Bachelor Parties and breakups, and all the in-betweens

And all the while FS and I are sitting there in the middle of this firestorm brewing in our living room. And she proceeds to tell her FS that a guy should be respectful of his spouses wishes if she's uncomfortable then he shouldn't go, and he says what am I going to do? Tell Matt how to have his bachelor party? And she says that's fine if you go then you'll be single when you get home. TIERRA, how do you feel about it? And I'm like well, I'm fine with it really. I don't care, I'd rather have him tell me what he's doing then lie to me and then I find out later. I never want my FS to have to sneak around like a 14 year old kid on the run from his parents. I just want him to have a good time. So she goes off well SOME girls are fine with it but I know I'm not the only one who's not okay with it. TIERRA do you know any other girls who are uncomfortable with it? And I say yes I do but it's Matt's party and he can do what he wants as long as he has a good time ::CONT::

So she get's pissed at me for saying that and tells her fiance to basically pack his sh*t for even considering going to a club and all the while, putting me in the middle of it. She just kept saying I know there's guys out there who would respect my decision and wouldn't go if I asked them not to. In my head I'm thinking IT'S NOT HIS CHOICE, IT'S NOT HIS PARTY. GROW THE EFF UP! It was just really awkward and uncomfortable for myself and FS and it was like dude, don't make me feel bad for trusting my fiance. I would rather know than be lied to that's all. So then we sat in awkward silence for 10 minutes before they left. And then we just looked at eachother and shook our heads. UGH.

Wow, your friend sounds like she's really insecure in her relationship. You should remind her that strippers are PAID for what they do, and they are no threat to her in any way. If anything, she'll get some really hot lovin when he gets back from the party!

My FS just keeps saying, that just goes to show you how selfish she is. She even has to try to make my bachelor party all about her. I agree. I can't believe this just happened though. Makes me appreciate the trust level I have with him. Its funny, she's one of the most self confident, cocky women I know but she's also one of the most jealous. I hope they don't break up over this but I don't know how you can honestly tell someone they can't go to their best friends bach. party when they are the friggin' best man. Who even does that?

Lucky- I know!! Alls I could think was, honey they're doing a JOB! They don't want your man! Get a grip on my life lol... It annoys me so bad when women assume strippers are out to steal their men. Most of the time their men are nothing special, if your man looks like Brad Pitt or Gerald Butler then you may have to worry about someone trying to steal him away. Chances are they don't give two craps about your joe schmo man and his beer gut. Sorry ladies lol

I think this is an issue that is different with every couple and just because she isn't comfortable with her fh getting rubbed on by naked girls doesn't neccessarily mean she is selfish and insecure. I think it is something that they need to decide on together as a couple and ifhe chooses not to go to ur fh stripclub/Bach party ur fh should undrstand. U can't expect other couples to have the same values as you. They shouldn't be fighting in front of u guys though and bringing u into their fight, but I understand that it is a heated topic and whatever ur fh's bm decides to do, ur fh should be able to understand if he chooses to respect his fw wishes that he not go to a stripclub. Doesn't mean he can't still go with his other gm, but you can't expect ur wp to be comfortable with strippers

"Its funny, she's one of the most self confident, cocky women I know but she's also one of the most jealous."

How many women put on the most convincing show of self-confidence specifically because they really have absolutely none? I know she's your friend but...that's just really sad. That kind of behavior makes a woman unattractive to everyone who witnesses it. Add to that the fact that she kept dragging you into it and I have to say...pretty lame friend.

I think that everyone has their own opinion. Just because it's ok with some couples doesn't mean that it has to be ok with everyone. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion of what they think is ok and what may not be, and everyone also has different morals and values. I wouldn't call her jealous or insecure just because she's not ok with her fh being around strippers. I do, however think that it was wrong for her to argue about it in front of you guys. They should have discussed it in private.

The two of them have to decide whether he's going to your FH's bachelor party, and your FH will need to be understanding if Matt decides not to go. However, it was really unfair to put you two into the middle of their discussion. It's one thing for them to say, "These are the rules that the two of us have agreed to," and quite another to suggest that your FH shouldn't be allowed to do things that you and he agree are ok at his bachelor party.

It sounds like the two of them need to sort out where they as a couple stand on the issue of fidelity. Some women view lusting after other women as a form of infidelity, some don't care as long as their FH looks and doesn't touch, some don't care so long as there's no actual sexual contact. Each person has their own level of comfort, and each couple must make compromises accordingly. That's for them to sort out, and then let you know where they stand on the issue -- not DRAG you into it, like you're their relationship mediator. Awkward and wrong, I'm sure you were really uncomfortable. I hope they figure it out and let you know in a mature way where their preferences lie. IF they decide no strippers, the friend can always hang out earlier in the night (gokarting or paintball, or whatever they do besides ogle naked ladies ), and then go home if things are beyond his agreed limits.

I am perfectly comfortable with my FS going because I have been to the gentlemen's clubs. The ones I have been to the lsdies don't go around to every guy rubbing up all over them it is usually the ones who wave the almighty dollar in the air for a "lap dance" they go to. Most guys are there to watch and drink with their buddies not participate.

I don't thin its so much about being insecure. I'm not insecure and I would rather my fiance not go to a strip club either. I mean I'm not going to argue with him about it cause he already knows how I feel but I also know that's just what guys do. Especially for their bacherlor party. Women should just really try hard not to dwell on what these guys are doing for their party cause at the end of the night they are cokming home to marry us and not the stripper.

Okay here's the thing to everyone who says I should respect their decisions as a couple. I get that not everyone is comfortable with their men going to a club, but I don't appreciate being drug into a fight that is none of my business. I don't know if they are going to a strip club, I don't know if they aren't. I'm not going to tell my friend, nah don't worry about it they won't go (which I'm pretty sure they're not going to go but I don't know for a fact) And I'm not naive enough to assume they won't just because they don't tell me about it. I guess I'm more of the "if you go and lie to me about it I'm going to be pi*sed, if you tell me the truth... not so much". It's not like I want him to spend every day of his life at a club but for goodness sake it's his bachelor party.

Brandi, she's not jealous because she has a problem w/ strippers I'm saying she's jealous all the time it's got nothing to do with a strip club.

2nd bride, My FH is Matt haha

Really insecure. I think it's sad to have have that little trust in your man. I used to be with a man I didn't trust an if I was marrying him now, the thought of him having strippers at his bah party would prolly turn my stomach, but I knew our trust issues were big enough for me to part from that relationship. I'm not saying ur friend should break up w her bf, I know they have a kid together, but let's face it..if there's no trust...there's no relationship.

Exactly! That's all I'm saying! I'm not saying she's wrong for thinking different from me, but don't make me feel bad just because I don't have a problem with it. It's just uncomfortable to be around two people fighting let alone when they keep asking you questions to make their own point.

And I guess I should rephrase what I previously posted, I'm not going to get mad if FH doesn't go to a strip club, I'm just going to get mad if he stays at home and has tea and crumpets and doesn't go have a good time.

I'm with Tee on the whole if you're going to do it just tell me don't tell me you didn't go but you really did. Luckily my FS went to a bach party and they went to the strip clubs, he had never been before and when he came home and said he didn't know why everyone raves about the strip clubs when he has the real thing at home It was sucky that she dragged you both into their problems that wasn't fair to make you choose. And like Lucky said they get paid so they probably won't be going after her FS!

I'm on both ends of the fence here. I do agree that every couple has their own views stirppers and stip clubs and that no they shouldn't be judged on that. BUT.... I will also say this... he is the best man and just because he goes to a strip club doesn't mean he has to have women rubbing up and down on him. He can go with your FS and hang out with the guys and not touch a single woman if that is his choice. But that doesn't mean he should be forbidden to go to his best friend's Bach party. My FS does not like stippers and has expressed to me. BUT with that being said.... he never told me I CANNOT have one at my Bachlorette party. The decision is mine and out of respect for him (and the fact that it's not that important to me) I advised my girlfriends that I'd rather not have that. But again that decision was mine. And the figh should have NEVER take place in front of you both nor should she have ever involved you. Also, Jealousy IS insecurity.

Vera I think you and I are on exactly the same line here, I feel like I just read my own thoughts in your comment. I don't want one at my party either, I think the man strippers are sick well at least all the ones I've seen haha.

I keep thinking about everything I wrote last night, and I was really angry and it was right after it happened. I don't think there's anything wrong with her not wanting him to go I completely understand that. If she's uncomfortable with anything they might be doing then the BM can stay home and save the fight and that's fine with me. But I don't like being made to feel bad just because I won't say that I don't want Matt to do it either, because she knows if I did, he wouldn't go. But I can't do that, I'm not going to be mad unless he tells me he's not going and then goes-- and that's just because I think it's sneaky.

Wow. How crazy to bring up the issue in front of people...and then seek validation from those people. You handled it pretty well though. Sounds like you've calmed down now...but I wonder if she has.

Teexoxo, I just wanted to let you know I LOL'd at imagining your FS eating tea and crumpets at his bachelor party.

Honestly, it was unfair of her to drag you into the fight, and it was even more unfair of her to make you feel guilty about letting you FS have the party he wants.

I just get to thinking, if I were a guy watching that fight and seeing the way she behaved vs. the way you behaved, you would be the girl I would admire most in that situation for being so trusting of your FS.