Backup Officiant?

Can you hire a pro and have your friend do a reading? That way if she doesn’t make it, it won’t impact the ceremony taking place. I know you don’t want to hurt her feelings, but what if she doesn’t make it? The officiant is the only person, outside of the couple marrying, that absolutely needs to be there in order for the wedding to happen. I wouldn’t want to leave that to chance.

Yes, I agree with your fiance, and this is why you hire a pro. A pro will have a contingency plan in place for you. We didn't know our officiants before we hired them for our wedding, but 2 face-to-face meetings was all it took for them to deliver a very personalized and emotional ceremony script.

Agree with PP you should just have your friend do a reading, and hire a pro for the actual ceremony.

I would totally hire a back up. You can also ask one of your other friends to get "ordained" online just as a back up. It's super easy. Just pay the fee, and Voila! They're ordained too, and it wouldnt be a stranger if for some reason she cant do it due to weather.

I would hire a pro, and I sure wouldn’t feel worried about hurting her feelings, when she didn’t feel bad enough to not accept the trip after already committing to you, possibly missing your big day, adding stress on you, and definitely missing your rehearsal (which the officiant absolutely needs to be there for.) If you want to still extend a peace offering, I would do like suggested above and ask her to do a reading.

Hire the pro. Your friend didn't think anything of taking her vacation right up against your wedding and missing an important rehearsal so I wouldn't worry about hurt feelings.

I am also pro you need to hire a professional.

I’d probably hire a pro. We’re also considering having a family friend officiate, so I understand not wanting to go with a random vendor for that. But my officiant having overseas travel plans so close to my wedding would worry me. It doesn’t even have to be weather related, any number of things could happen. It just seems too risky. I wouldn’t worry about hurting her feelings - she’s the one that created the problem, not you.

That being said, I don’t know where you are but in my area (DC) it’s SUPER easy to get licensed to perform marriage ceremonies (you can even register to be a one-day officiant for like $50) and as a result there are TONS of officiants, many of whom do last minute bookings. So if your state is similarly lax, you would be able to figure something out if your friend gets stuck and can’t make it. You could have another friend ordained and ready to go as a backup, as a PP said. Having this problem the day before your wedding would not be fun though!

I would go with a pro. Especially if shes unable to make the rehersal. I'm notorious for travel delays and mishaps, so I know on my day to assume if it can go wrong.. it probably will in my case.
If you are worried about her feelings tell her how important it is to come to your wedding as a guest and enjoy her time at the wedding with you instead of officiating.

This is the MOST important vendor of your wedding. Hire someone else. Not just a backup, but someone to actually perform the service. This way you have peace of mind. I like the suggestion another PP said to have your friend perform a reading instead. This takes the pressure off both of you.

Hire a pro. So many people think they can just go online, get ordained and do a wedding. They, nor the couple getting married research if that is legal in their state. I wonder how many couples think they are married, but aren't.

I love the suggestion of a PP. Have a pro do the ceremony and your friend do a reading! Best of wishes!

I actually think hiring a professional officiant is one of the most important things to hire a professional for even without this scenario. There are so many things that could come up and professionals know how to prevent problems and adapt to any last minute issues that do arise.

Hire a pro - we had a friend become ordained to marry us and I feel, honestly, we dodged a huge bullet. He did not take it very seriously in terms of rehearsal, I wrote the script and luckily our wedding was so short it was a relief not to have too much to orchestrate.

I say we dodged a bullet as it could have gone wrong but it went great - we are married and it went smoothly. (Hubby asked him w/out asking me......I wanted to hire a pro.)

Thanks everyone! My head knew this was the right thing but I just don’t want to hurt her feelings or potentially damage the friendship. I dread having this conversation, but I know I have to. Really appreciate all of your responses.

Can you have another friend / family member as a backup? I agree totally that a backup is a good idea here. Getting ordained online is so easy and inexpensive. So if you have another friend or family member who would be willing to do it as a backup, you could totally do that.

We are having my Future Sister In-Law marry us, she is getting ordained online to do so. Personally I wouldn't want to hire a professional because I would rather have it be someone who knows us. If I was in your place and she may not be available, I would pay the $50 to have one of my friends get ordained and be our backup.

Hi Ladies! I had the conversation with my friend last night (was incredibly nervous). She completely understood and said she'd hate to be the cause of any additional stress for me. Whew! So glad that conversation is over and we have a call this week to book a potential officiant. Thanks so much for your advice!