Attitude

Yeah there is no nice way to tell someone you don’t like how they do their makeup. You will just have to suck it up and accept it however it is.
As for the shoes it is perfectly fine for you to ask them to wear silver shoes. That shouldn’t be too difficult to find.

I don't think anything's wrong with requesting what she wear for the wedding. But, I don't think you should tell her how to do her makeup unless you're paying for it and she agrees.

Wow so sorry you had to deal with that. Picking any silver (or whatever color) shoes is hardly dictating a look. You did absolutely nothing wrong so don't let her make you feel bad. She needs to chill. Is your fiance comfortable with talking to her since she doesn't like your responses? Otherwise, let it go.

So here are my questions: Why is she not standing on his side and following his protocol? That is his friend so she can stand with the groomsmen. Also, I have been told color schemes, how to wear my hair and what color shoes to wear so you are not wrong to me unless you tell the ladies the exact type of shoe to wear then maybe you buy that. I mean it is okay to tell the ladies you prefer a natural make up look but not dictate the exact color. Truthfully no one has ever told me how to wear my make up I just naturally think a wedding is best for a more mature, natural look. I would maybe have a convo with your husband about the conversation and it may be late to change it now but I do not feel you should have her in your wedding when you do get along. You do have a choice. In my opinion if he wants her involved then she can stand on his side. Not to cause drama but for her to tell you not to tell her what to wear that is fine but I feel rude for her to say that. If anything to make peace let her do her thing and she can stand at the back as really the attention will be on you two.

I don’t think you’re wrong for asking her to wear silver. I mean as brides we defined the color or the style of the gown so I don’t think it’s any different to ask for silver shoes

I agree with PP, I don’t think it was too much to ask her to wear silver shoes. However, I also don’t think there is a polite way to ask her to tone down her makeup. As others have suggested, if you want to make hair and make up mandatory, then you can dictate how she does her make up. But it would also require you to pay for those services. I guess it depends on how badly you want her to have natural make up on your wedding day. If it is super important to you, you could definitely always go the route of paying to have her make up professionally done. Or, if it is your fiancé‘s closest friend, maybe he could talk to her about toning down the make up on that day.

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She will be standing on his side. He just wants her to wear the same dress and shoes as the bridesmaids. My bridesmaids were allowed to pick their dress style so I let her pick as well. I also asked my bridesmaids to pick any shoe type as long as it was silver so the same rule applies to her. He wasn't sure what I said for the bridesmaids to wear shoe wise and she called him at work so he couldn't really talk so he quickly just told her to call me since I'm out of work due to Covid.

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Even if we wanted to pay for it, she would refuse. She flat out told me the other bride was going to pay for her to have her hair and makeup done and she said no thanks and went to her own hairstylist and did her own makeup. I honestly have no issues with any of them doing their own, but when she has so much makeup caked on her face that it's literally covering her nose piercing I think that's way too much makeup and definitely a problem. He's already discussed her attitude with her once because she was nasty when she went with my bridesmaids and I to David's Bridal.

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Ahhhh okay so here is how evil I am. As others have said do not dictate her make up but shoes you can. She does not have to appear with you or your bridesmaids when you take those pics. She can always stand on his side and maybe nicely let him know that for photo opps when it comes to pre wedding pics with you and your bridal party you prefer she not be included. He does not have to say anything to her. She is technically a groomsmen and she can be in full wedding party pics but I feel if you two do not get along why have pics of her with you and your girls. I feel you should have some say and not feel uncomfortable fully accommodating him. Let it go about the make up and if she looks odd then people will judge her but doubt anyone will pay attn. The focus is on you two that day.

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I don't really plan on having her in photos with me. She will be in photos with my husband and his groomsmen and full group photos, but definitely none of her with just me and my bridesmaids. She was a royal witch when she went with my girls and I to David's Bridal. He had to tell her to either lose her attitude or she'd be out of the wedding party. The next topic of debate is going to be where she gets ready because I don't really want her changing with my fiance and if she decides she wants her hair done by my stylist then I guess she'd have to get ready with us.

View Quoted Comment If she’s going to refuse to have her make up done professionally, even if you pay for it, then I think your only potential course of action is to have your fiancé talk to her. Either that, or you are just going to have to make peace with the makeup

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Honestly, I will probably just ignore her most of the day otherwise we might get into an argument which wouldn't be good. He's also had to tell her how this day is about what I want so she needs to keep her mouth shut.

View Quoted Comment Ugh. She sounds lovely 🙄

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Okay. Without causing issues (let's be real, I am sure she is not a fan of yours either) but I think you should calmly talk to your FH and tell him how she has been. You were nice enough to even include her in shopping at DB but the reality is that you two do not get along. He may not get it but tell him how important it is that you have your getting ready time with just your bridal party (maybe the mom's too) and while you respect that she is his friend and you included her as much as possible that she will need to get her hair and make up done on her own and you would like that time for just the bridal party. I would bring that up to him just so he knows in case she asks but other wise say nothing to her prior. She may not expect to but if she asks then he can nicely tell her that you have reserved the getting ready for just your bridal party members, I would not even offer her getting her hair done by your stylist personally, and that he needs her to be there at XYZ time before the ceremony dressed and ready to go. Also, tell him too her getting ready with you guys is definitely out. I do not know most women that would want that unless the women prefers the same sex as the groom...sorry if that is inappropriate as I do not mean for it to be. I mean ask your MOH if she agrees with me but that is my opinion. I would not want anyone I cannot stand there getting ready with me as that is supposed to be a happy and supportive time and honestly best for her because if she acts a hot mess she will look bad in front of everyone and could cause drama if she says something rude in front of your tribe.

I’d tell her that you’re trying to keep them looking as natural as possible. If she’s really bad about dark make up, then this should help deter her. You might even ask your FH to bring it up casually to her so it doesn’t seem like you’re being demanding.

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Oh, my MOH hates her. She was about ready to deck her at DB. My fiance knows everything that happened at DB because she went and complained to him about how difficult I made the entire experience. I literally laughed when he told me because I couldn't believe she was accusing me of being the difficult one. He is also aware that she's a very difficult person which is why most of his friends also don't like her. After the DB experience, he basically told her to lose her attitude or she was out of the wedding because he wouldn't deal with her upsetting me on our wedding day or the days leading up to it.

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So why are they friends? Is she blackmailing him? LOL. I think about the getting ready put your foot down and let him know that your bridal party does not care for her so honestly in her best interest it won't be the most fun, welcoming environment for her either.

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I will definitely talk to him. He's been very supportive of everything I've decided. However, he was against her picking out her own style of dress, but I'm the one that convinced it would be okay because I wanted everyone to be comfortable. Otherwise, she would've been forced to wear whatever I picked out and she would've just complained about that so honestly I think I've been more than generous.

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You are just one of many who don't know why they are friends. I've asked that question numerous times. He knows they care for her so I don't think he will force me or my girls to deal with her.

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Good but I would just discuss it with him anyhow just in case it comes up. Good luck and I hope the overall day goes well.