Attending a Wedding Without Gift Giving

@GymRat- no they weren't. We didn't have a bridal party. To add to the insult we had spent a ton to attend the one brothers destination wedding about six months before were they didn't pay for anything....not even a reception. This same brother has also taken several imprint trips over the last few months so money doesn't seem to be an issue.

I would be a little shocked by this but I guess it's because I've always given a gift; even if I'm unable to attend a wedding- I still either mail a card or send a gift from their registry. Although I'm sure it'll happen... sometimes you don't know a persons situation and I'll just be happy that their presence was with us on our big day!

Oh and another thing. If I personally could not afford a gift, I'd actually let the couple know and figure something out to show my appreciation.

The last thing I would want the couple to think that I was rude, cheap or lacked etiquette.

This always shocks me - I can't imagine going to a wedding and not giving a gift. I'm sure it'll happen to us too.

It's rude as hell to show up to a wedding without a gift (unless you gave one at a shower or sent one to the bride and groom ahead of time), but it is, unfortunately, becoming more and more prevalent as people lose all sense of common courtesy.

These days, many people (i.e. cheapskates) assume that if you're living together already, you probably don't need or want anything, and others have their heads so far up their own asses that they're really just there for the free booze and never gave a second's thought to getting you a gift.

We haven't sent invites yet, but our closest friends and relatives know about the wedding, and I had one call me a week or two ago and ask "You don't expect gifts, right? I mean, what do you give a couple who already has everything?" I started to say "You remember the gift we gave you at your wedding? We bought that from something called a registry, which we also set up for our own guests' convenience."

I like to think of our Guests showing up and supporting our Ceremony as a gift in itself. Try to see the brighter side in things I, personally, wouldnt show up to a wedding ( engagement, bridal or bach shower) empty handed, but thats just me.

Agree 100% with @Rachel, as usual. I just want to chime in and point out that per etiquette, a wedding gift is still timely given up to one year after the wedding. I wouldn't rule out the possibility of receiving some gifts in the mail over the next few weeks.

@racheld if you all just graduated might it be the gift is coming later? I agree with everything said above about gifts not being mandatory/required but kind of and considering gifts that were sent earlier

It's a bit weird if they attended but I could see (especially if money was tight immediately following graduation) sending a gift from the registry slightly later. Is it great behavior? No. Is it still thoughtful given the situation? Most likely. I know I've sent/given gifts after the fact for a wedding I couldn't attend.

Etiquette says people have a year to gift after a wedding??

I actually never bring a gift to the wedding itself. I always gift AFTER the event, except for the last wedding I went to, they did not and will not get a gift from us. A lot of people do send the gift after the event for many reasons.

I'd never do it and I'd be surprised if someone does it to us.

There are, though, occasionally circumstances.

My friend was an OOT guest at another friend's wedding. He left the card/gift on his dresser at home.

Four years (!!!) later, he managed to finally mail it.

Now, he informed the married friend what happened. And the next three times I went to visit him, I saw that card sitting on his dresser. Luckily 1) gift cards no longer expire and 2) we all totally expect this kind of thing from him!!

I would die of tackiness if I attended a wedding without bringing a gift. Its just how I was raised.

We were surprised at who did not give us a wedding gift -- several of DH's adult cousins, and several of DH's friends. No one on my side at least!!

I understand doing a shower gift and not bringing one to the wedding, kind of doing one or the other. I've also heard that you need to do both. I think it's always best to not expect anything from anyone, but be grateful for those who did contribute and brought a gift. I'm sorry you're a bit down!

I find it shocking, but I guess I really shouldn't, as @Casey pointed out, many people seem to lack common courtesy.

For me, a wedding is just entertaining on a larger scale. I would never go to someone's home without bringing flowers or wine or something so I would certainly never consider going to a wedding empty handed. Even when I first graduated from college, I always gave a shower gift (if invited) and gave a check in a card for the wedding. This is the way I was raised and it shocks me how many people don't seem to care.

I think it's pretty common. Especially if they've given you something at one of your showers

All such good points! I didn't know about the year long rule. But I feel like these younger guests that didn't bring gifts probably don't know that rule lol. Maybe I'm wrong. I guess I was more confused cause one of them texted me that weekend before and asked where I was registered. Another 2 of the girls didn't make the shower and said they'd give me my gift later and they wanted to come drop it off...maybe they are all just running behind. I'm just a little embarrassed cause both our parents and their friends and family all did gifts and my husbands friends did. It's literally my little group of friends. One of them flew in from Seattle and I was just happy he came so that didn't bother me at all. But maybe it is a graduation thing. I guess I had graduation and wedding expenses all at once so it didn't seem like as much to me to just pay for graduation stuff! I mentioned to my friend Joey (we are both 30 and graduating nursing school and he also stood in our wedding). He said maybe they just don't know the etiquette. I just thought everyone knew you give a couple starting their life together a gift! Even a card! I have friends where money is tight as well and the card was very thoughtful. Thanks for sharing all your experiences and such. I feel better about it this morning. Gonna enjoy my Monday! Lol

@Fall bride I never bring a gift to the wedding itself because I gift according to the event, the "cover your plate" rule. My grandmother was big on that. It was totally normal to see people in the restroom determining a gift for the couple while the wedding was going on. Cash bar, honeymoon registry, or like the potluck disaster I went to a few weeks ago, those are HUGE no no's and people get offended by poor hosting and their gift reflects that. No matter how many people say "my family and friends won't mind", that is absolutely NOT TRUE.

@Rachel here's the thing though-weddings are not gift giving events. If they gave a gift, that is an extra bonus, but if they didn't they didn't do anything wrong.

I personally would never show up without something. My friend's wedding a couple of weeks ago I ordered off their registry and it was shipped to them so I brought a card to the wedding.

Thanks @kaitlyn M. I guess I was raised that's it kind of like a birthday or Christmas. You bring a present for a special occasion! It's all good dude! Count my blessings, which are plentiful