Baby pressure from the moment you got married?!

Yes

i get it all the time now too. i think people have an assumption that you want to start a family relatively soon after marrying - for a lot of people that's true but for people like me... no, it's not haha.

i been married 2.5 years now and i wanna still wait a few more years at least. i think it's a bit harder for older people to grasp too because my parents for instance don't understand why i'd want to wait so long?

Yup, daily. Unless age or fertility is an issue I’d enjoy my freedom while I have it.


We already have a child but we keep getting asked about siblings.

There must be something in the water, because you are the third bride today I’ve seen complaining about this same issue! It’s crazy how people immediately get on the baby wagon the moment you say I do!
Luckily, we have not gotten any questions or pressure when it comes to starting a family. Both of us have been VERY clear with our families for years that neither of us want children. We both made that clear when we were teenagers (before we had ever even met one another) and have consistently maintained that assertion through the years. So I doubt that subject will ever come up for us with our family or friends. I think there are lots of ways to handle (respectful) people questioning when you will start a family.. if you and your spouse have a timeline in mind, you could share that with them. Or, if you don’t know at this point when or if you will have children (or if you simply don’t think it’s any of their business), you could just laugh and say “looks like we will need to send out an announcement whenever we start trying” (or something cheeky like that). Or you could say “not anytime soon” or “no plans for all that… we went to enjoy being married just the two of us for awhile” and hopefully they get the hint & don’t ask again. Or you could just shut them down completely and say “at this point, we are not planning on having children” (whether you are or not) just to shut them up lol I no people usually have the best of intentions when asking such things, but come on people!… it’s 2021, and not everyone wants to (or can) have children, or wants to have them on some sort of conventional timetable 🤦🏼‍♀️

Our dads were talking about babies (to each other) I front of us during the reception. We’d been married for 4 or so hours, lol.

In our case we already get it, and we're not even married yet!

We had a reunion when things opened back up here a few months ago and I was asked more than SIX TIMES over the course of the day when we would begin to have children. In response I told them that we'd be trying already if not for covid delaying our wedding (that's mostly because planning and organising a wedding is stressful enough without adding a pregnancy into the mix and it would be nice to have more than one glass of champagne on your wedding day, not have to worry about dress alterations, on and on it goes). I also added that at 36 there is the very real possibility we will struggle due to my age. That level of frankness made most of them pretty uncomfortable. I know the question was meant in good spirit as most of them are parents and are keen as beans to have some other parent-friends, but I'm just super thankful we haven't started trying and are having trouble, because being asked so many times would be utterly heart breaking if we were.

People just don't think.

Plus, I've been asked when I plan to try at every single doctor's appointment, (that I'm attending for absolutely any topic) for the last 5 or more years? Including when I was single and had told the doctor that. They were like, so, children? And I had to be like... "yeah... SINGLE, remember? We literally just discussed this." Like what did she want me to do, grab some random man out of the waiting room?!

Oh, and guess how many times my fiance was asked at that reunion, or when he goes to the doctor? Yes, that's right, ZERO times!

We aren’t married yet and are already getting comments. I don’t think it helps that I’m 33, so past the “normal” time to be starting a family - but I wish they would let us get married first.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

People should just keep their opinions to themselves. It's completely inappropriate to assume a couple wants children and to pry about it. Whether or not you have kids, how you bring them into your family, and your timeline for doing so is no one's business but your own.

Obviously you can discuss this with people if you choose, but they shouldn't be prying. And its probably a bit normal for certain people to inquire, but your close friends who are similar age and also married asking if you want kids or have thought about them (because they may be going through the same thing) and then respecting your response is a lot different then people just assuming you want kids, or that you owe them grandchildren, or telling you what you should or shouldn't do, and asking questions that are very personal and private.

Our parents, fortunately, have been super supportive of us. They are so happy we found each other and are married, and they have absolutely not imposed any thoughts about whether or not we have children. I know our parents would be delighted to become grandparents, but they respect that the choice is completely ours and have not pried or pressured us at all. My SIL, on the other hand, flat out told us she didn't think we should have kids because our house was too small and a baby would take up too much of our time, but she's something else.

We also have friends at similar points (engaged or married and close in age to us) who are at various stages of expanding their families and have naturally had conversations with them about if we want kids, are trying, etc. Having those conversations with people we are close to and who are at a similar point in their lives feels more comfortable and natural, and anyone who has inquired about our intentions has done so really respectfully - broaching the topic and then letting us take the lead without forcing their opinions on us. It has been helpful to talk about it with people going through a similar experience, and there is a lot of empowerment in not having to deal with fertility issues, miscarriage, etc completely alone. However everyone's journey is so so different. I think it's so important to be sensitive and not assume what others are going through at all, especially when talking about fertility, miscarriage, abortions, babies, etc. Which is why I find it so appalling and hurtful when people pry and assume.

I've been married for a little over a month and people keep asking me "when are you guys having kids?" and I just keep telling them "if it happens it happens." Which is true because we actually have been sort of trying since earlier this year. But even before we were married people still kept asking us that question lol. I honestly just tuned it out because I knew that when it was our time then it was our time.

FMIL started the second the engagement ring was on my finger and hasn't stopped.

My FSIL recently had a baby, and every time I hold him his mom makes the comment with "you look so good with a baby in your arms" or will make subtle hints she wants us to have baby's immediately. I can't be as stern as I want to as she's "Sensitive" and if I say something a little abruptly she yells that I'm disrespectful. When she makes the "you look good with a baby in your arms" my response is always "yeah, when I can hand him back to his mom when he starts screaming" and when she makes her other subtle little hints (cause i'm not the only one she does this too, literally every female in their 20's regardless of relationship gets a nudge of "get pregnant" from this women) I let her know she needs to not make those comments, because she could say it to someone struggling with infertility, or my FH and I could struggle (we never tried to get pregnant so who knows if we even can) and that those comments can be really damaging so she should stop making them. This is always responded to with "oh I know, I would never be insensitive" but she doesn't grasp by just making these comments IS insensitive.

When my fiancé’s parents put the deposit down on our venue, his mom referred to it as the “baby deposit” and his dad said “you’re going to have our 3rd grandchild.” I find it amusing. Lol Of course they know this is a decision between me and their son, but I think parents like to drop hints. They’re just excited. But it’s ultimately a decision between you and your husband. My fiancé and I have discussed what works for us and we’re on the same page. So as long as you have that line of communication with your husband, try not to let the not so subtle hint dropping bother you.

Hi ! We actually did not have any pressure or questions... I think people just assumed that it's something delicate... We were 35 when we got married, without children so far, so I know that some of the people assumed that we had never wanted children. And that's not true. We met in our thirties, we wanted to have a stable relationship and get married before thinking about children. Now it's been 2 years since our wedding and I think people just assume that we will never be parents ;-) - and I honestly hope that's not true because we'd love to. However, I know that's not something easily done for some couples, including a lot of our friends. That's why I would never ever ask any questions to other couples as I know how hard it can be... to those who have probles, those who are trying, those who lost their babies... Take care !

My mother in law is a Narcissit and is angry that we have not had a child yet and has resulted to gossping about me and making up lies about me saying the reason why we do not have a kid yet is because I do not want to gain weight and that I am too into myself which is not true. It's disgusting and hurtful that she would say such things.

I politely say " well your going to keep on waiting" or "were good with our dog baby"

Wow that's just wildly inappropriate. I think people get very intrusive around pregnancy and kids. It's so thoughtless.