Attitude

If you want her to wear her makeup a certain way, pay for her to have it done. Otherwise it’s up to her. There’s no nice way to tell her that you don’t like her everyday look.

Don't bring up her makeup. Don't offer to pay for any of her stuff. Don't include her any bridesmaid stuff.


I don't think asking for silver shoes in unreasonable.

View Quoted Comment It sounds like you have been too, that’s why I would put it on him. And make sure its a “we decided” thing, not a “she told me” thing.

I don’t understand why your fiancé would be friends with someone who treats you that way. She sounds ridiculous.
That said, there’s no way to ask her to change her makeup look for your day, especially since you’re not friends. I doubt she’d listen, and it would just cause more issues anyway.

I don't think it's to much to ask for her to wear silver shoes. Telling her to tone down her makeup really isn't going to come out well, no matter how you say it. If I was you I'd maybe talk to your fiance about seeing if your fiance could somehow tell her to tone her makeup down. But it still might not come out great.

From what you've stated, this woman seems to bit quite a bit to handle, but, she is your FH's friend, at least for the time being.

Telling her that the bridesmaids will be wearing silver shoes and that the preference is for her to match is one thing, but the makeup is a no go.

I can sympathise with you wanting her to tone it down but sadly there is absolutely no way you can tell her to change her makeup without coming across the wrong way. That, and she sounds to me like the type who would go even more overboard with her makeup if you told her otherwise. At the end of the day, if she doesn't know how to do her makeup in a way that's complimentary, it's on her, not you.

I don't know that you can dictate makeup or hair without paying for it. However, I've been in weddings where the brides have requested "no dark smokey eye" and "no red lips" and I didn't really care.

If your FH wants her to match the BMs then she should respect your wishes. I don't find anything wrong with asking for silver shoes. You noted that you don't care about the style as long as they are all silver. Well, to me that would allow me to buy a pair of nice silver toned sandals (open toed heels) that I could wear easily with many of my outfits.

I think what you can do is show her a picture of your make up inspo to give her an idea of what you would prefer the women look like. Again, not forcing her to have it professionally done just a way to share what you are looking for.

Unless you’re forcing all of your bridesmaids to wear $200 shoes I don’t think it’s that demanding. As for make up, if you ask for her suggestions/help picking looks for the bridesmaids and word it like you are relying on her expertise she might be more willing to match the the other bridesmaids.

I was reading all the comments and was a little confused. If no one likes her why does she have to be in the wedding. I’m sorry, my wedding and you’re not going to be in it. I wouldn’t worry about her and tell your FH I don’t like her as long as everyone else so she needs to go.

View Quoted Comment I disagree " "it's my wedding and you’re not going to be in it." NOPE! it's THEIR WEDDING, NOT HER, i'm sorry . She is in it because the GROOM asked her , not because SHE WANTED. Get it?
The fact she doesn't Ask her groom to kick her out is another proof she considers it's not HER wedding.
I will never understand why so Many brides think it's the bride's wedding and think( for instance) they should only plan it with mommy and exclude their fiancé.The groom is the only one who has a say on whether or not she's going to be a grommswoman. Nobody else should have a say, not even the bride (unless he ask her).You would only be right if he asked her to be a bridesmaid in the name of tradition. HE has to deal with her since she is HIS FRIEND and supposés to stand by HIS side.

View Quoted Comment Sounds like your significant controls everything. Coming from a bride & groom who’s paying for everything by themselves I would definitely choose what’s going to be in and what’s not. Same goes to the groomsman, if there was a problem with one of them I would definitely say nope lol

View Quoted Comment So you think he is controlling since he wants to be involved in the planning? Most groom don't care at all but ... it doesn't mean that those who do are controlling. Ok: it's not that common but at least, he makes me feel I'm special ! 😃 So if the groom is controlling when thé bride doesn't Get her way? It's sounds like YOU want to be the controlling person in YOUR relationship.
Anyway: Most brides (not all but most of them) are controlling when it comes to plan the big day. Have you ever heard of "groomzillas " stories ?. But when it comes to bridezillas ... LOL !
Once again: the groom alone picks his guys (and girls), the same goes for the bride. Unless there is a serious reason for one of them to object. How would you feel if your groom dictated you who to pick,who not to pick? What don't you understand that? Once again this girls is by HIS side and she is HIS best friend . Once again: IT'S THEIR WEDDING unless Jenna is marrying herself !! And once again: the groom is the only one who can kick her out! I agree that he should have done it to show her they are an united front and to prove her she is his # 1 priority at all times.
BUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTT: he didn't do it so far ... I assume he has a reason , I'm not in his shoes. And last but not least: she said she didn't want her but didn't ask to kick her out. It also means she loves him enough since she doesn't even say it ... and she knows it's also his wedding.

View Quoted Comment You’re definitely taking things out of context, but when the women is currently harassing and not getting along with anybody it’s time to let go. And I’m glad he helps you plan as every other groom does help. I haven’t met one who doesn’t.

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She's in the wedding because she's my fiance's best friend. This isn't just mine wedding so I don't feel right telling him who he can or can't ask.

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While I don't like her, I feel it is his decision if he wants her in the wedding because she is on his side. I think it would be one thing if he told me she had to be a bridesmaid. If that were the case then I would say no way, but since she is a groomswoman then it's totally fine with me that he wants her in the wedding. I have put my feelings aside about her in order to make this work. He knows she was extremely disrespectful to me and my girls, but the only reason he knows that is because she went to him first and complained about me. Had she not done so I would've been the bigger person and kept my mouth shut.

View Quoted Comment You behave perfectly since you don't dictate him what to do about his best friend and because you know she is important to him . However: it doesn't mean she has the right to be disrespectful to you and your girls.
It sounds like he has to be firm, not kicking her out is fine but respect your wish shouldn't be a big deal (the silver shoes and to tone done her make up) since these are not big requests. Most brides and grooms litteraly dictate their girls how to look, including about hair,accessoires and lips.
You can also Ask your fiance to sit her down and explain it's for a couple of hours, not for the rest of her life, she will survive after your wedding. I mean she is not a teen anymore.

View Quoted Comment ". I haven’t met one who doesn’t." Doesn't mean they don't exist. My own bro didn't care at all ( his only requests were about selecting his 'men' and 'girls' for the BP.) Other than that, he only said to her " do whatever you want , just tell me where and when to show up)"