Bachelor party & strip club

Personally strip clubs don’t bother me, but if they did and my FH thought it was “cute” that I was upset, we’d have way bigger problems than whether he’s going to a strip club. He’s completely disrespecting and belittling your feelings and that isn’t ok.

Yeah, FH and I discussed this a long time ago. He knows the idea totally disgusts me, so he's not doing it. All you can do is have a serious talk with him about how it makes you feel and hope he respects you.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this.

It's not cute that you're upset..you're upset and he should respect your feelings.

View Quoted Comment

I agree with this. OP, his attitude sounds very condescending to you. I wouldn't be bothered by the strip club, but I would be very bothered by his view of my feelings about it if it upset me.

View Quoted Comment Absolutely. I think strip clubs are a little outdated, but it’s not something I find unsettling. But you fiancé is completely invalidating your feelings and that is not okay.

I would mention how they make you feel and let him know that you’d prefer if he didn’t go to one.

My fiance had a very large bachelor party, 15 guys went to San Diego. A smaller group (around 5) went to a strip club and the other 10 didn't go (either were already asleep/passed out, girlfriends/wives didn't want them to go, etc.). My fiance had more fun at bars than he would at a strip club, but he immediately told me about everything that happened with the other group. I had talked to him before saying I didn't care if he went, I just wanted to be told and not lied to. I would assume if you are 100% against it and really don't want him to go, that should be something you sit down and thoroughly discuss in person then he tells his best man.

We don't like the idea of the other going to a strip club and briefly discussed it during pre-marital counseling with the pastor. I wouldn't ever judge another couple for being okay with them but the bigger issue to me is the fact that you aren't comfortable with it and he didn't try to discuss your feelings with you.. but instead belittled you by calling a valid emotion "cute." I'm sorry about that and hope you are able to discuss the issue before his bachelor party.

My FH is a food, big band, art, 40'5-50's era/ old school car loving kind of a man so no strip club for him lol. For his bachelor party, his best man planned a weekend trip to L.A. during which they went to 3 different car shows and basically went on a food tour all weekend. They had reservations at a 5 star steakhouse saturday, bubba gump sunday, and they hit all the fun touresty dessert places both days. I'm talking donuts, icecream, cookie dough, anything you can think of lol. Ofcourse they went to record stores as well because he collects them. Afterwards, they went to the getty museum. Bachelor parties don't always have to be clubs and strip clubs so if you're uncomfortable I am SURE he has so many other interests and can respect that.

I really didn't want my FH to go to a strip club, and I let him know how I felt about it. He respected my wishes and they went to dinner, an MMA fight and then a casino! There are tons of other things guys can do besides the strip club, and he should respect your feelings on the matter! Just make sure you express to him your feelings, if he doesn't respect them than that is a whole other issue.

So I have a few bad experience in past relationships with strip clubs and strippers, so when I told FH about it he was 100% ok with not going or having any girls at his party. The way he put it was he doesn't drink and he never cared to much for them when he was drinking he just wants to hang out with his friends. That was a huge relief. However I told the Bestman I do not want strippers at FH party. He constantly jokes at it, and finally FH stepped in and told him he doesn't want them there and if they show up he is leaving. I think if your groomsman is joking about it, don't bother with it, let him say whatever. But if by some crazy chance he is serious maybe talk with your FH, tell him how you feel and see how he would want it handled, then go from there.

I’ve always told my fh I don’t mind if he goes to a strip club with the guys once in a blue moon but no lap dances. He can look but he can’t touch. He never goes to any but I’m sure he will for his bachelor party. I just went to one for a bachelorette party and we all had a blast. I understand it’s slightly different for women then men as we don’t get turned on as easily but I trust he would never cross that line. Again, I will just remind him no lap dances. Maybe that’s something you can discuss with him, if that would make you feel more comfortable.

A bachelor party is a celebration of a pending marriage between two people. Marriage is supposedly about love, monogamy, commitment, and all that. Obviously there are alternative lifestyles, but for the sake of argument, we will assume the prior.

Celebrating a pending marriage that represents the aforementioned by including naked women...that are being paid...to touch and entice you...is not logical to me. I understand many women just go with it, but I'm a 100% logical, black and white person, and this just doesn't work for me and never has.

I'm friends with strippers. I have attended strip clubs. I have zero insecurity with their existence and actually wish I'd had been smart enough to do it in my 20s. That said, this was always a line in the sand for me in any relationship, but it is especially a massive NOPE for a bachelor party based on what is being celebrated and the lack of logic.

Here's what I like to say to a man who likes to think this is "okay" and that a woman should just roll with it: If you were out at a bar with friends and a woman, uninvited, began giving you a lap dance, touching you, etc, and my friend sent me a picture of this occurring, should I become mad? Usual response: Of course! My reply: then why the hell should I be okay with you not only seeking this, but paying a naked woman to do it? Usual response: 🙄.

Also, its not the last night of being single. That night occurred many moons ago when ya'll entered a monogamous relationship. Wedding vows don't change that, just make it a legally binding contract.

My FH knows that I draw the line on this in a monogamous relationship. If he wants that in his life in anyway, we will just need to renegotiate the terms of our relationship so that I can get my rocks off as well.

So, my FH has to go into strip clubs to do business checks for work (police officer). When he first started the job, he thought it was a joke, but no, they legit have to go in there and sign a log book that they deemed the strip club safe and nothing illegal was going on. Once in a while they would get dinner while there because the strip club owner gives them free food. My FH, no joke, would run out of there mid chew when the strippers tried to talk to him 😂😂 I thought it was hysterical, and his being in a strip club, albeit for work, never bothered me. However, your FH might be mistaking your uneasiness as jealousy, and might find that you’re acting jealous cute. I think you may need to sit him down and explain to him what exactly it is about strip clubs that you don’t like, and let him know that it’s not because your jealous (I’m assuming you’re not) that you’re upset.

It’s not cute that your upset. He shouldn’t be ignoring your feelings. He should instead be taking your feelings to heart. My fiancé already said he’s not even having a bachelor party, he views it as “celebrating the last bit of freedom”, but he doesn’t feel like he’s trapped or anything by marriage. So, he doesn’t want one because he sees no point in celebrating. If he ever planned on and I told him I didn’t want him going to a strip club and he remarked that it was “cute” I would turn angry quicker than he could say the word stripper. He shouldn’t belittle your feelings.

It's not "controlling" him. He's disrespecting and belittling your feelings and that is not okay.

Don't pressure yourself to feel a certain way because other people tell you it's "normal". Honestly, my husband and I both view going to a strip club while in a relationship as a form of cheating. Other people probably think that's ridiculous but it's OUR relationship, WE define the terms. We both stated that if either of our bachelor/bachelorette parties included a strip club the wedding would be off and our friends respected that and they chose other activities for our parties. There are plenty of other ways to have fun at a bachelor party without hurting the feelings of the person you love enough to marry.

If it bothers you, he should respect that and not go. That's not being controlling, that's respecting each other's boundaries.