Bachelor party...tmi

So I’m confused. You’re upset that he’s going to a strip club or you’re upset that he didn’t tell you ahead of time? I don’t care if my fiancé goes to the strip club; he said he wasn’t going to but I told him he can and to go have fun.

Yeah, I'd be peeved too - especially if the plans have changed. I'd have a talk with him, and let him know how all of this is making you feel. There's no reason he needs to have strippers at his bachelor party - especially if it's going to cause emotional strife before the wedding.

View Quoted Comment I'm upset that he is planning on going, and that he is being so nonchalant about it. He doesn't care what I think or feel after we previously had talked about it and he said he understood.

View Quoted Comment We're have talked about it and agreed he wouldn't go to the strip club. I told him how I felt about it and he said he understood. Now he is changing his mind and im upset by it

View Quoted Comment So then have a conversation with him about it.

Personally, I wouldn’t care if my guy wanted to have strippers. It’s his last night out before getting the big day, why not have a fun night? It doesn’t change anything between you and him. It seems like one would only have a problem with this if they are either insecure, have trust issues, or controlling.

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I disagree. Why do you need to add strippers into the mix to "have a fun night"? Clearly, this makes her uncomfortable, and seeing as they've already previously discussed their views and agreed on this subject, I don't feel like makes her the least bit insecure, untrusting or controlling to be upset that the plans have since changed.

I think i'd be upset too. Especially if you told him how you feel about it, and he doesn't take that into consideration. Why can't he have fun without strippers? When I was younger and "partied" a lot, I didn't see anything wrong with strippers. However, now, especially since I am growing in my Christianity, I see it more as disrespectful. I'm currently trying to figure out the best approach to tell my FH I don't think either of us should have strippers, as well. For me, I like the idea of renting a lake house/cabin or going camping for a weekend with my girls. For him, a deep sea fishing trip followed by drinks with the guys would/should be plenty of fun.

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FH and I agreed on no strippers at either of our parties a long time ago. We both have absolutely no interest in having them, and honestly we don't see the point or the "fun". I'm having a spa weekend away with my girls, and he plans on renting a cabin and fishing for the weekend!

I personally don't want my FH to go to the strip club cuz it gives me flashbacks to my ex who just decided to go one night and then lied about it. Only later it came out that the stripper was on him, boobs in face and I was pissed tf off. Idk who wouldn't be. How do you know what happens there. I'd be fine with yeah you can go and look but they can't give you a lap dance. I would go to one too so long as they don't touch me. Those would be my only stipulations. I KNOW FH wouldn't want some male stripper to put his junk in my face or even near me so what's with the double standard. I think it's unfair of your FH to change his mind when you both had discussed it. Soooo I think you need to bring it up again and be honest.

I am not controlling or anything of the sort. Its upsetting that I told him how I feel about it and we agreed on it. Only for him to change his mind to impress his friends. Regardless of how I feel. These strippers grind EVERYTHING on your FH includeing rubbing their junk for extra money. That's violating boundaries iin itself. The thought of another woman sitting in his lap period makes my stomach turn.

The fishing trip or hunting trip works great. Which is what we're agreed too to begin with.

I think you need to sit down with your fiance and have a long and serious talk, possibly with a couples counselor. I would be concerned with "you don't tell me what happens at yours, vice versa" because that is no way to handle a relationship in general regardless of the situation. My fiance told me in advance he doesn't want to go to a strip club. I told him he just needs to tell me prior if he does. But I would be mad if he changed his plans at the last minute and said something weird like that.

We also both agreed that it's something we do not want and our friends and family are aware of that. It's not about insecurity, control or trust, it's about respect for yourselves, the relationship and one another. I hope no one takes the respect part out of context because many couples and single people respect themselves despite going to a strip club and it's something they find fun in or together, but that's fine as long as it's a mutual agreement. I'd definitely be bothered by this if I were in your situation. Especially if it's a conversation you both have already had and eliminated. It's only fair that if you validate his feelings, he should try to do the same and try to see your perspective. Maybe he feels guilty and is just putting a tough front only for his guys who have probably egged him on to do it versus remembering the conversation you guys had. I guess this is where the compromise in a relationship comes in from my perspective, how far is he willing to go knowing you don't feel comfortable? And will this continue in the future in other scenarios?

You have every right to feel the way you feel.

Personally I would be fine if my fiancé had strippers at his bachelor party but I don’t want to know about how much he can’t wait for it. I don’t want to know how excited he is about it and I don’t want any details the less I know the better. I completely trust him but I also don’t need to know how excited he is to get a lap dance. I assume he would be excited. Keep it between you and the boys.

Now if we agreed no strippers and he then changed his mind and disregarded my feelings about it and rubbed it in my face by telling me how excited he was? I’d be pissed. It would be a problem.

Strippers aside it’s me and my man have an agreement and he does an about face and doesn’t care about the way I feel about it, we have a problem.

talk to him. It’s not really about strippers. It’s disregarding your previous agreement and not caring.

The most troubling part is this “ well don't tell me what happens at your bachelorette party and I won't tell you what happens at mine.” That makes it sound like he’s going to be doing more than watching and more than lap dances. And doesn’t seem to care if you do that same. That’s messed up. You don’t want another woman naked and grinding on his junk. He should respect that. Someone should never choose strippers over their partner’s feelings.

I would be upset, too. You’re getting mixed reactions on this because everyone’s relationship is unique and has different boundaries and that’s okay! But it’s not even about being insecure or controlling, it’s about the boundaries that you’ve set and him going against that, and I completely understand why you’d feel upset! In my opinion, I don’t think going to a strip club is a good way to “celebrate” getting married. I don’t see the point in going and watching the naked dancers “to have fun”.

I don't mind strippers either--I always believed it's something that a bachelor party should have because personally, it sounds fun to me, BUT Lauren said it for me, it's the fact that he said the thought of it excites him and he can't wait for them. I rather a man leave me to my understanding and acceptance that we have our desires, but don't wave them in my face in a way that implies you're going to do a little more than staring and flirting.

For the record any bachelor will get at least 2 lap dances bought for him at his party. The best man will buy him a dance, as will at least every other guy there. Also note theres bachlor party packages that save a ton on drinks and include vip room dance for the special guy. When doing a lap dance the point is to feel his arousal pushed against you. Guys will try to say no at first but the guys will pressure him and even the most loyal fall into this peer pressure and at the least receive the dances. Some parties even pay money for oral for the special guy. As someone who was in this industry i admire girls who don't care if their guy does this. It's a direct No for me. I would talk to him but at the end of the day if yalls definitions of whats acceptable are not aligned, you will have other issues aside from this.

I would be pretty upset too! This is one of the few things I get really heated about! It’s so disrespectful to a relationship to do the whole stripper thing just because you’re legally not going to be single anymore. Why any guy would want to start off their marriage by having strippers before the wedding is beyond me. To me it’s one thing to go to a strip club just because but specifically having strippers related to anything wedding related is so disrespectful.

View Quoted Comment You’re so right, the fact he said those words is incredibly hurtful and disrespectful. I know those words would never come out of my FH’s mouth but if they did there’s a good chance I’d be putting the brakes on the wedding! I don’t put up with that!