense chronic pain as well. Praying that your flare-up passes quickly.

Lots & lots of prayers for you honey 🙏🏽💕💕

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Oh wow, you do seem to be doing everything you can to balance the stress. Any chance your insurance would pay for massage? That may help too! Yay for hot baths and meditations.

No need to apologize. Prayers sent for a fabulous day honey!!!

I am sending all of my well wishes and prayers your way! Best of luck! 🧡