Bachelorette party etiquette different cities

I think the silence says it all. A destination bachelorette party is too much for them. Could they throw you a small party once everyone is in Italy?

If you go with new Orleans you can have both the party vibe and outdoor activities. The one from Dallas and Houston can drive. Technically Tampa can drive also but it's a pretty long drive and not worth it in my opinion the flights are cheaper than some of the other locations and food prices in New Orleans are cheaper than some of the other cities as well. I would figure out which ones are complaining of the cost and maybe see if you can find something close to those if possible.

I wouldn’t do anything involving travel. You’re already asking a lot of them with a wedding in Italy. If anything, something low key and inexpensive is appropriate.

When did bachelorettes stop being an evening out in a local bar, and become an out of town trip?

There is no reason for people to spend that kind of money for a bacheorette.

Honestly, whoever is asking you want to do, I would go back to them and ask them what they’re thinking privately. Perhaps they weren’t expecting you to say a weekend long trip with flights and hotels. Maybe a local friend thought you were having a local bach or a long distance friend assumed you’d trek out to see them. If whoever asked you what you want to do is giving you silence or backlash, id just ask them, “well, what do you suggest haha I’m not even really supposed to plan this thing!” and laugh it off. Definitely ask them separately because they also might not want to broadcast their budget restraints to everyone.

That is quite the destination wedding! Your friends are willing to travel to Europe for you! I know if I were a bridesmaids I would be super excited but also having to save large chunks of money and another weekend trip for $500 or more I would absolutely decline. I wouldn’t expect much until you got to Italy when the girls are all together then do a fun night out on the town!

I immediately assumed your friend meant for when you are all in Italy for your DW so she was probably shocked when you suggested a destination bachelorette party that required even more expensive travel. I would clarify with her what she meant and then suggest options for something on the smaller side for when you are in Italy.

View Quoted Comment This would be my assumption as well. If they’re all attending the wedding in Italy, they’re probably looking to see what you want to do while there. Maybe dinner at a nice place and some exploring.

I'm also having a destination wedding and am just saying "no thanks" to bachelorette parties and showers.

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This is the way to handle it!

View Quoted Comment Agree, I also thought that she meant what would y’all do together in Italy before the wedding. And if so then it makes sense they reacted how they did.

Hm. I also had a destination wedding and a destination bachelorette party... no one complained to my face, but I also fully expected that not everyone would be able to do both. I think I only had about 8 friends at my bachelorette. But I was okay with that.

So that’s another thing to consider- if you really want to go hiking and only 3 people can attend, are you cool with that? If not, and it’s a money issue than you need to fund the cost for anyone you really want there. Or perhaps broaden your invite list (are there other friends invited to the wedding that you might include?).

There is really no good solution when your friends are spread all over the country. You can offer to pay for it yourself or to do it when you get to Italy.

Also... whoever said driving from Tampa to New Orleans (or even Dallas!) is a good solution doesn’t live in the South... I’d rather stay home than drive 8-12 hours one way for a weekend bachelorette party! Please don’t ask people to do that.

My BF had a destination wedding in the DR and when deciding on Bach weekend (our entire group is big on full on bach destination weekends) she made sure to choose somewhere that was drive-able so we went to Boston for 3 days and it was so much fun!

For my Bach my girls asked me where I wanted to go, they were all ready to fly to Vegas, however, FH and his guys (many of their wives/gf's are my BM's) are flying to Austin TX for 5 days ( crazy!) so to keep it affordable I chose a beach town about an hour from our houses we rented a house and it's costing each girl $58 for the weekend. I am supplying the food and booze for the house, I did not plan this my girls did, they have no idea I am stocking everything.

I would say keep it close to home or have the party when you get to Italy if time allows.

Go back to whoever asked and see what they were thinking. Maybe they were thinking it would be local to you and people could crash with you? They may not have thought it through, this the silence. If you hear nothing back drop it and move on. People are clearly saving their money for the wedding as they should if they plan to attend.

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My sister is currently of an age where it seems like ALL her friends are getting married. Seriously, it's hard to tell because of overlapping timelines and name changes, but I would estimate that she has been a bridesmaid at least 15 times in the last two years. Pretty sure EVERY SINGLE one has had a destination BP, at least 3 days long. Fancy restaurants, boat outings, nights and brunches out. Delayed flights home on one, she missed a Monday of work. I cringe every time I see new pictures come up, I honestly have no idea how she can afford to keep it up, never mind the time involved with these things.
All of my friends that have gotten married, we did what you are talking about...went out and hit up the club scene locally. We covered dinner, drinks, and ubers. I thought I was just getting old...LOL.

Unless all of your friends are very well off, this is asking a lot.

Just let it go. If you are all arriving in Italy a few night before, maybe arrange a special girls only dinner one of those nights.

4 of my 7 bridesmaids live all across of the country. Your bachelorette party will have to be a destination party because everyone lives all over. Your only other option would be to do something in Italy before the wedding, or to not have a bachelorette party at all if people aren't willing to travel.

I was in same boat w destination wedding and bachelorette. I had to accept that many people couldn’t afford to do both, some came to bach who can’t go to wedding and some will go to wedding instead of bach. I only have about 4 including my sister who will be at both. I chose a destination, Miami, which had easy, quick flights. I made it clear what costs were associated up front, also the expectation that I would be paying my equal share in everything. And we had the most amazing time!!

Lastly, been to bach in Nola and savannah! Highly recommend both!! Nola is expensive to fly into from the north east- id recommend checking which has best flight prices from where the majority will be flying. That helped me a lot. (Also spreading the costs) I fronted everything so the girls could pay me in installments which made it easier on them

My wedding is semi destination, I live in Tampa and 80% of the guests are coming from out of town and my BM & MOH are from up north. Since they're coming from out of town, I'm considering just having a joint "bachelor/ette" maybe a few days before the wedding if they're able to come a couple days before. That way they're already in town and we can just do activities here. I hate to ask them to spend more money for travel/flights to anywhere else. It's just hard when not everyone is in the same city!