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Just Said Yes April 2024

Bachelorette Help

Lauren, on February 12, 2022 at 12:38 PM Posted in Parties and Events 0 12

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Hi there,
I’m looking for a little help with a decision for my Bachelorette. For context, my fiancé and I set a date for June 2023. We have the same group of friends that we hang out with monthly. In the group, we have 3 couples (including myself and my fiancé), and 2 girls. Couple 1 is our matron of honor and best man. The 2 girls are the best man’s sister, and my fiancé’s sister. The issue comes with couple 2. Let’s call them Gigi and Mike. Mike is a groomsmen but I’ve never really liked Gigi but we hangout we don’t really talk but she’s part of the group so when we invite Mike, it’s a given that Gigi will be there (obviously because they’re a couple). I want to do an out of the Country bachelorette party, and Couple 1, came up with the idea of a joint bachelorette/bachelor party to Cancun. We would travel together and then go our separate ways. The issue with that is that it would be weird if Gigi wasn’t invited and her boyfriend was. I only wanted a bachelorette with the bridal party only and then do a separate more local bachelorette for cheaper so I can invite more people. I don’t know what to do. I’ve told couple 1 and the 2 girls, that I will not be inviting Gigi to my bachelorette because we’re not close and I don’t even like her company. They are worried for the sake of the group. Can someone please advise on this issue or have a similar experience that you can share?
Do I just bite the bullet to make everyone happy or go with my gut and not invite her?
Also, I plan on talking to Mike this week since Mike and my fiancé have been friends since elementary school and I’m closer to Mike.

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Latest activity by Jacks, on February 15, 2022 at 6:05 AM

Master September 2019
Sarah · on February 12, 2022 at 2:17 PM
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I wouldn’t do a joint trip if you’re going to exclude one person. I don’t think you have to include Gigi in your plans if you’re doing just a girls trip but if everyone else in this social group is invited except her I imagine it would cause issues not only between you and her but possibly between your FH and her boyfriend.
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Dedicated April 2023
Ashley · on February 12, 2022 at 3:53 PM
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Because she's not in the WP, you don't have to invite her to the bachelorette.
The fact Mike is a groomsman and has been very close to your fiancé for more than a decade doesn't mean you have to include Gigi.
You may want to invite her to keep the peace, if your think it's worth it but in your situation, I wouldn't . I can see why some people do things to keep the peace but you shouldn't do it if you know it will make you unhappy and your FH should stand up for you on this if you decide to "skip" her, since putting your spouse first is the most important husband/wife duty. This is the main promise that's included in your vows.
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Dedicated May 2019
Kylie · on February 12, 2022 at 6:06 PM
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While I’d love to say, just don’t invite her, especially if this party is just for the bridal party…I don’t think it’s that easy. I think it puts Mike in a really tough spot, one I wouldn’t want to put a good friend of mine in. What does your fiancé think? I’d either extend the invite to anyone who wants to come that you’d invite to a local bach, and include her, or just invite her. I think not inviting her is just not kind and will cause problems that would tarnish your event.
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Super November 2020
Natalie · on February 12, 2022 at 10:30 PM
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Even if you are taking a joint bachelor/bachelorette party trip, it will be very obvious that you are intentionally excluding Gigi, as she will be the only one from the entire group not going. This puts everyone else in the group in an awkward position. Will Mike want to go on a big trip that includes other couples knowing his significant other, who attends all other group activities, is the only one not invited? All of the others invited are likely going to completely downplay the trip and avoid talking about it during group hangouts because it is going to be the “elephant in the room.” While I do not know your reasons for not liking, I think not inviting her would honestly reflect much more poorly on you than on her and would likely change the dynamic of the entire group of friends. You (and your FH) must decide if it is worth that risk.
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VIP December 2021
mrswinteriscoming · on February 13, 2022 at 7:14 PM
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I fully agree with this.
I truly don't think there is any way you could pull this off without hurting Mike and/or Gigi's feelings and I think this could result in a lot of drama that will reflect poorly on you.
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Rockstar November 2054
Jacks Online · on February 13, 2022 at 9:11 PM
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This. I can't fathom how you're going to say to everyone "lets go to Cancun!!!! ---but not you Gigi".
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Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on February 13, 2022 at 9:44 PM
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Many bridesmaids and friends can’t easily afford a domestic bachelorette trip that requires air travel, much less 2.

Don’t invite anyone anywhere out of obligation to please others. Just because the men are best friends doesn’t mean that the women are required to be best friends. Only invite those you are super close to. If you would not pick her as a best friend to be a bridesmaid, don’t invite her to an intimate bachelorette party.
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VIP December 2021
mrswinteriscoming · on February 13, 2022 at 9:56 PM
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I'm surprised by this comment because I know in other forums you are quite staunch on partners being a package deal.
It isn't just an intimate bachelorette party but a joint destination bachelor/bachelorette party where all the other couples in the group are attending - don't you think in that circumstance that not inviting Gigi will be a very obvious snub that is damaging to the friendship with Mike?
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Just Said Yes April 2024
Lauren · on February 13, 2022 at 10:01 PM
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We would only be traveling together to the destination on a plane and back on a plane. Once we get to the airport in Mexico, we would go our separate ways and meet back up once it’s time to leave. The point of the joint trip is because our matron of honor and best man can only take time off at that time because they’re teachers.
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Just Said Yes April 2024
Lauren · on February 13, 2022 at 10:02 PM
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Everyone has some pretty good comments. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts!
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Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on February 13, 2022 at 10:49 PM
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Pre-wedding parties are not hosted by the couple so anyone can attend or not attend depending on the group who is hosting. If the odd girl out was hosting the party, would it change if the bride didn’t want to attend since she said she doesn’t like her company? She could politely decline. If a significant other of a groomsman is not invited a guest to the shower for example because they are not close to the hostess or the bride, that doesn’t have the same consequences as not being invited to the wedding day. It’s a sticky situation and is why etiquette exists to navigate that. At the same time, that is why etiquette says don’t invite people you are not comfortable with to an intimate pre-wedding party which are traditionally divided by gender. The same applies if it was a male friend who was expected to be invited to bachelor party but no one is close to them except their significant other. The wedding day is a different situation and follows the “package deal” line of etiquette.

Either way, the party will uncomfortable for someone involved and the question is how to alleviate it the most. OP needs to follow her gut and communicate with the other half of the friend group to see what compromise they can reach.
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Rockstar November 2054
Jacks Online · on February 15, 2022 at 6:05 AM
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I think if it's a group trip involving a number of couples, leaving one sole person out would be hurtful. This event isn't really divided by gender though, since it's a destination event.
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Bachelorette Help

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