Being a Trans Bridesmaid

Honestly the biggest thing people would notice is a dress on you, now a days a lot of people have "men-maids" or whatever when people unapproving wouldn't notice, if you feel very uncomfortable in the dress infront of people what about a bedazzled suit?! I don't know if that would be too much for the bride or maybe a pink or a colar that works for her but in a suit to make you feel more comfortable in one?! I am very approving and would LOVE to see a trans man or woman be in a wedding without problems. I think it depends on their family whether they would stare or care or say anything during, after or secretly to others. I just want to say I'm very proud that she offered, you excepted and that you get to enjoy her special day with her! You can also take some pills that could help with the nerves that day!

I wouldn't think twice about it. I know a couple of people who have transitioned and even before they had made that decision, they dressed as "female". Maybe its just because I've been around it, but it wouldn't be distracting for me. I love that they are letting you decide the day of how you want to dress but you need to make the decision based on your comfort. I think I would be much more distracted by someone who is visibly uncomfortable in their get up then someone who might "not look part".

You could also ask them how their family might react to it if you are really concerned about the crowds reaction. I know some in my family would do a double take but would never say anything and FH's family wouldn't think anything of it.

It sounds like you have an amazing, and very supportive friend! It honestly sounds like she loves you and wants you to stand up with her on her big day! If she wasn’t 100% sure on having you next to her, she wouldn’t have asked you.

As a bride, what matters to me isn’t that everyone next to me looks perfect, it’s that they feel they are beautiful in what they are wearing! I think you should wear what you feel comfortable wearing, if that means getting 2 outfits and deciding the morning of then that’s totally fine! That being said I don’t think you should worry about what guests think!

I would be in full support of my bridesmaid on whatever decision she made that day. I know if I was your friend in this situation, I would be bummed a little if you had decided to step down the morning of, but I would definitely accept your decision. As a guest, I would think it was not my place to pass any judgement on anything and to just gush at how beautiful the bride is in her dress. If you want to wear something that makes you comfortable and still be a part of the day you should (as long as it is within the color scheme picked out by your friend). The thoughts of "everyone will look at me" goes through all of our heads at some point or another and we are our own biggest critics. The guests should be there to love and support the bride and groom, and if anyone says anything about your body build then that just says more about them than anything else. I know it can take a lot of strength to work through anxiety about how we look, but I might help to remind yourself that this day should have very little focus on you and more on your friend and her soon to be husband as far as other people are concerned.

I didn’t choose my bridesmaids for pictures, I chose them because they were my dearest friends and I couldn’t possibly imagine my day without them by my side. Their outfits didn’t matter, our relationship did. If they came up to me and said they’d rather wear sweatpants, so be it. If they preferred to sit in the front row, so be it. But, I’d still request they be in my pictures, because what I wanted out of pictures was memories of me and my amazing best friends — sweatpants and all!

As a guest, I wouldn’t even think twice about it. I know as a bride, it was very important to me that all of my bridesmaids feel comfortable in what they are wearing. I’m glad your friend feels the same way!
Honestly, there will always be those people who are judgmental and will give weird looks, but what matters is if you are comfortable.

Honestly in this day and age if people have an issue with you that's their problem!!

You rock it girl!! While we are not in the same position I have two bridesmaids who are self conscious about their weight and nervous about standing in front of so many people, and what I have tried to stress this whole time is making them feel BEAUTIFUL!! Sure its technically the bride and grooms day but it is, in a way, your day too and your time to shine and feel like the gorgeous soul you are!! Since my bridesmaids are bigger I have told them if they don't want to wear a dress they don't have to, I just care that their up there with me and not so much what they are wearing weather it be a dress, pant suit, or even a romper.

Just remember that you, your soul and your personality are beautiful and I grantee that other people will be able to see that!

Inhaveva friend that is transwoman. she wears dresses sometimes and pants sometimes. If you are uncomfortable the day of could you wear a pantsuit the same color as the rest of the bridesmaids? As a guest I wouldn't have an opinion one way or another. She asked you to be a bridesmaid because she loves you. You will look fabulous either way.

I really think it depends on her guests she sounds like an amazing friend and she must come from a supportive family so it should be ok but even if it’s not and her guests judge (which they shouldn’t) you shouldn’t be ashamed let them talk!! Don’t worry about them worry about being there for your friend and having the time of your life!!

My partner and I think my sister’s partner are both going to wear clothes from Kirrin Finch. They have awesome androgynous and masculine formal wear for female, enby, and trans male bodies (through size 24 I think?). Also my sister wants to wear a dress but doesn’t want it to look feminine, so all traditional bridesmaid dresses are out. She knows our wedding colors and is going to pick out something she feels comfortable in and it will still look great with everything else going on. She likes ASOS for non traditional dresses. I think someone looking uncomfortable and unhappy would stand out more than different attire. Good luck!

I am afraid that my advice is only a platitude. I think that your friend loves you more than clothes. I encourage you to try the dress. Bridesmaids often have some problems with their dresses. Get yours early enough to have it tailored to fit better.

One of my

Accidentally submitted before I finished typing...


One friend is coming to my wedding in jeans because she is uncomfortable in dress clothes. She and her partner will probably be the only ones in jeans. I don't care. I want my friend there.

I still assume that your friend, like me loves you, her friend, more than clothes. I encourage you to try the dress, and try to have fun with her, instead of worrying about what others will think. If your comfort level says suit, that is also ok. Have fun and celebrate with your friend!

I had a bridesmaid who was transgender for my first wedding. We discussed dress style before deciding on a dresssp everyone felt comfortable in it. She was beautiful and didn’t distract from anything. She was not treated poorly or anything else (I’d have lost it if someone had). Be sure YOU feel comfortable in what you wear and don’t worry about the crowd.

Rylie,

Oh honey, that post hurt my heart because I lived there for so so long. (I'm a transguy who also happens to be short and overweight)

It appears that the bride and her fiance love you for you. ALL of you. You were worthy of that love and attention before you started transitioning, and you sure as hell are worthy of it while you are in the middle of transitioning!

I'd also like to try to help by offering you some advice. Transitioning is a journey, not a destination. You will build and mold yourself a million times along the way. I challenge you to celebrate EACH step, not just the "final destination". celebrate the woman that you are right now, not just the woman who you want to be.

As for what to do for the wedding? My suggestion is embrace it. All of it. Wear the clothes that make you feel special and beautiful. Embrace the love and support from your friends.

If you were coming to my wedding, I could easily say that the best gift that you could give would be to live authentically. Live audaciously. Live un-apologetically. No one else at the wedding will be apologizing for taking up space in the world. Neither should you.

Sending love, light and lotsa sparkles!

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This..... all of this!

Tbear could not have given better advice!