Attendees Not Attending

Why are invites sent out 6 months ahead? Nearly every couple has to track down some replies that don't come in on time.
If people choose not to attend, unfortunately there's nothing you can do.. Celebrate with those who do show up and don't invite the rest to future events since you aren't important to them.

So, from my perspective, it doesn’t matter how soon you sent out invites - we are in a pandemic on the way to being on lockdown again... We certainly aren’t attending any indoor events for a while... our hospital systems are overwhelmed in my region. Regarding people that are camping or have another wedding... you can’t be mad if they’re closer to the other couple getting married. The people who are camping, well, you’re wedding and marriage is not a priority if I’m being honest. We had to realize that, too...
At the end of the day, it’s about you two 💕

View Quoted Comment We sent them out 6 months ahead because those we invited, we knew have very heavy schedules, so this would give them plenty of time to plan. We have reached out several times throughout the 6 months as follow ups/ reminders. We've sent out fun texts, emails, fb posts, etc. We made sure to stay on top of that best we could. But now, where we were being told that it was "probably an attend", now there is no reply or something else. I guess I'm just too soft hearted and can't see how someone would make a camping trip a priority over their family's wedding that they've known about for so long. Especially when the wedding has been something that the entire family, and just about all of the guests have been talking about. Our wedding has been a long time coming. So to me it doesn't make sense. But I guess I was raised differently.

I’m sorry you’re having some unexpected declines 😕. Even though it sounds like you gave your guests plenty of advance notice, it doesn’t obligate them to attend. All they are obligated to do it let you know if they can’t make it, so hopefully you won’t overspend on catering, etc. Like Michelle said, it’s pretty typical to have to track down some late responders, so hopefully there’s still a few more Yeses out there!

I think part of your decline rate is due to Covid. I know that my husband and I wouldn't be attending any weddings right now with this spike in cases unless it was a bestfriend or close relative. Maybe some people are waiting to see what happens with Covid? Have you reached out to the ones who didn't respond?


As far as camping the guest could feel more comfortable on an outdoor event or simply is closer to whoever they are going with. Goodluck with everything

View Quoted Comment

I agree with Yasmine.

My city got hit hard in the first wave, and we're in an acknowledged 2nd wave. A lot of people are feeling very scared right now, and many face travel restrictions. (For my state, *45* states and territories are on the "quarantine" list.. and the only reason the ones around us aren't on it, is because of commuters.... but they are discouraging travel between those states.)

I'm sorry this is happening, but my guess is most of your guests are just really worried about large groups.

I know exactly how frustrating that is, especially with less than a month until the event. I sent out my Save the Dates exactly a year before the wedding date. I'm sending out the official invitations in April, 6 months before the wedding. I'm including a very strict, non-negotiable deadline to reply (11:59 p.m. on September 1st, the wedding is October 31) If they have not replied by that date and time, they're not coming to the wedding. Period. I don't care WHO they are and how important they are to us. I will send out one reminder per month. The way I see it, the wedding is one day. It's not the entirety of the relationship. If people don't show up, that's less I have to pay for catering! Also, more dance floor space and more chance for actual conversations.


Always remember: It's ONE DAY. It's a very important and special day, but a marriage is more than a wedding. You can always get together with the other people after the fact.

Many are scared to attebd weddings because of COVID. Good luck!

Hey girl! My wedding is also 12/05/20 and we had invited about 125 as a reduced list and only about 60 have replied. I’ve found since it’s the weekend after thanksgiving many are having to choose which weekend they prefer to travel. Many of my guests have also voiced their concerns surrounding covid. It’s definitely not easy to hear or see people you love and care for say “no” to your wedding. The thing I’m trying to remember is that we will be married that day in the presence of anyone who truly wants to be there. Our pictures will still look beautiful, the food will still be good, and at the end of the day you married your person! You can always message me to vent, this wedding planning has not been what I imagined! 😅

I totally feel your frustration. Regardless of COVID I believe people should RSVP. If you cannot attend, LET ME KNOW. Its not going to hurt my feelings if you cant come. (Unless of course you have family members like me who are going on a last minute trip to DisneyWorld instead of your small intimate wedding....😑😑😑) Our guests comfort and safety comes first and we are happy to know that many are celebrating from home. I didnt want a big wedding anyways lmao. But yeah, I'm exactly two weeks away (sent STDs out 8momths in advance due to it technically beimg destinatiom for the majority of people and invites 2 months in advance) and out of 140 guests originally invited, 120max pre COVID, 75max allowed now, only 40 something people have RSVPd yes or no. Our immediate families take up most of that on their own lol. We are expecting 60 people to show up the day of. Its frustrating, but I've learned that you just cant take it personally because people arent really worried about anyone else but themselves this year. I mean how can you blame them theyve been stuck inside for 9+ months haha!

PS: I agree with a PP that is depends on your date as well. My wedding is the weekend of thanksgiving, and yours is the one after. A lot of people just dont want to travel durimg that crazy time, COVID or no.

For whatever reason, sending out things way in advance usually leads to very low attendance, and that is long before Covid. Teaching at upper levels, high school and university, the same is true for research reading and term papers. The longer they have to dp it the more likely they are to not take it seriously and do it at all. So suddenly at 2-4 weeks out, a lot are now just thinking, planning, this thing a couple weeks away, will I do it or not. While you have been thinking,, surely they would have let me know 5 months ago if they knew they would be in France, surgery, childbirth? Nope. You likely could have invited 30-40 more, to get the same number attending. People mostly do not plan very far a head, and invites sent 10 weeks to 6 months out, may as well mostly not be sent. People put them aside, oh I have plenty of time , then out of sight, out of mind. Part of why there is a convention of sending all major invitations to arrive 6-8 weeks out ( usually 8). Far enough away to make plans based on what is happening at wedding time, and will all invitations sitting in front of you. Because it doesn't matter a hoot if you or six others sent save the dates for one week and the weekends on either end. People are completely free to wait til six weeks out or less, look at their work and kids schedules, look at 4-6 invitations, and look at the money they actually have in the bank, and commit. And the first wedding or party they heard about 5 months ago, may be cast aside for an invitation received last week. Save the dates, sent way in advance and to many people, actually do not reserve any date, except to commit the host. I still prefer the older way, talking to everyone by phone shortly before invitations go out, because a fair number of " absolutely can't " people let you know, don't send them invitations, so you can likely send out 10-40 more invitations. And you have a better sense of things from the shower at 8-10 weeks where some are saying, I wanted to be sure to come, since I will be away and not at the wedding. I am sorry you are just finding out. And Covid is messing things up even worse. At this point, call everybody. Find out in a night, with 2-3 of you calling. Ordinarily, telephoned invitations are usually only used for weddings planned on short notice, or very casual ones. But given that You made a large list , and for Covid cut it down, I think that if you first call everyone now late with RSVPS, see where you are, then call people and say, we did not send invites to half out list, including you, because we were afraid to invite you , then have the governor's committee cut our numbers in half. But we now know we have enough spaces , and if you are free, and would like to come, you are invited. If they say even maybe, tell them the meals, And tell them they can call or email or in 2 days you will call again. Don't make them jump through hoops, to go online. At this point, the important thing is that they truly feel wanted, and next best thing to a formal invite weeks ago is you personally inviting them, and caring what their answer is. People on WW usually scream at this. But look in any etiquette book, old or new, and there has since the 1940's for telephoned invitations for things planned in short time, or for changes because changes have been forced on you the host due to outside issues. Covid counts. This is not routine B listing, not nice. This is not knowing week to week how many you can have due to Covid restrictions. I am sorry this has happened.

Very frustrating! Celebrate with those that will be there! There’s absolutely nothing you can do about it so it’s pointless to stress over something you have no control over.

I Had The Same Issue. Alot Of Guests Didnt RSVP And We Had To Reach Out To Them For Answers Once The RSVP Deadline Passed.

Hi Brandy! Wow I am so sorry to hear that; I can totally see how heartbreaking that is! My cousin had the same thing happen to her and even some of the people who RSVP'd yes didn't even show up (SO rude!). I would reach out to them if you'd like to but if not enjoy your day and don't let anyone ruin it!

I’m sorry that you are feeling so frustrated and disappointed with the low numbers. However with that said I think some of it is due to how you handled it. Sending out the invitations so very early means people will forget, they may or may not mark it on their calendar that early. And then you said you send “fun texts” and emails so you basically then sent spam texts and emails to your friends and family trying to keep your wedding at the top of their mind. People don’t like getting spam mail. And after the first one they probably began getting annoyed with you and therefore never even thought about sending in their RSVP.
That’s why the recommendation for sending invites is 6-8 weeks, not 6 months. You then reach out to those that haven’t RSVPd once the deadline has passed.
At this point chalk it up to a learning moment and make the best of the guests you have. I’m sure your wedding with be beautiful and you will have a great day. Good luck!