Average Budget/guest List

Usually the best and most diplomatic way to handle family invitations is to invite in circles (ie, invite all members of a particular group). So you could invite all aunts and uncles, and leave out cousins. Or you could invite all first cousins, and no second cousins. You could also choose to have an adult only event, which would eliminate everyone under 18 (or 21).

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Problem for me is that my closest cousin has a kid, and I would most definitely feel really bad if I could not include her although the wedding would be mostly 18+, we would really only have two kids there and it is just also hard because I see my mother's side of the family than my father's.

I agree with PP. To avoid hurt feelings I'm afraid you're better off inviting all kids of cousins/ closely related children or none. I don't agree with those who might say putting her in the wedding party in and of itself is an exception.

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In actuality, we would only have two younger children attending. My cousin's daughter will be 3 and I think his cousin will be around 12, can't 100% remember, but I simply have no choice but to have no other children. I am aware it will probably hurt some peoples' feelings, but I do agree that the less mouths to feed, the better. I know that my father would not care, but I am conscious of a financial friendly budget overall.

There's really 3 ways to do this:

The "nicest" is to cut off at distinct circles. So only immediate family, or only through first cousins, etc.

The middle way would be only people who you have seen/talked to one-on-one/hung out with in the past year/whatever timeline you want to put on it. So if you see your great aunt sally a few times a year, but only see uncle Jim at family events, then Sally gets invited and Jim doesn't.

The last way is the "we are doing what we want" way, of realizing in any scenario someone will be annoyed/upset, no matter what. And just genuinely decide who you actually want there. Sometimes this is a great place to start, and then you can add in a few other people to get more towards one of the other two options so it feels "nicer"

View Quoted Comment So none of your friends have children? If there are more, I would not make exceptions. No need to feel badly as you don't even know if your cousins prefer their children to stay home. It's an invitation, not a summons. They can decline in total or part. Parents can find child care and have options, as do hosts.

Be honest and straightforward with them. Just get ready for people to be upset if you let some people bring their children and then you tell others no children. They are going to wonder why they couldn't but others could. If you want more people then you and your fiance should foot the bill for the extra guests.

View Quoted Comment Are the kids going to be involved in the ceremony? Maybe have your cousin's daughter be the flower girl and have his cousin do a reading? That way it's not "too weird" to others if no other kids attend, plus it would be a nice way to get them involved

View Quoted Comment My cousin’s daughter is going to be three and his cousin i think is 5

I would also warn you that vendors often raise their prices at least once a year, and the increases have been accelerating since covid. So be ready to re-visit your guest list when you actually get closer to needing to line up a venue. For a 2026 wedding, you’ll probably be looking in 2025 or late 2024. Whatever numbers you’re seeing now will probably not be accurate then. Our officiant DOUBLED her rates in the one month between us first hearing about her and officially reaching out.