asking grooms parents to contribute?

Don't ask. Honestly.

The best thing you can do is budget and plan for your wedding with what YOU can afford, and be gracious/relieved when they offer to help.

I have my parents who tell me they cannot give us anything, and have since done things for me like buy 10 globes (travel themed wedding), and my dress so far. I have FH's parents that tell me they intend to help us, but will not tell us that amount apparently until way further out. Which is kind of weird...because I'm paying vendors NOW. So I'm not sure if they're just giving us a giant gift afterwards for our honeymoon, or what. Then again, if FMIL wants to invite up to 40 people to our wedding, I would like to know what this gift is because I'm not paying for people I have never heard of to come to our wedding. But again, not my place to ask. So I'm just rolling with it and basically ignoring her list for the time being.

That's odd that they haven't offered. my FH's family offered before mine even did! I think maybe you could mention the cost of something and see what they say? I read somewhere that the grooms family pays for the rehearsal dinner. Could they do that?

I would say that unless there is something that you are struggling to pay for i wouldn't bring it up. keep it specific if you do decide you need the extra money.

my FMIL suggested that they would give us some money but never came up with an amount.

about a year after we were engaged and my FSIL got engaged and started planning FMIL must have felt guilty and gave us $ claiming that she had promised us this specific amount which never came up in conversation, ever... FH took the money and has it in savings, i appreciate it and like having the wiggle room up from my 10k budget but i could have stayed in budget if needed. i think she felt bad because she didn't realize how expensive weddings were till after her daughter started planning and must be spending a good deal more than us on hers.

Hell no. Pay for it yourself. They've had plenty of opportunity to bring it up with all of the wedding discussion, and they haven't. Any more "hinting" is just going to make things more awkward.

Sorry to burst your bubble-- just being realistic.

I don't think you're supposed to ask. We didn't ask either of our parents for money. (Then again, neither set of parents offered to contribute, either.)

Obligatory mention of how I'm miffed because my parents paid for my younger sister's wedding... Grumble, grumble.

I let them bring it up.

You don't ask for a gift.

Is your FH not comfortable asking them, "hey were you planning on contributing to the wedding and/or host the rehearsal dinner?" If he isn't comfortable just asking them or feels he has to tip toe around the question, then there's your answer. Don't ask. If it's not their style to talk frankly about money then that's gonna be an awkward conversation and you should just let it go.

Nope - regardless how comfortable you are talking about money, asking for handouts is never appropriate.

I think its ok to mention, what were you guys thinking about the grooms dinner.....very open ended likethat. I dont think you should ask for money specifically but just bring up the grooms dinner to see if they are planning on hosting it or not. If you are planning on doing it in a restaurant, you shoud probably be booking it very soon.

This has been all very helpful, thank you so much ladies!!!

Ya the rehearsal (grooms dinner) is the only thing I would really like them to pay anything for if they. if not its completely fine. He does have a pretty good relationship with his parents he has always been able to ask for help whenever its an issue and they help out with no questions asked. I will talk to him about it one of these days. haha just so weird :-S

This subject upsets me, just because it seems like so many people basically expect their parents/inlaws to pay. I'm not calling you out- it just seems like this is the way most people think nowadays.

This subject never once crossed my mind. Don’t go into wedding planning thinking and hoping that “this will be paid for by my parents, and this will be paid for by FH’s” This is YOUR wedding.

Because what if they can’t contribute, and by doing so they might find themselves in a financial problem.

Plan your wedding with what you can afford. Don’t ask for money, if they offer graciously accept.

@FutureMrs.L - I'm like..... halfway with you. I fully expected that i'd be paying for 100% of my own wedding. However, I'm still annoyed by that fact because my parents paid for my sister's wedding, just like I'm annoyed that they paid for her to go to college while I paid for myself to go. I don't care about the money; I'm upset about the favoritism.

When a son or daughter is getting married, the parents are well aware that the couple is going to be spending money. If the parents have been married for decades, they may not realize how much money it costs to host the average wedding today, but they do know it's going to be expensive. I'm really of the opinion that if parents plan to contribute to a wedding, they will offer. I would never presume to ask. What could result is an awkward conversation that forces the parent to begin explaining why they can't contribute, and nobody should have to offer explanations about their financial limitations.

With your wedding five months out, I would think that if they could contribute, they would have by now -- even if it's something like asking if you'd like help with the DJ, the flowers, the alcohol -- whatever. Perhaps they are planning to give you a nice check as a wedding gift. I know you'd probably rather have it now, but that's really up to them. Have they mentioned hosting a rehearsal dinner? Maybe that's where they plan to contribute.

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Love it!!! haha

I’m having this same issue! We’re getting married in Turks & Caicos and so far my family and my fiancé and I have paid for everything. His family is by no means short on money, but I feel they think paying to come is their contribution. I am not one to ask, but even if they offered to cover just my bouquet would be helpful. Them not offering definitely puts you in a sticky situation. At the end of the day, plan for what you can afford and don’t ask. We’re not going to.

I’m in the same boat as you are. I respectfully do not agree with the, you don’t ask or you don’t assume that your family will help pay for your wedding. Whatever happened to traditions?
I straight out asked my parents if they were going to help and they said, well of course, we have been waiting for you to start talking about it.
Now in my situation, my fiancé’s dad, said to tell him his roll in the wedding. Now I’m not sure exactly what he meant by that. So we are asking him for clarification on what he meant. I don’t expect anyone to help with our wedding, however, I like traditions and I will ask if they planned on helping to pay for certain things that follow traditions. They can always say no. Aren’t weddings about bringing families together?