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Beginner November 2020

Bachelorette party: moh charging guests $500pp for our gift bags and house decorations?

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Angela, on January 26, 2021 at 2:26 AM

I’ve been to at least 20+ bachelorettes and I recently had my own so I feel well versed on what to expect... until now. I’m posting this bc I have no clue how to handle this or communicate with the MOH without hurting her feelings.
So we are doing a destination bachelorette party this year, 7 girls total paying for the place. We were told upfront it’ll be about $1kpp for the weekend which is usually correct bc of flights, food, transportation, etc. Well, we are getting closer and finding out that $1k is just the cost she’s asking for the house, gift bags, decorations, bride gift. Our Airbnb is $500pp so the other $500 is going towards our own gift bags which she said will be about $110pp and then the rest is decor for the house. She sent pictures and she’s buying like candle holders and other house decor for a house that’s already stunningly decorated. Then there is balloons, flowers she wants to buy. Then we have to get food/drinks on top of that. She hasn’t shared what she’s spent and on what but we all have to pay for it. A few of the other girls have already talked about bailing bc of costs.

Idk how to deal with this. She’s a super sweet girl and I don’t want to hurt her feelings by trying to reel her back and try to get a feel for the budget.

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32 Comments

June 2021
Dj Tanner · on January 26, 2021 at 9:53 PM
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These are your friends?! Wasn’t this supposed to be about someone getting married and you supporting their marriage? I’m sorry you’re going through this, but it sounds like your friends are being incredibly unreasonable. You could easily take that money and put it towards a trip with your own SO and have a romantic weekend. No wonder why the other girls want to bail. I will never understand how people treat their friends this way. Especially the people that they hold nearest and dearest to do them enough to have them stand by their side of the aisle. How is this making you feel now that they are treating you as if you’re overreacting?
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Beginner February 2021
Crystal · on January 26, 2021 at 11:01 PM
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Hi! I have been the maid of honor 3x and my #1 priority was always making sure everything was in a reasonable budget for everyone. taking into consideration jobs, kids & family. I think that is wayyyy to much to ask without details. I think you as the bride have every right to just tell her hey can we tone it down a bit because I really want everyone to come. honestly without you entire party there is what will make the entire trip kind of incomplete. having everyone there is more important than decorations. The main focus should be: everyone together, costs, food and fun. nobody even cares so much about decor. every one just wants to getaway and have fun with you! so having someone else make it impossible for them is kind of a bummer. you don't want any animosity the day of because their upset they missed out on the bachelorette. I hope this helps! don't feel bad, you chose her as your moh for a reason. she will and needs to understand.
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Beginner February 2021
Crystal · on January 26, 2021 at 11:08 PM
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That's extremely rude for her to not care that people are backing out because of the crazy costs!
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Beginner February 2021
Crystal · on January 26, 2021 at 11:10 PM
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Exactly! how bout all of them gift you the $500 for your wedding! that would be way more appreciated then it going to decor and a gift. which is crazy to charge someone for their own gift
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Devoted November 2021
Maureen · on January 28, 2021 at 6:10 PM
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WOW. Like someone else said, being considerate about spending should be the #1 priority for a MOH when things are split. That’s crazyyyy that she and the bride don’t see this! Nobody cares about decor! I only put a few decor pieces around the rental for my sisters Bach party and she had the time of her life! It’s only a weekend! I’m so sorry they’re acting like this.
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Dedicated March 2021
Brittany · on January 30, 2021 at 5:11 PM
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I wouldn’t mention names, but I would let her know she’s going overboard and that some of the girls can not afford all the excess. If she’s as nice as you say, she’ll understand and you could even offer to help her make adjustments if she has already bought some things.
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Savvy December 2020
Valerie · on January 30, 2021 at 5:19 PM
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If she is your MOH then hopefully you have been friends long enough to be real with each other. The prices are a little crazy and people cant afford a lot because traveling is already expensive. You need to talk to her and fast because this party may be a party of one with the way she is spending.
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Super February 2020
Karla · on January 30, 2021 at 6:34 PM
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I think some people have confused OP as the bride. I think she’s just a bridesmaid. She mentioned in the post that she recently had her own bachelorette and later in the comments that the MOH told the bride and the bride offered to pay for whatever she (OP) can’t pay.
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Dedicated July 2021
Private User · on January 30, 2021 at 6:45 PM
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I agree! If she thinks she might have to cover all of the cost of going overboard it might make her reconsider where she is spending the most of the money.
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VIP August 2021
Katie · on January 30, 2021 at 10:07 PM
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Seems like she turned out to be not as nice as you thought. I can't believe the bride doesn't see anything wrong. If I was you I'd do what the other bridesmaids are doing a drop out of the Bachelorette party. If everyone drops out it will just be the bride and MOH and maybe at that point they will both realize just how unreasonable they are.
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Savvy January 2022
Michelle · on January 31, 2021 at 8:26 AM
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I agree with previous comments. Speak up now or it may get worse. Maybe also volunteer helping finding more cost effective options? Maybe she’s overwhelmed and not doing in depth research to find cost effective options and just going with the first options she sees. I know it’s her role as MOH to plan this but sometimes they need help too. An honest conversation with her should definitely happen.
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Dedicated May 2023
Katie · on February 1, 2021 at 1:39 PM
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If I were the bride in this scenario and found out how much each of my girls was expected to pay for this party, I'd be mortified and trying to do whatever I could to rein in the cost. Is it possible that MOH told Bride but Bride doesn't know what the true amount is? If not, it sounds like Bride and/or MOH is simply taking advantage of everyone else's willingness to pay and they're going to be in for a rude awakening when multiple people drop out of the bachelorette and stick the remainder of the cost with everyone else.
I am sorry they reacted the way they did, but please know that you are not out of line and the amount of money you were expected to put up was ridiculous. I would seriously contemplate whether Bride has temporarily lost her mind or whether this is her typical MO - if she is willing to use those closest to her to subsidize lavish vacations, you may be better off without her in your life moving forward.
As for what you do now, I'd seriously contemplate either dropping out (though this may be a relationship-ender with the bride) or letting MOH know that you are opting out of all additional activities that will incur costs because you've hit your budget for this trip. Bride can decide whether she wants to pick up the slack for you and everyone else who can't shell out any additional money.
I consider myself incredibly lucky that all of the previous bachelorette parties I've been part of, Bride and MOH's #1 concern has been affordability for those involved.
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