Bachelor / bachelorette parties...what's crossing the line?

Hi!
This is very sweet and endearing that you feel this way. I’d have a talk with her and maybe ask her to talk to her friends. However...you should trust her and I’m sure she wouldn’t do anything to make you uncomfortable. I would definitely just sit her down and let her know. If my fiancé did that I would appreciate it and respect his concerns and at the most make a compromise we’re both comfortable and happy with.

I went to a bachelorette party and we went to a male strip club and it was a snooze fest for me...I stayed at the bar lol!

good luck!

You are not being too conservative. We hear the same thing here all the time, but typically with the roles reversed. Your FW should respect your feelings and make it clear that those boundaries are not to be crossed.

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I agree with this. I think she needs to respect your reasonable boundaries

Most of those male striper shows have no touching rules, and are mostly a lot of theatrics as opposed to anything truly inappropriate. Despite this, I don’t think you’re wrong in telling her how you feel, but I also don’t think you can tell her what to do or not do. Her friends can be as wild as crazy as they want, but that doesn’t mean she will do anything to betray your trust. I could be way off on this, but since the two of you love each other and are getting married, she can’t completely disagree with how you feel and wouldn’t disregard your opinions. You don’t have a lasting, loving relationship with someone who has such a vast difference of opinions on such things. My advice would be to trust her as the woman you know and love. If it’s her friends who make you wary and not any behaviors she’s shown in the past, just let her have her fun. The fact that she’s even mentioned it to you I would think means that she only sees it as fun and not anything you should be concerned about.

I don't think it's wrong of you to express your discomfort but at the same time I also don't think it's something you should make as an ultimatum either.

It makes sense that her wanted to go to a male strip club would make you uncomfortable, it makes me uncomfortable knowing anyone in the world does that, I think it’s deeply immoral. It would hurt me so much if my fiancé suggested that, so much so that I would reconsider being with him. It’s something I’ve always been against, it’s how I was raised and I’ve never a day in my life thought it was okay to look at another man/woman with lustful intent.
My fiancé and I are not doing anything like that, no bachelorette or bachelor parties for us. We are saving the celebration for just the two of us on our honeymoon. I think it’s very sweet and not weird at all that you feel that way. & I think any woman is very lucky to have a man that thinks that way it seems so rare these days. My own mother tries to get me to “live a little” sometimes and I have to completely shut her down, strictly. Otherwise she just keeps joking and suggesting things she knows I find absolutely repulsing. I could never in a million years imagine looking at another man like that, I honestly have no idea why people celebrate love by being so lustful? Just my opinion. So to make things easier, we aren’t doing anything and I don’t even have any friends anymore, they were too wild and I have her to find a friend that respects my morals and my commitment to my relationship, and that’s the same for my fiancée. We are each other’s best friend.

You definitely need to express your concern to her about this, it’s not good for your relationship if she does something knowing you’re not okay with it. Honesty is the best policy. I truly hope y’all can resolve this, and that hopefully, she is wild about you and no other man! Sometimes it takes time to tame someone you love, trust me I know I had to tame my fiancé and it took nearly 3 years for him to calm down. Now all he talks about is babies and our future.
Best of luck to you, and congratulations!

Both my husband and I are against strip clubs and shows, we feel like its crossing the line. His bachelor party was at Top Golf and then the guys had a BBQ at our place. It was a super fun drunken day with no naked women. For my bachelorette we spend a weekend in Ocean City Maryland and enjoyed the beach, a few restaurants and bars. No strip clubs or strip shows. So it's absolutely not necessary. Our friends understood how we felt. So I say keep your foot down with this! There is NO reason your fiance should have a bachelorette that makes you uncomfortable.

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Wow, Aleah. Your post blew me away. I really appreciate your very thoughtful advice and admire that you hold strong to your values and don't change for anyone. Very hard to find someone who holds those views in our society today. So many people tell me to loosen up as well, but my morals are my foundation, so that's not happening. Do you feel that your fiance changed for you? I'm curious as to how you managed to tame him after a few years. Was it difficult? Did he change on his own or did you pressure him to? Thanks again.

View Quoted Comment It is hard having the views I do in this society, I rarely have anyone agree with me nor understand me and it can honestly be depressing at times, all I want to do is help people and show them what’s morally right but, many people see me as an alien. I’ve felt like an outcast my whole life, and I did try really hard when I was younger to be like everyone else but the guilt was overwhelming and I found myself disgusted with my own actions and it just honestly did nothing for me. My fiancée was definitely hard to change, it wasn’t all me. He was unfaithful in the beginning, and would lie a lot and call me controlling for telling him not to do what he was doing, so after a while I moved in with him to fully commit to helping him because I truly loved him and wanted to make it work despite how much it hurt me. My plan wasn’t perfect whatsoever, I didn’t know if it would help, I always write him letters and notes and make him things, so I used that to get through with him, I wrote him a letter every morning about how much I love him, what he means to me, how I feel, why I want us to work and how good I know he is deep down. After many months of that and tons of used notebooks I noticed little things change in him, and he told me one night that he wants to be a better man for me, that no one has ever loved him like this and he didn’t know it was possible, he actually cried a lot and asked me to forgive him. I’d never seen him like that, he’s not a talker and he doesn’t normally cry about anything. It touched me, so I kept at it and we eventually moved to my hometown together away from the beach and the bad atmosphere. And then he proposed to me shortly after and now he’s all the time talking about having a baby and it’s amazing how much he’s changed, I’m beyond proud of him. I do worry occasionally but I am beginning to trust him fully again, it will take a while, because my heart was broken but love conquers all and I believe he is a good man, I’ve seen it, he’s had a hard life and didn’t have the best role model growing up, everything added up and I knew he needed someone to believe in him and help him. I think people can change, no matter what. But I also know they have to want it.

It honestly broke my heart heart when I read your post because I know how that feels, when you love someone but they don’t view things the same it’s a little nerve racking but, there’s hope! Love conquers all, always.