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Beginner February 2022

Baby Talk?!

Chelsee, on August 19, 2021 at 12:36 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 1 24
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My FH & I get married early next year! We’ve discussed our 3 year plan and the future we hope to have together. We both want to someday have children and purchase our first home but not sure the best way to go about it.


Backstory: I’ll turn 27 the day before our wedding and he’ll be 27 the week after. I’m a FT entrepreneur and he’s working towards moving into a store manager position at his job. We live in a 3b/2bath townhome we rent currently and plan to purchase our first home in the next year and a half. I also plan to open my own store front Spring of next year! Although we are young we’re some old souls lol I grew up around my old school parents and my grandma. We like to go on dinner dates, listen to music on our porch, and take rides on country roads for fun or just watch movies at home— we’re home bodies lol
So of course we discuss children and wanting them but I’m kind of torn between when to actually start. We have his family in our ear about wanting grandchildren (who live 5 hours away) and my parents tip toeing around the subject although I know that’s their ultimate dream lol I know it’s whenever we’re ready but I know me and I don’t want to look up be 35 or 40 finally wanting a family because I selfishly put my career first. My parents are 56 and his parents aren’t even 50 yet so I do understand the urge for my parents wanting to put grandchildren on my mind because they want us to enjoy ourselves but also remember they’re older too in the next few years as well. Our siblings are also 4 years younger than us so it’s a little bit of pressure on us but I’m sure it’ll be even more after the wedding. My mom has an in-home daycare and my dad will be retiring next year, oh and we stay 3 blocks away from them. We will have plenty of help but I just feel a little torn. I lost my grandma 2.5 years ago and we were SUPER close. So I always think of the 24 years I got to spend with her and I want my children to have that same experience because we’re such a close knit family! I’m so grateful for my parents and how welcoming and caring they are and how much they love children, I mean they’re truly amazing! Any suggestions on maybe “the right time” to start a family or suggestions of when to maybe think of having your first child, 2nd child, etc. if you had to do it all again?

I would love your opinions, being that you all are unbiased and maybe dealing with similar things!

24 Comments

Latest activity by Chelsee, on September 2, 2021 at 9:58 PM
  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    My husband and I got pregnant before we actually were married. Our son is now 3 and we plan on getting pregnant again after our reception in October. We initially decided that we wanted them 2 years apart but he proposed, we planned our wedding and ended up having to postpone the reception due to COVID. I definitely didn't want to be pregnant for the wedding & reception so we pushed our timeline back. But I do plan on getting pregnant after our reception so our kids will be 4 years apart.

    It's great that you have help. My mom watches our son and it helps sooo much because I know he's being taken care of and I never really have to miss work unless it's something serious and I just want to be there. But literally whenever we need a babysitter, she is ALWAYS right there along with my sister, dad, & stepmom. & I LOVEEEEEE the bond that he has with all of them!

    If you feel comfortable, try a few months after getting married! Only you and your fiancé can decide the timing!

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  • C
    Beginner February 2022
    Chelsee ·
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    See that’s a beautiful story! I felt that things fell in line exactly when they were supposed to! And it’s such a blessing to have such a great family that lives so close!! Our initial plan was to start trying after we got married just so we could have room to space them out because we would like at least 2. My mom’s advice was to always wait when you’re ready but I could help it to maybe not wait as long as she did to have her first baby (me) at 30 because then she’ll be 60 not wanting to be pressuring us about grandchildren because we’re still technically so young lol


    Thank you so much for your advice!! Good luck on your next blessing!🥰
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  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    Thank you so much Smiley heart & yes we did things out of the "traditional" order but what works for one relationship might not work for the next! We knew that we wanted to purchase our home before trying again, and we purchased our home this year so it actually worked out perfectly. Goodluck with whatever you decide Smiley heart

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  • Jessi
    Super October 2022
    Jessi ·
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    Okay, I'm not yet married and don't have kids yet, but I can at least offer up what we've been dealing with and maybe it'll help you out. I'll be 27 like 2 weeks after our wedding and FH will be 7 months into 30. He had our house built while we were first dating and I moved in with him from there. Part of our current plan is that to help us save for the wedding and get finances in order before having kids, he is currently working at a job that's about an hour away but it pays more than his last one and offers crazy overtime. When we begin seriously trying to have a baby he'll begin looking for another job closer to home so he'll be able to be around more often.

    FH is the youngest child of two people who were the youngest children in their own families, so there's a large gap between him and his cousins. His sister is closest to his age and her youngest is 2. His mom is pushing 60 and his dad is a few years younger. For me, I will most likely be the second grandchild to have kids and am the first to get married. My parents are in their early 50s. We've worked out that by age, my family is about a generation behind his, so like his grandparents were/are similar in age to my great-grandparents. So, we have very different families who have very different perspectives on kids. FH was super worried at first that he was waiting too long and that being 31 or 32 by the time we have one is too old. His family has been pressuring him for years to marry me, but we weren't ready. And honestly I don't believe we'll be ready to seriously consider kids immediately after getting married. We're currently at the understanding that we'll wait about a year after and consider our options then.

    Make sure you go on your own timeline, not one to appease family. For me, the "perfect time" (because I feel like it's kind of rare for people to feel like they're in the 100% perfect place for kids) is when you both feel secure in where you're currently at in life. So maybe for you guys that time may be once things settle down after buying a house and your storefront is open. Maybe it's two years after that. Both are great! You are not selfish for working toward your career goals and not focusing on a family right now!! Both are meaningful in their own ways, and it's great that you have a job that you're so passionate about. I think the best thing to do is possibly set a goal for when you believe may be a good time, but allow that goal to be flexible. Keep communication open and talk about it. Okay, I've rambled enough, but good luck to you and I'm sure whenever you guys choose it'll be the "right time".

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  • AJ
    Super October 2022
    AJ ·
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    My FH's family has been on about us having kids for like 5 years now (everytime I don't drink at a family event they go "are you pregnant?!" no I just don't like drinking) we have been together 7 years. He will be 32 at the time of our wedding and I will be 29 turning 30 a few days after we are married. It was important to us that we have a house (I purchased a condo a few years ago) and for him to finish school before we even thought about having kids. And I want to be married a little while before we have kids. His mom really wants more grandkids (she already has 6) but its not something that we are sure we actually want. We talk about it and if it happens it happens and if it doesn't then thats okay too. Its important you work on your own timeline.

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  • C
    Beginner February 2022
    Chelsee ·
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    My mom had me 3 months before her 30th birthday! Her and my dad been together for 40 years or so but they’ve been married almost 28. She felt that they finally got to the time of life where they did all the things they wanted before having my sister and I (who is 22) but the only downfall is that we’re still young and they’re getting closer to 60 and of course neither of us have children. The funny part is my FH and I are the same age, his brother is 4 years younger than him also and his youngest brother is 5 years. So our parents are empty nesters BUT my parents are just much older than his. We’ve come up with our own plans and do want to have children someday but I don’t want to be so tangled up with career and making ever aspect “perfect” in a sense that we miss out on having our children meet their grandchildren. Then my FH is also concerned that I’ve been on BC for 11 years and thinks my body may need a break from it because my hormones have been out of wack this last year, idk so many scenarios lol But now we’re at the “if it happens, it happens” stage
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  • C
    Beginner February 2022
    Chelsee ·
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    Sounds to me that basically we’re around the same age but my parents are closer to the age of your FH lol so fully! Which also brings me to my somewhat of a dilemma because my family is who would be most helpful because my mom has a daycare and my dad is retiring and my FH’s parents live 5 hours away. I feel one day the time would be right but every year our timeline changes (as in gets pushed back). Granted I’ve been in my career 6 years but this will be a big step being in my own space! I really appreciate your advice and good luck to you also!!!!!
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  • Jessi
    Super October 2022
    Jessi ·
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    Yes I think we're in a pretty similar situation! We have it a bit easier than you because my parents are the ones who will be the most help with kids even though they live about 40 minutes away and FH's parents are 10 minutes. His parents already have 3 grandkids that his mom especially can't handle, but she's the one who's been pushing the hardest for us to have kids lol.

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  • C
    Beginner February 2022
    Chelsee ·
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    Being that my In laws youngest 2 children are in college in the same town (my hometown) that we live in as well as my entire family & none of our parents have any grandchildren, I’m sure they’ll use that as a great excuse to come visit more often than none LOL🥴😂
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    When you ready to have children really varies person to person. I had wanted to wait a year before we tried to get pregnant following getting married. However my husband wanted to try immediately. I hadn't wanted to even try until we were married whereas my husband wanted to have a baby almost the entire time we were dating. I kept putting it off until we got married. Afterwards I agreed to we would try even though I wasn't 100% ready because I knew it was important to him and that I didn't want to push back having children because my mom had cancer that made her have a hysterectomy at only 34 so I didn't want to wait too long since cancer can be genetic. We got married when I was 25 and my husband was 28. Five days after our one year anniversary is when we conceived our daughter. We tried for a year and during that time I learned I had PCOS which makes it more difficult to get pregnant as a result I had to be on two different types of medications. One was to help me get my period because t was irregular after coming off birth controla nd then once that was regular I was then on medication to help me ovulate more which increased my chances of getting pregnant. My husband and I had not thought this was going to happen but obviously unexpected things can happen so I'm glad I didn't try to delay trying to conceive. I had our daughter in April of this year and I'm now currently 27 years old. We plan on having at least two more and would prefer to have them close in age. While this is my experience, obviously not everyone will have trouble conceiving. I know one couple who has been trying for 5 years and have been unsuccessful so far, I know another couple who tried for 10 years and finally just had their first child, and I know another couple who were drunk and ended up pregnant on accident so for some it can be super easy and others it can be very difficult. So while I think having a plan is good I would keep in mind that it might not go exactly as you think/want.
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  • Rebelle Fleur
    Master July 2021
    Rebelle Fleur ·
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    We have a two year old and our parents are in their 60s. Seeing my sons relationship with them and having them around to help raise him has been the best experience. My grandma died in her 80s when I was 13 and I was devastated. I’m so sad she’ll never get the chance to meet my babies but I’m so happy my parents did. My son calls my dad his best friend and their relationship is amazing.


    We started trying the week before the wedding and are praying to get pregnant soon so he can have a little partner in crime.
    The older you are the harder it is to get pregnant and the harder it is on your body. I got pregnant at 31 and it was very very hard on my body. My cousin was pregnant with me at the same time and she was pregnant in her mid 20s and she said it was much easier when she younger.
    I think you should start trying as soon as you guys feel comfortable because it is a life changing experience and you have to be on the same page but NO ONE, ABSOLUTELY NO ONE is properly prepared to parent, we all just wing it until we find our rhythm.
    Your relationship will change. It will grow stronger and weaker in different areas and you’ll have to put in the work to make time for you and your FH because it’s so easy to just think of yourself as a Mom, as children take up a great amount of your time.
    Also, with all the crazies in the world we were lucky in that only ourselves and our parents looked after him. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
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  • C
    Beginner February 2022
    Chelsee ·
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    Thank you for your advice! I thought of it in that scenario of the what if we can’t get pregnant for years to come. My family seems to not have any trouble getting pregnant to me but I do have 2 aunts that are really close to me ( my moms sister and my grandma’s sister) who had several miscarriages and just didn’t have kids at all so one did opt to adopt! Thank you for sharing!!
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    You're welcome 🙂 The couple that tried for teb years had at least half a dozen miscarriages and were just starting the process of adoption when she got pregnant again and this time she was able to carry the baby to full term. The baby turned 1 last month. I will say adoption isn't cheap and can take a while though. My great-aunt adopted her daughter I believe from another country as she is a different race because she couldn't conceive. I also saw that you mentioned you have been on birth control for a while and your hormones have been out of wack I would recommend talking to your gynecologist about this to see what is going on.
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  • Candace
    Super March 2022
    Candace ·
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    Have kids when you're young. I'm not saying rush into it, but don't put it off if you know you want them. The longer you wait, the older you'll be when they need you to be active, and actually care about them lol! Just kidding! I say this as a forty-something year old empty-nester. My friends who are my age who have little kids are so jealous LOL. Trust me. You won't want your schedule to revolve around your kids at 50.
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  • C
    Beginner February 2022
    Chelsee ·
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    That sounds very familiar to me! My parents will definitely be in their 60s when you “planned” to start a family if we hadn’t had children before then. My grandma passed at 74 (from a massive heart attack) her health was she was actually superb but I truly believe it was stress because of the sweet person she was the smallest things would bother her. I know there’s no right or wrong way or no moment when you’ll have it all together but I always always think of my parents and my grandma was so happy they were pregnant with me because she saw how much my dad adored helping young children. So in the back of my mind I just want them to be around as long as they can to see my kids grow up because I never excepted my grandma to leave so soon. Granted she was in her 70’s and she didn’t even take meds but I guess you just never know and the inevitable will happen but that’s also a trauma I carry now in a sense.
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  • C
    Beginner February 2022
    Chelsee ·
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    That’s wonderful! Adoption is great and definitely expensive and a very lengthy process! My parents were actually going to try adopting at one point until my mom opened her daycare. They are literally angels who are always wanting to help. My aunt adopted my cousin when I was 3 and we’re the best of buds! I will definitely talk to my OBGYN about it because I think it’s time for a slight break being that I too have very very irregular menstrals (I’ve gone a year without one before) and I can feel myself very moody at times and I feel as if I don’t know my body at times but then again I’ve been on it so long I don’t even know how my body reacts without it at all. Thank you again!!!
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  • C
    Beginner February 2022
    Chelsee ·
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    Thank you so much for that!! And truthfully I think that’s the advice my mom is trying to give me without trying to pressure me into something or being biased. She just knows from her experience that she had my sister and I at 29 and 33 and she wanted a 3rd but she knew it would be too much on her body because it was a little rough for her with my sister. Now she’s mid 50’s with two young girls who aren’t at the exact stage in life for kiddos and then boom when she’s (old) as she says lol she won’t be active to care for toddlers lol


    I really appreciate your advice!!
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    I think you’re very lucky to have time on your side. As someone close to 50 (no kids), I would suggest enjoying your new married life and careers for a few years first. I’d say wait at least 2 maybe 3 years and then check in with each other.
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  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
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    I'm 38 and 8 months pregnant with our rainbow baby. (DH is also younger than me.)

    Please, do not rush yourself into having kids because your parents want grandkids.

    Do not rush yourself into having kids because you are worried about fertility. ( It's a myth.)

    Do not rush yourself into having kids if you are happy and fulfilled focusing on your career.

    Have kids on YOUR OWN timeline.

    (Being pregnant is not all it's cracked up to be, I'll tell you that for free.)

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  • K
    Expert September 2021
    Ka-Rina ·
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    There is never a right time for u or for anyone else… kids will transform your life in some ways for better in some ways for worse. My husband of 6 years and I when we started dating, both with health issues, we were told we shall never have children… and to give an idea I have my period twice a year and always have, he did fertility treatments w his ex wife for 2+ years w no luck and was told he was the reason it didn’t work. Well… 7 months into dating we were pregnant… was it a good time? No. Did we make it work. Hell yes, would I change it? Honestly feel cheated out of all the experiences we could have had if we didn’t have a child then but also am so in love w our first born I can’t put it into words. My point being if u feel ready go for it, if u want to have a child now, go for it. Pressure from others should not make any impact on ur decision to start a family
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