Bachelorette Party Etiquette

Hmmm interesting. Did they ever discuss budget with you? I've only been in a bridal party once before, and we all split the cost for the bride. However, we had a 1 day event and not a whole weekend. When I've heard brides doing weekend-long affairs, they usually cover at least some of their own expenses, but that is usually discussed beforehand.

From what I’ve been told everything is supposed to be planned and paid for by the MOH (maid/matron of honor) and BM’s.(bridesmaids)
I’m voluntarily helping out with some things with my bachelorette weekend because that’s the type of person I am and even offered to helped with a more however MOH didn’t let me 🤣. So I’d say that especially to be asked out of no where since it was all their plan to begin with and to have you also help pay without you offering first was honestly a bit rude of them and out of ordinary etiquette. Now this is me and also again from other things I have read and everyone as well as every area is different and has different values, traditions, etc but this is what I’ve been told is the “norm” and proper way of planning/paying for a bridal shower/bachelorette/lingerie party or weekend is that it’s up to the MOH & MAIDS not the bride.

View Quoted Comment They did not discuss budget and I was not involved in any of the planning or included in the e-mail chain leading up to the event. It was such a beautiful weekend but now I am feeling a bit hurt by their request.

View Quoted Comment Then you really shouldn't be expected to pay. All the people I've known who have done more elaborate bachelorettes, like flying to Miami or Vegas or wherever, have paid their way but this was discussed ahead of time. It's impolite to just spring a bill onto someone. With that being said, I don't know how I would point that out without feeling super uncomfortable, so I'm not sure if I could give you any suggestions on what to do about it.

I would explain to them what you explained to us. Talk about that you were never included in budget/planning, that it was a beautiful weekend, but you’re surprised that now you have to pay when it’s 1. After the fact and 2. They never discussed it with you prior. I would ask why they feel you should pay. It’s bachelorette so you really shouldn’t pay for anything unless discussed prior (which was not the case)

Yeah that's a little odd to me. I kind of volunteered to have my MOH include me in the overall cost of everything and just paid her. I was apart of the planning and her figuring out what everyone owed. But I'm not expecting to pay for anything the day of drinks, food ect. I've been apart of a few bachlorette parties before and it's usually split between the bridesmaids and guest. The bride usually doesnt pay.
If you werent involved in the planning and they didnt even ask you to a week later that's a little strange to me. I dont even know how I would approach that though. Was it just one girl that reached out? There may of a been a chance that someone just got stuck with the bill and is more just thinking how to evenly split it amongst the group of you that were there?

Yeah that is odd that they are asking you to pay part of the expenses of the weekend. My guess is that they don't understand how these things typically work. Or, did they plan a great weekend and realize that the costs quickly spiraled out of control and are trying to recoup as they don't have the cash, or perhaps someone bailed on contributing? Of course that doesn't make it ok to stick you with a bill you knew nothing about, as nobody should be billed for something they had no say in. Is one of the BM's closer to you that you could gently broach this with? Explain what you did here, you were surprised and wondered how it came about to have you pay. That might be enough for them to realize the error in their ways, or you will find out about other extenuating circumstances.

For mine, the bridesmaids split the house, decor, groceries, surprise in home massage for me, meals, and drag queen show. They didn't plan on it, but I brought some groceries & paid for a dinner & brought favors for everyone. My MOH consulted them on budget prior. I would have been caught off guard if my MOH asked me for money prior to consulting my budget.

If it was not brought up and discussed prior to the weekend then I don't think you should be obligated to give any money for the weekend. If they wanted you to pitch in they should have discussed that with you beforehand.

My bridesmaids and I have spoken about my weekend in July and I have offered to help pay for the airbnb as well as help with meals but other than that they don't want me paying for anything.

View Quoted Comment I spoke with my sister and sister-in-law (who are also bridesmaids) who are very upset and surprised that the two bridesmaids who planned the weekend asked me to pay (they told me that it was a “group decision”). They both offered to pay “my share.” I just feel terrible and a bit shocked about the whole thing now. I should have just offered to pay before the weekend.

Regardless of who puts it together, I've never heard of a bridal party asking the Bride to pay for anything!!! It's usually the BMs and maybe some family who pitch in so the bride doesn't have to pay for anything. The party/weekend is like a gift to her, just like the bridal shower.

And to not even tell you until after it was all over? So rude and wrong!!!

If they had talked to you about it first, or asked you if you could afford to pitch in, that might be different. But they totally blindsided you!! No way. Sorry.

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It sounds like these two planners are now having budget regret--they overspent, and are now trying to figure out how to recoup some of their losses. But they went about it all the wrong way. They never should have come to you for payment. They should have discussed it among the other BMs, and maybe everyone else pitches in a bit more to cover your share. Everything about this is so wrong!! But don't beat yourself up. You did nothing wrong, and have nothing to feel guilty about. If they had come to you before the weekend and said, hey can you pitch in for any of the expensive stuff we are planning? then it wouldn't be so awful. But they didn't. Now they will have to figure it out.