Asking guests to pay for their meal

View Quoted Comment You said above that people typically give money anyway. In general, people know that cash is a good gift. They don't need to be told. As Jana said, mentioning gifts of any sort on the invitation can be seen as rude. Especially if gifting cash is the norm, that makes it even less likely that you need to mention it on the invitation. It's standard in my area as well. No one ever mentions gifts or registries on invites and guests always bring cash/checks in a card that is then placed in a card box at the reception.

View Quoted Comment Different cultures different practices. We are choosing to write it on our details card in our invites to assist some who aren’t sure (we’ve already had a number of people ask us what to get).


At the end of the day, people respond differently to things and I personally have accepted that we won’t be able to please everyone.

View Quoted Comment Umm I don’t think I said that

View Quoted Comment Yeah, I was quoting mrswinteriscoming.

Absolutely not! You can’t invite people to celebrate with you and then not feed them. Especially because they’ll likely be getting you a gift as well.

View Quoted Comment Ok, that’s might have been bit harsh. 🤭 But you definitely do not ask guests to pay for a meal at your wedding. Totally fine to host a non mealtime wedding and just cake/dessert after. 👍

No way it's not an good idea to ask guest to pay for their own food. They ate the ones whose invited and it your wedding for instant...so i totally feel like that's so unfair to the guest ..

No please don't do that.


You can cut back on other things. You can find discount invites/RSVPs. Or you can print them yourself or do electronic invites and RSVPs. Sheet cake instead of a big bridal cake. Buy a second hand wedding dress, etc. You should not ask guests to pay for their own meal.

No. If you've been forced into a tough spot and have to cut back, I completely understand, so either cut back on the guest list, switch to an hors d'oeuvres style reception, maybe even both. Other ladies have discussed food trucks and such. There are lots of options. ❤ good luck!

View Quoted Comment I'm sorry your future FIL said that. This is one of the comments that make me mad. You can have a wedding AND still buy a house. You can celebrate your wedding day AND be committed to your lifetime of marriage. I think these comments come from a place of jealousy. And it's flat out rude to count other people's money.


You said that you're doing a good job staying in budget. Keep doing so! Like another poster said, stand your ground! Don't let other people talk you into things you don't want, and don't fall into the trap of going along with wild ideas you know won't work (you already knew you can't ask guests to pay) for the sake of being polite. Just thank people for their input, change the subject, and throw their ideas right out the window!

View Quoted Comment Thank you Jeni, I really don’t understand the pressure to do act like we need to save money and cut back on the wedding when like I said before 60% is paid for and we have the rest in savings. Plus we have more time since had to postpone due to coronavirus. So we went from 3 months to 11 months.

I'd recommend doing a non-meal time reception if you aren't planning on paying for the meal (not implying that you can't - just giving you a more polite option than asking guests to pay for their own meals). I'm so happy for you that you have 60% of it paid already, though! That's great!

I agree with what people have said- cut costs another way like a brunch reception (it's way cheaper, I was considering it at one point), or a dessert and cocktail reception. In the invite you could say "cocktail reception to follow" or something that is clearly not dinner.
Me and my fiance had a have a long talk about budget and we came up with our list of non negotiable items, looked at how much those might be, and kinda just sucked it up and mentally prepared for what the bill would be. Our priority is having it be a fun night for our family and friends- we want it to be a fun party since it is the first and probably only time all of our friends will be together with us. So we wanted a place with everything on site, an open bar, a photographer and videographer (and all of these are pricy.) Then we looked at the things we're willing to be flexible on, like for us it was flowers and general decor, so we're (really me, lol) DIY-ing those things. At the end of the day it's YOUR wedding and your hard earned money. As long as you see the value of what you're paying for, go with it!

It sounds like you are doing an awesome job! If you guys are paying for your own wedding and not asking for help, then it's really nobody's business what you choose to do with your money. Like the previous poster said, having a wedding doesn't mean you aren't also planning for your future. There is nothing wrong with wanting to have a wedding, so don't let those comments get to you.
My mom got married when I was a teenager, and had a small backyard wedding. They had a tight budget (just a few thousand dollars) but still wanted a wedding. And you know what? It was amazing. Lots of DIYs and a more casual meal, but still beautiful and lots of fun. And yours will be too. Keep up the good work!

Nope,it is not a good idea to ask your guests to pay for their meal bc you are inviting them to celebrate your special day without having to pay for anything.

I'll be honest, I personally would feel that most guests would find it really offensive if you forced them to pay for their own meal. I'll be honest, couples already get crap if they host a cash bar, imagine the crap you'd get if you asked your guests to pay for their own meal that may or may not be good.

So I'm Mexican American and it's very common (maybe even traditional) to have people help out in certain areas like with the cake, flowers or maybe the veil. I think that the people you invite to your wedding are people that love and support your relationship and I don't feel you have a wedding for your guest but for yourself and your partner. I see no harm in asking for support. if they don't want to pay or even come to your wedding at all then that shows you who is really coming to your wedding for you or your "free meal and drink".

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Agree with this. Never ask guests to open their wallets at a party you are hosting. If you invite guests, you pay their costs of food/beverages or you cut the guest list to what you can afford to cover for everyone.