Bachelor Party Question

What's too much is completely dependent on what you're able/willing to pay. I'd be frank with the host(s) of the event and let them know that the rising costs are prohibitive of you being able to participate. Sometimes people start booking things without taking into account the entire cost; maybe you can find some lower key/less costly ideas for the trip that you could suggest to the group?

You absolutely would not be required, in a logical sense. You need to speak up and tell everyone "$X is what I'm willing to spend for this weekend. This is already an incredibly pricey party and I can't afford to go over this budget."

When it comes to these parties, ALL participating members need to agree about ANY shared prices and must always have the option to decline any extra activities (jet skiing, rock climbing, whatever it is.)

Be honest if you cant afford it.

My FH was the best man in his best man's wedding a couple years ago. He organized a 3 day, 2 night weekend for his friend and the cost was $350 per person, but that included lodging, all food, all drinks, and all activities. They got an AirBnB on a lake, did paintball, went to an arcade type place, did a brewery tour, and hung out. He spent closer to $400-$500 of his own money but expected to chip in more as the best man. This was in the same state, so no excess travel was involved.

There were a few guys who balked at the cost at first, but at the end of the weekend they all said it was awesome and so cheap, because my FH had factored in everything and that cost included food, tips, beer, all of the activities, and all expenses. No one had to pay a penny more than what my FH asked them to chip in initially, and he handled all of the bills and paid for everything from the pool of money he had from the guys who came.

For his best man's wedding itself, which was a 3 hour drive, the wedding was an a ritzy resort and our hotel rooms were $240-$260 a night and we stayed 2 nights because we needed to be on site for all the wedding stuff. His tux rental was over $250. All in all, he spend probably about $1200-$1500 to be a part of that wedding with the bachelor party, hotel, tux rental, travel, and gifts.

I think you should speak up if you cannot afford what is being planned. It's totally reasonable not to want to pay for a luxury vacation if you normally wouldn't spend that amount on yourself (bottle service is definitely an extravagance). Maybe you can talk to the other guys and come up with a plan where you each "sponsor" one activity for the groom, and then pay your own way for the other activities and chip in where you can. So if there are 12 activities, each of you pick one where you pay the full cost of the groom, and then after that you only pay for yourself for other things and you don't have to do all the activities, just some of them. Or you just all pick the activities you want to do, and whoever is doing the activity splits the cost for the groom (so like if only 7 guys plus the groom want to jet ski, the cost for the groom jet skiing gets split 7 ways among those guys, if 12 guys want to hit the casino, then the groom's cost is split 12 ways, and so on). With both of those plans it would allow each person to really invest in the activities that most excite them, and honestly I think many of the activities would be more fun in smaller groups anyway. You have enough time where you can all participate in different parts and still have ample time to hang out with the groom.

Either way, I don't think it is reasonable for everyone to expect everyone else to be in the same financial position, and its totally fair to stick up for what you can reasonably afford for this trip. I think if you frame it in a way where you really want the groom to have fun but also need to be financially responsible and don't want to go broke and then not be able to buy the couple a nice wedding gift or something, people will understand.

Good luck!