Attending a Wedding Without Gift Giving

@Rachel As far as the one-year rule is concerned, when my crew first started going to weddings we had no idea what we were doing, so I feel like we googled. If you google, it's like the first thing that comes up! So that's how it all started amongst our group...that and the fact that we're ultra lazy. I keep asking how hard it is to click a button on a registry, but everyone always thinks I'm nuts lol.

We opened our cards last night and about 5 people didn't bring gifts or even a card. I was pretty surprised by the lack of even a card.

Guests do not have to give a gift. Plus proper etiquette states you have one year to give a gift to the couple. Your wedding may have occurred at a difficult time for them financially or maybe they left it at home. Let it go be thankful they attended your wedding and move on.

Going to a wedding without a card or gift in hand or sent ahead of time isn't something I would think to do, but gift giving at weddings is optional. I'd just try to focus on being grateful for the lovely gifts and cards that you did receive.

I will say that we've continued to receive gifts and cards by mail over the last couple months. We just received something over Memorial Day weekend from one of our GM. It's acceptable to send wedding presents to a newly married couple up to a year after their wedding. It's possible some guests didn't have time to mail their card or order a gift before your wedding or are waiting for a more convenient time for them to send something. Don't waste time being upset about this when you may not have even received all of your wedding gifts, yet.

My FH has been guilty of this. for some reason he always feels like he needs a boxed gift, not a card, so i'm pretty sure there were some weddings early in our relationship where he planned to send a gift after (but possibly never did).

Much of my guest list has to fly/rent cars/book hotel rooms because I'm getting married in my home state (MA) and I live in IL. I am so thankful that so many people I'm close with in IL want to spend that kind of money to be a part of my day - I certainly do not expect presents from those who are traveling.

@Mrs. Fall Bride I do not 100% follow the "cover your plate" rule. If I am properly hosted, no cash bar, no honeymoon fund, seat for ceremony and reception, then I gift according to the way I was hosted. If there is a cash bar, honeymoon fund, no seats, etc, then once again I gift accordingly. As far as the pot luck wedding we went to recently, we did not know it was going to be pot luck, outside in the 90 degree heat 100% humidity, near the river with bugs and no seats at ALL. If I would have known, we definitely would not have wasted our time going. If I am properly hosted, I gift accordingly. If I am not properly hosted, then same thing.

I 100% agree with @Fall.

@Kaitlyn, you sound like you'd be so much fun to be friends with!

We didn't get gifts from everyone. Most, but not all. Those who didn't certainly never came up in conversation. I mean, what are we supposed to do? It is what it is. I've got bigger fish to fry the who didn't give us a gift and what their reasons are.

@SleepytheDwarf and Mrs. Fall Bride -to each their own. If my best friend invites me to her wedding and doesn't have a seat for me, no tables, no cover from the weather, then to me my "friend" doesn't think too highly of her friends to be such a crappy host. You do not reward bad behavior for anything and not properly hosting an event is bad behavior. If I get invited to a wedding where I am properly hosted, food and drinks, seats, temperature appropriate venue, then you in return get a proper gift. People on here say it all the time that if they go to a wedding where there is a cash bar they have or will take money out of the card. Same principal.

We had around 15 people/couples not give gifts, and I didn’t have a shower. I was honestly a little annoyed just because I can’t imagine ever going to a wedding empty-handed, so it was crazy to me that such a large percentage did that.

We went to a cash bar over the weekend and still gave them $$$ in the card :/

To say gift-giving is optional at weddings (or the shower or engagement party) is like saying tipping is optional at a restaurant. No one is going to deny you entrance if you don't give something, but it is absolutely socially frowned upon to not give something.

You should never bring it up in conversation with someone who didn't give you a wedding gift, but you're not wrong to find it very bad form for a guest and to think twice before inviting them to anything else you're hosting in the future. It's not about being entitled to stuff; it's about not wanting to socialize with people who have poor manners. We go on and on about "properly hosting your guests" on this site. Well, being a good guest is a thing also.

I would never go empty handed over to a friends house on a friday night for movie night, nevermind a wedding. so rude. but i hear it happens.

Well just FYI, everyone had seats and air condition, it was an open paid for bar, and we had several stations of food that was all you can eat! We got endless compliments on the food and wedding itself! No honey fund or cash bar or anything like that. They were well taken care of

It's not age - it's how you were raised...

My 20-year-old sister went to a million stores just to find me the a candle that she felt was perfect enough to give me. I found out today that is the reason why she missed my ceremony. She was late getting back to her hotel to get ready.

I will take that over my 41-year-old friend who came with her BF who didn't give shit. No card, no nothing.

@Jersey - that sucks!

I would never expect gifts from my guests, even though I know I'll get some. Especially my side. But FH's side doesn't even really give him birthday gifts so expecting wedding gifts would really be a stretch haha

Yeah I'd be surprised as well as annoyed and disappointed.

Sorry man. It's just wrong to show up to a wedding completely empty handed. Like damn not even a card with well wishes? That takes almost nothing!

And I feel like I have the right to speak because im not particularly wealthy or close to it by any means. But I've always made the effort to have something.

I agree with @Casey and MrsFallBride. Gifts aren't required, but I consider it a no-no so I always take something (usually cash and a card). I suspect there will be people at our wedding who don't bring gifts as well. I think it's all inline with what they're accustomed to. Also, we're not creating a registry either, so I think the number of our gift-giving guests will be on the lower end.

We also noticed quite a few people, mostly his friends, who attended, ate the food and drank the free booze, but didn't even give us a "congrats on getting married" card. DH even asked me to ask my family member who gathered all the stuff afterwards if she accidentally had some of our cards mixed in with her stuff.

Honestly, it doesn't surprise that much about these people. None of the groomsmen even gave us cards. It's a shame that people don't have better manners, but what can we do about it now?