Avoiding the Apron Dance

I have never heard of this but it's tacky as hell! I think you're compromise sounds very fair!

I would just put your foot down about it. If the DJ made an announcement saying you "don't want cash" I don't think that would do anything. Honestly when I go to a party or something and someone says "don't bring gifts" most people end up bringing them anyway and then it just makes the people who didn't feel like crap. I feel like this would be a similar situation, people would do it anyway (I would assume his parents would start it lol).

I have never heard of an apron dance. I would recommend skipping it.

I think it's the same as the money dance.

My husbands family tried and tried pushing the dollar dance on us, too, because its tradition in their culture. We both said no, repeatedly. When anyone mentioned it again, and told us we would get a lot of money, "You could get $2000 like M did!", we would change the subject, or leave the room.

No is a complete sentence. If you dobt want to do it, then don't and make sure you inform your DJ so noone tries to have him announce it at the reception. (Happened to us with the shoe game!) But dont give a reason why you wont/don't want to do it because they'll just give you reasons to do it. Say no and change the subject or leave the room.

That is a really tough one, to be honest. I understand that you don't want it (I wouldn't either), but if it is a tradition in their family/culture and you don't do it, they may feel as if you are "poo pooing" their culture, and that is not a good way to start a marriage IMO. I honestly think I would just do it, but before hand if you wanted to, you could tell people on your side that they do not have to participate. I also think if you do it, you can put something on your website regarding the tradition so at least people can understand why you are doing it.

Also, as guest I would not find it tacky or rude if I knew that was a tradition (I am assuming they are Polish but I could be wrong).

Good luck with your decision.

I'm having the same issue with FH, our families and the dollar dance. We will be the first ones to break the dollar dance tradition in our families. It's so hard to say that you don't want something that so many others before you have done without offending them. I never realized it was considered tacky until WW and my family is generally very aware of how things can come across. I would try to make a compromise and just don't accept money. This could help the situation. If people still give you the money, they probably would've given it at some point that night anyway. At the weddings here, people almost always bring cash because of how common the dollar dance is.

If you and FH don't want to do it, don't. I find these types of things boring and they really kill the party mood that you've spent money on (the DJ) to get going. Sitting around watching person after person dancing with the B&G is mind numbing. Plus, you're guests have already spent money on, perhaps, travel, hotels, clothing and a gift. Do you really want them digging out another $10 or $20 or more?

No one can "make " you do anything. Even long standing traditions have changed over time.

My FH and I are actually both Polish which I think is making the problem worse. They say "its a Polish tradition" and I who am more Polish than he is am telling them that its not.

My off the boat Polish grandmother said that the tradition started back when people would give the bride and groom a family photo as a wedding gift. She said that the money they would make from the apron dance helped start their life since they were not given big wedding gifts. Times have changed though and we have had quite a few generous gifts sent to us so far. She said that a few of her nieces and nephews did this dance and she wasn't crazy about it.


Great suggestion to talk to the dj about not letting the request happen. This situation is causing way more stress than you would every believe. What should we do with the apron that we now have? Put it on display? I feel bad not using it since she was so excited that she found it.

View Quoted Comment Maybe take some pictures in the apron? Or even do a traditional dance (if you're planning one) in it? That way you're still honoring the gift, but not doing something neither of you want.

What if you provide monopoly money or gold coin chocolates something like that for the apron dance? I'm all for tradition and keeping the peace and if you give people fake money with a note attached them that it is for the apron dance it can avoid the actual (I'm with you in this) but appease the family

It's your wedding. If both you and your FH don't want to do it than don't do it. It's that simple.

View Quoted Comment

This sounds like an interesting spin on this. I also think taking pictures in it would be ok too. I completely agree with you that the concept is a bit reaching into the excessive category.

View Quoted Comment

The only thing I would worry about with Cuoghi's example is the gold coins melting. I think the monopoly money would be a good compromise.

Taking pictures in the apron does sound like a better compromise. I'm not sure that I would want to wear it during any other traditional dances just because its old and you can tell

I always give people the advice to just say no... which is great advice but now I'm realizing just how hard it is to do that sometimes.

Random, but an idea: some people have a date night idea jar. In lieu of money, you could have cards or Monopoly money and ask them to write a date idea on the card or play money and pin it on instead! Just a thought

I went to a wedding 2 years ago and the wedding dance was great! My only regret was that I was ignorant of the custom and thus was unprepared for it. There was no pressure to give money of course, and it seemed like only the relatives knew about it.

Anyway, as a guest I didn't think it was "double-dipping" at all, but you should do what you're comfortable with.

View Quoted Comment

That is a cute idea. It sounds like a nice compromise.