Attire - wording

I would say semi formal. And yes, I think it's always smart to say what the attire should be. Yes, adults know how to dress themselves but like you said, you don't want them showing up formal when it's not. That happened to me once because it never said what the attire was and everyone was in floor length dresses and I was in a cocktail dress.. my venue has the word ranch in it but the place has been redone and it's very nice, not like a barnyard so I'm letting the guest know that it will be semi formal.

I disagree about it being rude if placed on the website in the FAQ section.

I said it's rude to put it on the invitation.

It's ALWAYS rude to give your guests a dress code, unless it's black tie.

For those of you saying you don't know how to tell how formal a wedding is, you ask the bride or groom. Giving people a dress code is rude, and a huge breach of etiquette. Adults can dress themselves.

Notes regarding footwear when there's issues such as heels on grass are generally viewed as okay, but telling people things like "cocktail," "semi-formal," etc is always rude unless it's black tie.

Let people wear what they want (eye roll).

Our venue is a country club and it has a dress code, we are putting it under the FAQ on our website. I personally like it when people include it on the website so that I know how to dress. Yes I know how to dress myself, but not all weddings are the same, some are more formal, and I don't want to be over or under dressed.

Venue dress codes are an exception to the rule.

I disagree - while adults know how to dress themselves for their usual context, if they're traveling for the wedding, they may need some help understanding expectations in that region.

Make sure to ask FH about his crowd too! I didn't think I needed a dress code, my family and friends know to at least wear dress casual/semiformal to a wedding. But FH solemnly assured me that in his part of the country, "dress jeans" are a real thing, and if we didn't put some dress code in, some of his people would show up in jeans and pearl snaps.

@mna: I think your personal opinions on etiquette just don't take anxiety into account. I would feel like I was imposing to ask the bride or groom about something that minor when I know they're busy and would much rather have that information on the website. I just don't think, at the end of the day, that anyone is going to be so grievously offended by someone writing a few words about attire in the FAQ section of their website. No one's going to remember in a few weeks or years. The fact that I, and several other people on this thread have said they don't think it's a problem suggests that your opinions on etiquette are just that - opinions and not an absolute law about what is rude and what isn't. In the grand scheme of what could possibly be construed as rude, mentioning attire is pretty low on the list, in my opinion. Most people just don't care THAT much about your wedding to be offended, and those people who find guidance about attire useful will be grateful.

Another thought, if you have over 100 guests, would you want all 100 calling you to ask how formal it is?

Our wedding and reception is black-tie I will state that on our website. I could care less how others feel about it. My photos should reflect the venue and attire should match. We are paying to much money for people to show up in what ever...I want a formal look at our wedding.

I love to be told how formal to be dressed. I also like to know if I will be walking in the grass, outside or inside, church,? I always think of the poor guest who is someone plus one and has no idea how to dress or who to ask.

I went to a wedding with FH that only had the address on the invite, it was a Lutheran Church and I was wearing a cocktail dress that was not to revealing for a country club but I would have liked to wear a sweater for the church. I was super out of place and felt very weird. I also went to a wedding at an outdoor/bar venue and only 10 people dressed correctly for the event I heard a handful of people talking about how they didnt realize how formal it was due to the location.

I agree you should NOT put formality on the invite or even make a big deal telling guest examples such as women wear cocktail dress or dress slack and nice shirt, men wear dress shirt and tie. All you need to say is semi-formal.

@Catherine: You've obviously never picked up a wedding etiquette book then.

Directly from the Emily Post website, it states to NEVER mention attire or gifts on the invitation, and black tie is the only acceptable designation. Not an opinion I made up, it is a long known and established fact. Opinion = what an individual feels about something. Fact = a known bit of information that can be looked up in a reputable/known good source of information. In this case, any Emily Post etiquette book or website.

http://emilypost.com/advice/formal-wedding-invitation-wording/

For those declaring they never know what to wear, you can also find that information for your perusal. There are standards for a wedding. They are called etiquette. People should really learn them.

@Crystal: Are you having a plates multi-course meal, white glove service, top shelf open bar, live band, and valet parking? Because as a host, those are all part of the requirements for actual black-tie hosting.

I'm not saying your event isn't, and if you are doing these thing, great. If you're claiming black tie just because you want everyone in tuxes however, it isn't truly a black tie affair. Many people confuse the two.

The emilypost actually says the wedding website is a perfect place to put attire http://emilypost.com/advice/wedding-website-tips/

I have seen semi-formal on many invitations.

I've been to a black tie wedding and it was nothing like MNA described. All men wore tuxes though and woman wore beaded evening gowns. The dress was black tie.

I didn't read the comments- but I think your venue and style of invitations would dictate the appropriate attire.

Hopefully most adults would know that jeans aren't appropriate attire for a wedding, but I know it happens.

I'm actually in agreement that it can be helpful to have the attire on the website. It's useful and a guide which is the type of information that is helpful as a guest to know.

@mna you seem to have a very dogmatic approach and are confused as to what a fact actually is. Emily Post is one source and other sources would have conflicting information. According to the website they actually provide advice - guidance or recommendations concerning prudent future action. This is more akin to opinions than facts.

@mna No, I have not. But I've listened to multiple podcasts and read plenty of articles online that talk about etiquette. The consensus? When the standards of wedding etiquette are outdated and don't serve a purpose anymore, there's no point in holding onto them. I don't really care what Emily Post in particular has to say about this. Also I'm not talking about listing attire on the invitation, I'm talking about listing it on the website. Maybe Emily Post is a good source for some things, but I think it's always fair game to critically evaluate standards of etiquette and decide whether they're applicable anymore.

I think it comes down to whether doing something harms or benefits your guests. Putting information about attire on your website can benefit some of your guests. Does it harm any of them? I would argue that it doesn't. Some of your guests probably won't even read the information on every page of your website. I don't see a need for very specific standards for what a wedding should be as long as you are hosting your guests well. And that includes providing information, especially if that information could ease their anxiety.