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Kierstin
Savvy August 2020

Bad Bachelorette party... what do i do?

Kierstin, on November 8, 2020 at 11:58 PM Posted in Parties and Events 0 25
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My bachelorette party wasn’t even a party. My best friend (and MOH) was supposed to be planning it. She was telling me leading up to it how fun it was going to be, and I even gave her ideas on things that I enjoy and others would enjoy. On the day of the party, I woke up and she was already at my house. Her and another girl had already started “decorating” and I had to sit on my stairs until they were done. One of my bridesmaids didn’t show up at first, so we all decided to get lunch. They asked me where I wanted to go and I picked Buffalo Wild Wings.


Once we got there, we ordered and got our drinks. We ate and the bridesmaid we were waiting on finally arrived without anything she was supposed to bring. When the server asked how our checked were divided, nobody bothered to pay for me (which I feel should’ve been done because I would do it for any of my girls). We paid, and left.
Once we got back to my house, I sat on my stairs for another three hours waiting for the late bridesmaid to show up with the rest of the “decorations.” When I finally got to come downstairs, I was met with male genitalia toothpicks taped to my wall, and straws of the same shape. There was some snacks, but not much.
I waited around to see what was planned, but nothing came. We played one game and listened to music at the table. Eventually we decided it was time for dinner and everyone voted on Pizza Hut because I got a discount for working there.
All of this while my husband’s party took him to lunch on a boat, shooting, and to a five star steakhouse for dinner where they paid for his food.
I feel hurt and mad. I wanted to blow up, but I cried in my room instead. Should I get over it? How should I react to this. I don’t feel like anyone cared about how it went.

25 Comments

Latest activity by Kimberly, on November 14, 2020 at 9:19 PM
  • Nicole
    Master September 2020
    Nicole ·
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    I’m sorry your party didn’t meet your expectations. You disappointment in that is valid. However, I do think you need to figure out a way to let it go. While it didn’t live up to your expectations, your friends took the time to do something for you, while we’re in the middle of a pandemic. There are many brides who did not even get that experience with their friends due to COVID restrictions. I would also try not to compare it to your FH’s party; as they say, comparison is the thief of joy. I would try to focus on the fact that you got to hang out with your friends, which is ultimately what a bachelorette is all about.
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  • Karla
    Super February 2020
    Karla ·
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    Do you know how your bridesmaids are financially doing? Maybe they weren’t able to do anything very expensive or even swing to pay for your portion of the meal.


    How much is your wedding going to cost them?

    I can see how this experience must have been disappointing, but as a PP mentioned, we’re in the middle of a pandemic so people are struggling financially and many brides haven’t even been able to have a bachelorette or even a wedding.
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  • Kierstin
    Savvy August 2020
    Kierstin ·
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    Thank you for commenting. It is something I didn’t really think about. All of my bridesmaids work full time and live with their parents. It was a matter of not saving. My MOH had bought $300 worth of clothes the week before that she showed me. I understand how hard the pandemic has been for everyone, and I paid for most things that we did together before that (going out to eat, etc.). I even offered to chip in for their dresses to help them out and nobody took the offer (nor did I make them pay for new shoes, makeup, hair, or nails).


    I was lucky to have a party. I feel so bad for the brides and grooms that had to postpone their wedding. I guess my expectations were based on what my MOH was telling me she was planning, and none of it happened. I know they didn’t mean to hurt my feelings, so the party wasn’t on purpose.
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  • Kierstin
    Savvy August 2020
    Kierstin ·
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    Thank you!
    I guess what made me so upset was how much my MOH was hyping it up and making it sound so awesome. The entire time she was making excuses like “oh it’s because we’re not all 21,” and “wow I wish I had more money” even though she spends a lot of money on clothes and shoes almost daily. It is her money, to be fair. I should be appreciative of what they did do.

    I appreciate the response. It’s helpful!
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Your friends do not know how to plan a party, or handle a long day and evening thing - they should have planned a couple of hours really well and been done with it. I sorry things fell flat. But there is nothing you can do about it. You will look around and see others with nicer parties/ more organized friends, like FI. But a lot of people do not get any shower, or bachelorette, because they have no one, or because no one volunteers to do it. In the end , other people spend their money as they want to. Bit I have a feeling that living home with family, never having done much to organize a party or anything else, your friends are mostly inept and disorganized, with good intentions but no planning or organizing skills. Don't let them plan anything for the wedding!!! Did you have a shower, or a brides luncheon?
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  • Michelle
    Master April 2021
    Michelle ·
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    So many good & valid points here! Glad your seeing both sides. Are you having a shower of any other type? Rehearsal dinner?
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  • Erin
    Expert May 2021
    Erin ·
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    I would be LIVID with their choice of “decor”, like seriously??? That is tacky and gross especially if under 21!!!
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    Yeah, you should get over it. Your friends did what they could. They’re not responsible for paying for your lunch or competing with your husband’s bachelor party. Be grateful for what you got.
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  • Kierstin
    Savvy August 2020
    Kierstin ·
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    I did have a bridal shower planned by my grandma in law and my two aunt in laws. It was a lot of fun!
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  • Kierstin
    Savvy August 2020
    Kierstin ·
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    My sister (who is 16) was so uncomfortable!
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  • Kierstin
    Savvy August 2020
    Kierstin ·
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    We had both 🙂
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  • KYLIE
    Super May 2019
    KYLIE ·
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    Aw, I'm sorry. It is super super normal to be disappointed. I would be, too! No, no one "owes" anyone a great bachelorette, but it's totally human to have certain expectations, especially when your MoH was hyping up the day. It's not hard to plan a few activities that are appropriate for all ages, or even plan a few things that included your sister and then an "adults" activity at a bar or home with drinking games.

    One of the biggest lessons I learned after my wedding was that just because I tried to be the most accommodating, generous bride possible did not mean people were going to pay me back in kind when it was their turn. Some people are going to let you down—it's normal to feel disappointed, but most healthy to try to accept the situation and move on as quickly as you can.

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  • Kierstin
    Savvy August 2020
    Kierstin ·
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    Thank you! This is really helpful!
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  • Cassidy
    VIP October 2017
    Cassidy ·
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    You are not going to like my answer.

    As bridesmaids the only thing they should be expected to spend money on is to buy the dress and to come to the wedding and help you on your wedding day.

    I am sorry you are disappointed and I do wish that one of your friends would have paid for you, that would've been the right thing to do. There is no rule that says your friends have to plan your bachelorette party. I made my own plans for my bachelorette party and we had a great time. There were 4 of us. There is no reason that things have to be a done a certain way because they always HAVE been. You could've always booked something and said, "Hey I booked a restaurant at [restaurant name} and then I booked a [fun activity] I would like you al to be there to celebrate my bachelorette party."

    But to be fair, it is a pandemic, so it may be you can just have a new bachelorette party after covid. It's really just girl time with your friends. There's no reason you can't have another bachelorette party after your wedding even if it is just "a girl's night or weekend."

    There are no real "rules" you have to follow in your wedding unless you want to follow them.

    They did go out of their way to provide something nice for you and here you are saying “I don’t think they did enough for me," kind of seems ungrateful.

    Whether you like it or not, the right thing to do here is if someone does something for you or gives you a gift and you don't like it, you grin and bear it and say "thank you," not "I don't like it."

    Remember that just because YOUR whole life revolves around your wedding, doesn't mean everyone else's does.


    I am not trying to be mean here, but I want to put this into perspective here for you. Life is not always like Pinterest and movies depict it to be.

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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
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    I don't mean this in a bad way or to be insulting, but it sounds like your wedding party is quite young? Is it possible they just didn't really have much experience with bachelorette parties (and possibly with planning many parties of any type) and did the best they could? A long time ago, I was a MOH when I was 20 yrs old and in college. Honestly, I had NO idea what I was doing and had no money. Bachelorettes weren't really a thing then, so all I planned/hosted was a bridal shower. It was pretty lowkey with homemade cookies and punch, games, etc. Looking back, it was probably more than a little bit of a disappointment to the bride, but I truly did the best I could at the time. The good news is your friends showed up and tried to do something to celebrate you. It might not have been what you envisioned, but it's best all around if you thank them for their efforts and let your disappointment go. Good luck!

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    You had a great shower, FI had a great bachelor party. Not so bad, hmm? I am 39. When I first married, before the TV shows on bachelors etc, bachelorettes were pretty much only for those who preferred not to have, or had no one to give, a shower. Essentially , you got a party, ( bridal shower, bridal luncheon or social ( no gifts) or a bachelorette), and groom got a party. And the groom got no gifts, some gifts being specifically for the bride, though others for the home. From at least WWII to not long ago, my first marriage, the only time someone had more than one party was if a shower was divided up by area, or families, or group doing it, family at one, friends at another.
    Forgive your friends, but the next Christmas, birthday, whatever get each of them an old fashioned etiquette, or how to entertain ( parties, as well as making friends in a new community, in a family oriented company.) book.
    One like a cookbook, to learn to do each thing, as well as social manners involved. 😝 Your friends will leave home one day. Imagine how they would do planning their own weddings?
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  • Karla
    Super February 2020
    Karla ·
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    I’m sorry, but I disagree.


    Giving your friends books on etiquette for Christmas/birthdays sound super rude to me, and a good way to offend someone you “love” and “care” for. There are ways to go about this than being passive aggressive about it.
    Imagine how they would do planning their own weddings? Oh, I don’t know... hopefully if they have a friend who has planned a wedding (like OP, assuming her wedding date would have passed by then) and wants the best for their big day, they can turn to that person for advice. People learn through experience and others. No one was born knowing the etiquettes of hosting events or dinner parties.
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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    It's reasonable to be privately disappointed when people don't live up to your expectations. But as for what you should do now? There is only one answer: learn to move past it. Nothing good can come from bringing it up with your friends after the fact. It's not like they can try to do better at your next wedding. Also, it would be a good idea not to scrutinize your friends' spending and compare that to what they *should* have spent on you.

    And going forward, you now know none of them are good party planners. It doesn't seem that any of their poor planning was due to malice, just inexperience/lack of skills.

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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I think it is time to move on. While, you have every right to be disappointed it has been several months so holding o to these feelings aren't helpful. Also, with Covid maybe their plans had to change. They also might not have had a ton of ideas of you could or would want to do with a 16 year old. Feel your feelings, but move on.
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  • Kierstin
    Savvy August 2020
    Kierstin ·
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    I wasn’t expecting any expensive, I was expected what my MOH was telling me she was going to do like I said above. She talked about the party every time we were together and the things she could plan. She even said something about renting a limo. Had she not fed my brain with all of these ideas, I don’t think I would’ve been so disappointed. I would’ve planned my own if my MOH hadn’t said she wanted to plan it. I guess I should’ve taken the reins when all my bridesmaids came to me and said she hadn’t planned anything yet and what the plans are. I mentioned it to my MOH and she said “oh I totally got this, don’t worry about it.”
    Sorry if I came off as a spoiled brat, but it was all out of what my friends were feeding to me and raising my expectation bar for the party. I didn’t even want them to plan it.
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