Attire - wording

Attire shouldn't go on the invite, but wedding websites are a less formal way of giving out information to your guests that may be of help to them.

@mna, your advice, while helpful, is coming across as overbearing. My advice is to stand down and chill out.

Spazzy = perfection. I'm putting formal-black tie optional on our wedding website and our invites. I will not be mad if anyone doesn't abide by it. Doubt any of my guests will take offense to it (small wedding, all very close family and friends). To each their own.

IMO it all depends on your specific situation. If there is anything out of the ordinary, please alert your guests. If you're having a standard ceremony and reception then you don't need to say anything, they'll figure it out. Not all weddings are the same. We're having a casual reception/pool party so we wanted it to be clear that people should dress casually and bring swimwear, towels, etc. Our ceremony is on the beach so we suggested going barefoot or bring sandals. People have asked, and yes, they are functioning adults. We put this on the invites and the website. If WW doesn't agree, oh well.

You don't express a desired attire. You let people figure it out.

Most people will get it right -- or close to right -- if you include a pic of your venue. For example, last night I attended a family wedding at The Rockleigh, a Georgian style mansion with an unbelievably opulent ballroom. One look at the venue told me everything I needed to know. I wore a black, Ralph Lauren gown with long sleeves that were black sequined and a cut crystal statement necklace. I was in sync with about 70% of the female guests (huge wedding -- over 250 people). Black was the color of the evening, and I saw it in gowns, cocktail dresses, designer dresses below the knee, and even in the "there are her ass cheeks" dresses. Some ladies went with black slacks and modestly embellished blouses, but nobody stood out as incorrectly dressed. Even the men got it right -- suits or dress shirts with sports coats.

Just leave a photo (and even better, a description of the venue from their website) on your wedding website. If people can't understand that a barn or farm wedding isn't gown appropriate (unless they are being worn by the VIPS), there's not much you can do. Conversely, if people don't understand that they shouldn't wear Casual Friday to a ballroom wedding, there isn't much you can do. In the end, nobody really notices the few who get it wrong.

I agree with Cathrine that properly hosting someone is letting them know what the attire is on your website, according to emily post, that's a good place to put it.

Let adults be adults. Post a photo of the venue and let people figure out what to wear from there.

@erin wood: No, if it was not exactly like Mna described, it was NOT a black tie wedding. Those elements are NECESSARY if you want a black-tie event and sometimes even that isnt enough. You almost always need a mansion/estate or a very very very formal hotel as the setting. The wedding you went to, the bride and groom thought their shit didn't stink and told everyone to show up in tuxes. not cool

View Quoted Comment Wow. You are a very unhappy person. I would love to know the level of dressed up I need to be rather than stress about or bother people with much better things to do.

I see you have already gotten married! Congrats! I would love to know if you decided to put the dress code on the invite. I am also trying to figure out how to put this on my invitation/website. I don't want cocktail, but I don't want too fancy either. Any suggestions?

Also, to those who think it is rude to put it on the invite/website:

I think it's completely fine and normal to add an attire type. Obviously only put like semi-formal/cocktail/formal. Giving guests a vague detail is completely fine.

You aren't telling them how to dress, you are just telling them what type of wedding you are having by doing this. Telling someone how to dress would be listing what not to wear and what to wear. And that would definitely be considered rude.

I agree that it helps to know the basic level of dress desired or expected. I missed it once when a company said they dress casually. I overdressed for it. lol