Bachelorette / Bridal Shower Weekend

I definitely think it is understand that they don't want to attend a shower or bachelorette party as these are optional events. I'm sure they probably thought that by now things would be back to normal or semi-normal. No one had any idea how long this pandemic would last. That being said, I think it is wrong to keep money for a trip they aren't attending due to health concerns. If they were skipping out on the events because they just didn't feel like coming that would be one thing, but it's not.

I agree with PP. while it sucks that this will fall on you to pay since weddings are expensive enough as it is, this is a pandemic and I can’t fathom making someone pay for an optional party that they are scared to attend. Even if you don’t go out, you’re still meeting with a big group which adds a lot of risk. Especially if you live in a harder hit area or they are traveling from harder hit areas.
I booked an Airbnb for my friends for the night before and night of my wedding. Everyone agreed to pay their part but that was in early March before the shut downs. If by the time we get to my wedding, people can’t come anymore because they’re not comfortable or the wedding doesn’t happen, I will reimburse everyone.
I think it would be rude to make my friends pay for something they’re not participating in.

I see what you’re saying, but I would give them their $ back too. It completely sucks that it happened but I don’t think I’d feel right about it either.

I have to agree with the PPs. I think you should give them their money back.

I would think that they would just assume that they wouldn’t be getting their money back. If I had paid for a trip, and knew that if I canceled I wouldn’t be refunded, I wouldn’t assume that one of my friends would pay for my cancellation. Regardless of who the party is for. It sucks that people are canceling though. I can’t wait till this Covid thing is over because it’s really ruining everything for everyone

Before i decided to postpone the wedding and consequently the bachelorette I had some who had backed out, I offered their $$ back. Many did not accept my offer but i still offered

Especially in May. May was one of the high points. Everyone was still in Ground Zero, not even phase 1. If they were OK with it then, strange that now that things are reopening they are backing out. Either way, in my opinion if I were one of your friends I would never think that I’d be getting my money back. I’m sure you would’ve never rented the size of the house that you did if you knew how many people were going to actually be there. They all agreed to pay and they understood the terms and conditions. If I did that, I would never expect my friend to cover the cost of me because I bailed out. Especially the bride!

View Quoted Comment I agree DJ. If people knew it wasn’t refundable, they shouldn’t assume they should get their money back. The people that are backing out, their reason isn’t because they’re scared of getting sick or getting other sick. One of the girls cancelled her stay at the house but still will be attending all the other weekend events which I don’t understand.

Maybe they heard about Thomas Macias, who died of Covid-19 June 21. He was infected at a small family bbq that another person also attended after testing positive, because they didn't have symptoms.

I have to agree with PPs. At this time, I can totally understand them having second thoughts and backing out. I would offer to return their money, if it was me.

View Quoted Comment Did they specifically ask you at any point for the money back or are you just assuming that they’re going to? Especially knowing that the other girl will actually be hanging out with you for some of it. I would never just dodge my bride with the tab that I agreed-upon. I totally respect all the other PP’s comments but I guess I’m looking at it from if I were a bridesmaid standpoint.

View Quoted Comment One of them did ask if it was possible to get a refund but the Airbnb host said no. I certainly don’t want to be stuck paying almost $1k of everyone else’s share that drops out. One of the girls does have a legitimate reason for not being able to attend but she was 100% fine with letting her money go.

I think if they knew upfront that the property rental was non refundable that should still stand. If everyone including you decided to cancel the weekend, you wouldn’t be refunded and they shouldn’t expect you to bear the entire burden and still refund them.


I understand this is an unsure time we’re in. Trust me, I get it. I really thought things would be better by now, not back to normal, no, but I thought the outlook would look brighter and more hopeful but now I’m actually looking at a legit backup plan for my Oct 24 wedding. My girls and I have still been up in the air about bachelorette weekend plans. We have the weekend decided but no location yet, will likely play it by ear.

If I were one of the guests backing out, I wouldn't expect my money back, because I would have known at the time I agreed to go that it was nonrefundable. Refunding them would be a nice gesture if you're able to do so, but I don't think it's required. If you do decide to refund their money, you could instead give them a 50% refund, so that you aren't having to cover the whole bill, and they aren't losing out on everything they paid? I don't think you should have to cover the bill, but just an idea in case you feel you need to give a refund.

I’m from TN so this might be a southern thing lol, but I’ve honestly never been to a bachelorette party where the bride was asked to pay for any part of the Air Bnb, so I wouldn’t dream wouldn’t of having her bear my share. However, with that being said in these times/for that price if I was a bridesmaid I would have appreciated a little notice of “if you don’t feel comfortable traveling please let me know by this date so we can cancel reservations or make alternate plans if necessary”

Honestly if they were okay with it since the beginning given the fact that was when we were on the highest limited restrictions since the pandemic started I wouldn't think you should give them back their refund.

You have no obligation to return the money nor should you feel bad about it! They committed in May, the same as you. Why should only one person (you) in that arrangement take the full financial consequences? The fact that this is an ‘optional’ party doesn’t negate that they made the decision to commit to it.
I also say this as someone who has dropped out of a bachelorette party 2 weeks out (for family reasons, pre-COVID) and paid for my share of the weekend. That said, you shouldn’t expect them to cover any costs that aren’t already sunk (ie. food at the house, decorations)

These are your nearest and dearest. They probably thought things would be better by now, but here we are. Personally I’d postpone (yes, again) or cancel the whole thing. There’s no way I’m sharing living space with others right now, in particular people I don’t know extremely well (which I don’t know if your full party is really close with one another or not). I just can’t know how seriously many people are taking things these days. Though you may not be going to a bar, plenty of people are uncomfortable with spa or salon appointments right now. I’ve canceled spa appointments because you simply can’t have a facial done in a face mask. And finally, some of your friends and family might not be in the position to reimburse you at the moment. Many people are losing their jobs or know that’s a real possibility at some point this year.

I feel like the guests knew that it was possible things wouldn't be "cleared up" by now with Covid, while everyone has been optimistic and hopeful, these times are unprecedented and to assume things would be cleared up puts the onus on the guests not you, you were just as clueless about the future as they were.

It's completely understandable that some friends might back out due to concerns, however if I were backing out due to concerns, I wouldn't expect or accept money back from the bride. That is a lot to expect someone else to pick up your bill because you chose to back out regardless of reason and I do not think you should be responsible to pay them back and foot their bill yourself.