Bachelor Party Childish Friends Booze=STRESS

Dudish-had 1 DUI and he is turning 22 this year also thinks its ok to cheat and doesn’t like me at all at ALL

Ok so that is the gist of his closest friends. Dudish isn’t really a friend but he is always around because he is close with Danny. Dudish isn’t invited to the wedding but I can promise he will be at the BP.

His friends don’t believe that you should stay faithful until the ceremony and they say sh!t like this in front of me. I want FH to have fun and enjoy this experience but I'm scared that they will get him so drunk he won’t know right from wrong, which is what happens when he drinks too much. He has promised me he wont drink that much but it’s hard for him to tell. If he drinks fast, which he ALWAYS does when he drinks with his friends, and it kind of just hits him all at once and then its too late. I don’t know how to explain it but I have this image in my head that they are going to keep passing around shot after shot (which is normal) and when he realizes how drunk he is

Sorry.... its going to be to late. The guys have already talked about him getting so drunk he will be sick for days and that they are going to make him have a great time and they all kinda giggle. Like I said, and I have told his best man this as well, I don’t mind or even care if they go to a strip bar, I just don’t trust the private strippers. They are a little more provocative and do more riskay things. (My FH agrees with this and understands fully.) I am also afraid that they are all going to get drunk and then pile into a car and drive. FH is the only one that wont drink and drive… but that doesn’t mean he wont get in the car with someone that is drunk. His best man… gets drunk and then drives his son home. IDK im just so worried about this whole thing. Like I said I trust him with my life and everything in me, im just not sure about everyone else.

...........

I have talked to FH about it and he said he has no desire to have any involvement with strippers at all. He also stressed that to his friends. But I over heard them (his friends, not FH) at a party last Saturday talking and they said they found this "sleezy girl", their words not mine, on craigslist and she was available for the BP. I know FH agrees with me and wants to respect my wishes and he hasn’t given me any grief about it… I just don’t think his friends care enough to respect his wishes. I think that they want to do this more for themselves then FH.

If it were up to me there would be no party at all.

Am I right to be worried? Is there anything I can do to make this less stressful? Am I just down right crazy? Is there a better way I can approach the friends about this?

Thats it!

Help ladies.

Oh one more thing. MY Fh doesn't have a drinking problem or anything, he is normal like the rest of us. lol

Its just when he drinks to fast it kinda hits him at once. I know they will be passing around shots and what not and he swears that he wont let him self go over the limit but i am still scared he will do it with out realizing it.

Just wanted to clarify that.

Well I'm not sure how to tell you to control this but I can say that you have every right to be upset. I worked as a bartender at a few high-end strip clubs years ago. I became very acquainted with the "business" and the girls who work in it. u are very right that the "private party" dancers are the WORST! that is no bouncer there making them stick to the club rules and for a tiny bit extra tip they'll do ANYTHING. And I have MANY MANY times seen a poor groom get booze FORCED down his throat so that his friends can embarrass him, set him up in very inappropriate situations. Sounds likes his friends are just dying to do that to him.And we all know how alcohol at a party goes, you think you're fine, feeling good, oh a little bit more is just great, and suddenly you're GONE and there's no going back. I will say that if you truly do believe in him than try to realize and know that so much of this has nothing to do with you

. He means it when he says to you he won't drink past a point of control But ANY guy in a situation surrounded by these bastards putting the pressure on him to have "one more shot" and you FH will prob convince himself he can handle just one more....and so on until all control is lost and he is at the mercy of these bastards who want so badly to prove that every guy is as low and disgusting as they are. You're doing the right thing talking with him about your fears.Don't make ultimatums or threats, that's counterproductive. I guess you have to sit back and trust in you FH and his love for you and know that even if he does something stupid that you wouldnt be happy to see, it's most likely not REALLY what he wasnts, its making the best of a bad situation while in a n altered state of mine. I;ve both types of guys(customers) at the club, those who are there to get off and those who are there for times with the guys and the girls are merely decoration that add ambiance.

Even if (god forbid) something ickly happened at the BP, u know that would be stupid superficial ugliness that doesn't have anything to really do with ur life with him. So don't be afraid that this could ruin our whole life. BUt it is still hurtful. Maybe there could be other man outing that would be fun, even with drinking at ha re safe. My fiance is doing either a paintball excursion or trip to the casino for his bachelore party. Fun guy stuff that doesn't HAVE to be gross.He has other friends he barely even knows that are begging to know when the big stripper party will happen.those guys are the ones miserable in ther relationships and my FH doesn't even want them involved cause it's not about that. I've seen the good and bad sides of this whole situation.NO u are not crazy, controlling, or jealous to worry. ur fears are VERY real..but having said that, I have often seen the one guy who totally wants nothing to do with it all. He drinks makes jokes has fun, but still is a gentleman

Encourage him to go to a strip club, rather than have a private stripper. Strippers at clubs are actually very professional, and NOT prostitutes, and DON'T do things with the customers beyond a lapdance. Even if your fiance gets drunk, the strippers are sober and not interested. Also, the bouncers will be there if your FH's guys get too rowdy. Another benefit of him going to an establishment is it's UBER easy to get a taxi.

I seriously hope you have a fierce bachelorette party!

Well Im sure I will not be much help but would like to say you are not alone and I think it is normal to feel this way. I dont think any bride to be is hoping her FH will go out get sloshed and do who knows what with his idiot friends. All I can say is just talk about it and maybe it can be more of a get together verse a PARTY! That is what my FH is doing instead they are going golfing and then getting drinks playing pool whatever men do that doesnt involve sex!! Hopefully after getting married you can find married friends to hang out with...thats what Im hoping...

I totally agree with Laura! This is a crappy situation. You either have to be the b!tch that says no BP or go along with it and pray nothing happens! Do you have anyone you trust going? A brother or cousin that might be able to keep an eye on things for you? If not you're screwed... sorry =( Just make sure you told your FH how you feel and after that, it's kinda out of your hands. If you trust him, like you say, you'll have to trust that he'll watch his drinking like he says. I know... my hubby is the same way!! Doesn't know it's time to stop until it's too late and won't remember till the next morning. It sucks. It kinda sucks that all his friends think that way and say stuff in front of you. Your FH should say something... but that's another story. You just have to trust that everything is gonna be okay... there's not too much else to do. Good Luck!

Those are his best friends but what about other friends? Like coworks. Maybe you should incourage him to make a big deal about it and invite more people. More people = maybe one of them will not drink and be a safe ride home and/or stop him from doing something stupid instead of trying to get him to do something stupid. Also, I don't know if it's in your budget, but if you are concerned about a safe ride they could rent a party bus or even just a car with a driver that would wait around for them when they come out of the bars drunk. Good luck with it all, sounds like a really sh!tty position to be in. For better or for worse right, haha.

Umm.. just a litte side note to sadly dispell the delusion....but yes, strippers IN the clubs often do WAY more than is legal. There was never a week that went by that I didn't have to rat out some girl who was doing extra credit, and I worked in the supposedly very UPSCALE clubs where famous athletes went, etc. And actually, even the ones who do stick to the "rules" a lap dance is still something that no woman would be happy to see her husband get. There is grinding and rubbing on things that should only be for his wife. It might be done through the clothing but does that really matter? Once you have actually worked on the inside and see the reality, it all looks very different to you! So ladies, don't ever feel like you are being unreasonable or a controling if you are not comfortable with your man going to a strip club. Ask him if he would want a male stripper rubbing inbetween your legs even if it's just rhough your clothes!

I agree with Laura. Ive been hurt in the past, and I have dealt with those issues, but once something triggers something and happens to remind me of a situation, I get a lil uncomfortable. So when I hear one of my FH Groomsmen/Brother-n-law saying their going to get him plastered and take him to the "Dirty 30" (nasty strip club of highway 30) I cringe. So dont feel bad for how you feel. Many of us feel this way. My FH is fully aware how I feel but we can only control so much.

Ive known a few strippers and Ive heard the stories. I dont doubt Laura one bit. If a girls desperate and needs the money, she WILL do something to get a lil extra green in her pocket. Im sorry, I know not ALL do that but you certainly cant say none do.

I also agree with one of the other comments, about cowrkrs goin or other family members. If you have a close male buddy, see if they will keep an eye on him. From what it sounds like, he really respects you and I think he'll put his foot down when its neccessary

I think you are warranted in your feelings.

The only advice that I can give that has not been mentioned is that you get a brother or other family member to go to his BP. That way it is someone there who has your intrest at heart and can act as your FH conscience.

Best of luck to you.

Thanks everyone.

Laura- I wasnt ok with strip clubs at first but his BM kinda put me on the spot and so i caved since i would MUCH rather have him go to one then one come to him. But after reading this im not sure im ok with that either. I don't want anything like that to happen. And since his friends morals are non existent that might not be the best place for him to be.

I do like the idea of having some from my male group of friends going. I could send my guy best buddy. He doesnt drink at all so thats a plus.

This all kinda sucks ... i am not have a BP! Lame he gets all the fun!

HEHE

I think you should definitely send your male friend along. My brother is throwing my FH's BP, but my brother is a crazy partier...but I hope he has my best interest at heart...I'm also sending my male cousin along

I am uncomfortable with him gong to a strip club...but it's his bachelor party and although he is AGAINST any tradition...this is the thing he's going for!...of course... I don't think he'll do anything...but it still it makes my stomach turn.

I can't make him jealous with male strippers...he knows that they gross me out and most of them are gay.

but i did let him know that I will be getting LOTS of male attention at my BP...and I won't have to pay anyone

I agree with having him choose someone you trust to help keep things in check. I have a lot of guy friends who trust telling me things that have happened at BP's before and some of them are just down right bad, other times, they spout a lot of talk and go to the same places but there is one or two people who stay mostly sober to keep things in line. In those cases everyone just has fun. I have always felt that part of a guys BP is to talk it up in front of the "wife" and try and make her upset. And I dont know about you ladys here, with the few I have been too and what I have read in books for guys on weddings, The girls BP is almost always worse. LOL. One book even said "if you think yours was fun, dont ask her about hers because face it dude, you dont want to know"

He knows how you feel and because of that I think he will try his hardest to keep things in check, but see about that friend. That could be your best bet.

What a tough situation. I would feel the same way. My FH also has friends as groomsmen who are not the most trustworthy when it comes to being faithful. The difference is that he also has groomsmen who are. Doesn't your FH have at least one friend who would look out for him in this situation?

My FH also will drink faster than it hits him when he's with the guys, although that just makes him sloppy and I've never been given a reason to think he would cheat because of it. It doesn't sound like your FH has given you a reason either...so that's a positive.

I once told my FH to go to a strip club with his buddies when they took a guys trip to AC. He told me about it when he got home and it upset me much more than I thought it would that he responded so much to this stipper giving him a lap dance. Luckily, he is not big into strip clubs and has promised not to get another lap dance, ever. I did use the comparision of, how would he feel if it was me and a male stripper..

He is going to Las Vegas for his BP, but I am not worried. I do trust him, and as sleezy as some of his friends can be, I believe they have his best interest at heart and I don't believe they could make him do something he didn't want to do anyway. This may not be the same for your FH's friends. If he has a decent friend going along, that should help put you at ease. But I don't think pushing for someone you trust to go if he isn't close to them is the right call...He may feel like you do not trust him or are checking up on him. All you can really do is make your feelings known to him and trust him to do the right thing, regardless of drinking. As stressful as it is...it's good practice for marriage..you can't always be with him or pick who his friends are, and as long as he behaves during his BP it should strengthen your trust in him even more. Try to look at it as an opportunity, but also know you are not wrong for being worried.

Here's a little discovery channel meets wedding wire:

There are about 4 or 5000 species of mammals. 3% of those are scientifically considered monogomous...and humans are not one of them! Makes sense, because otherwise people out there wouldn't be having so much difficulty with monogamy. Men have an innate desire which that can't control to spread their genes all over the place.

This is a problem for us...because it means they have a weakness, and that it's not their fault. We make conscious commitments to eachother to be faithful, and even though a lot of guys that do a good job of that, there are a lot of temptations out there that they're fighting every day. (Well, hopefully not every day). Throw in some shots and some a-hole friends at a bachelor party, and that signals double trouble...because we all do things we wouldn't normally do when we're drunk!

(to be continued....)