Bachelorette and Bridal Shower Almost Drama

I get that your sister-in-law may be controlling but it sounds like she really wants to help and be a part of the planning process and your family is kind of pushing her off to the side which may make her feel rejected. I would say let her have something because at the end of the day you are marrying her brother and you need to be on good terms with her. Also I think it's great that your mom and sisters want to do things but if they are busy and do not have the finances that it might actually be good for them to let someone else do it. I totally understand why your mom wants to be involved because you're her daughter and it's a big day but do you think she would be really finna to let someone else plan the bridal shower? If your mom really wants to plan the bridal shower then I would maybe maybe still give some kind of tasks to your sister lost such as let her find the venue and maybe let her take care of the games of The decoration. Also your maid of Honor's don't have to be the only ones plan bachelorette parties. I've never been a maid of honor but I've been a bridesmaid and I've usually been there to also help organize Bachelor parties about of Bridesmaids. Can the bridal party help organize it? Is your sister-in-law going to be in your bridal party? Even if she's not if she wants to do something I say let her have at it.

I'd just reach out to everyone together and say everyone wants to help out so please let them as you're all my family now.
For the bachelorette party just ask if they're planning anything and if not you'll plan it or you'll let for sil plan it as she'd really like to me included

For the bridal shower, I’d suggest to your mom that your FSIL would like to help and please include her in some way. If your FSIL is controlling, it’s best your family organizes the event and let’s your FSIL chip in. Don’t force them all to work together.


Rachael has a good plan for the bachelorette party.

Part of the problem may be that your family, and FI sister, have different ideas about who is supposed to do showers, and how. Traditionally, they do NOT "belong" to the MOH and mom to plan. Any close friends of bride or female family of bride *, or female family of groom, may volunteer to give a shower. If they are in the wedding party, or not. Because MOH are often closest friends, and rest of BP too, often they volunteer. But it can be done by a friend in the BP and one who is not, with other BM or MOH not involved. Or with a family member from each family. Or just friends. However, whoever volunteers to host the party, an individual or small group, every person hosting has a say in how it is done. And no one who does not have a say, is asked to contribute. *Until recently, even 10-15 years ago, MOB have always been discouraged or banned from giving showers, because too many went overboard to push people into big showers, or things other people would not have wanted , to get more gifts and a showier party. --- So Sister is not at all out of line wanting to work on the shower. It is not just for the MOH's and Mom. They do not have control of it. Are others involved, contributing or planning, or have only the 2 MOH planned to hostess with Mom? Other BM or friends? One of the first things to decide is budget everyone who is part of paying and planning needs to be comfortable with the budget. If most can afford only a free or home venue, and home cooked food, for example, then that is what they have. No one person can push others to spend beyond budget for a venue. Or to have a bigger shower than they can afford. Sometime when part of two families and bridal party or outside friends cannot agree, especially if one or more want many more guests than others can afford, they split into two showers, hosted by different people, and split the guests up. If groom's family is huge, or bride's, they may have a separate shower from bride's family and friends. Or families may work together, and friends have a separate one. But unless Sister wants to give a shower alone, if she is volunteering to do it with others, all hostesses need to have a say. That is a usual expectation. If MOB and 2 MOH's and Sister are the 4 hostesses, and 3 vote for lower budget or numbers, the whole group will need to agree to it, and Sis not dominate. The only way bride should get involved is if Sis actually tries to push others. But to exclude her from decision making before starting, assuming she will be a problem, is pretty unfair. She is doing the commonly accepted thing of volunteering to work with others. Showers do not "belong" to bridal MOH and mom's.

It's nice that your sister in law is trying to help. I would maybe suggest to your family to give your sister in law a project for the bridal shower so she can help plan it. That being said, she needs to understand that perhaps this is something they want to do on their own, and if they choose to not include her, it is not out of maliciousness, it is just that it's your family planning something for you. My own FSIL said that to my FMIL when my sister didn't reach out to her about the shower. She told her to back off because my family was throwing it for me (she tends to be a little controlling too). However, my sister gave her all the details and explained to her the little surprises so she felt included in the process.