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Just Said Yes June 2022

Being fired from close friend/family members wedding

Kadee, on March 17, 2021 at 12:04 PM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 0 24

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So I had been best friends with R for the past 5 or so years; she's my brother in laws girlfriend. My husband and I are high school sweethearts and got married young so we couldn't afford a big wedding, so we just had an intimate little wedding with family. Even though we didn't have a big thing, we still had a bridal party and groomsmen. She was of course my maid of honor because she was my best friend. Fast forward three years and I'm helping my brother in law plan the engagement to make sure all of the photos are set up and video will be taken (also making sure she dressed up and looked nice because I know she would've been salty if she hadn't). Any hoot, once they were engaged I knew I wouldn't be the maid of honor because she has a twin sister and I was totally fine with that. However my husband and I are super private people and i have a bit of anxiety when it comes to big events. So as soon as they were engaged we asked them if it would be okay if we left the ceremony walking together. They said that it would be no problem and that it didn't matter anyways because we were leaving. Welp, that didn't last long, a week later I got a text saying that they no longer wanted to do that because traditionally the maid of honor walks with the best man. (Which keep in mind she has two maid of honors and he would only be walking with one so she clearly didn't care too much about tradition). I asked my husband if he was okay with that and he said no, so I sent a huge paragraph about how we just really aren't comfortable doing so that's why we talked to them before we agreed to anything. She replied with wow and that was it, I just got radio silence after that. Then my brother in law stopped talking to us both and then they both were just being rude all of the time. I finally got a text saying that if we weren't going to do it then we wont be in the wedding. I replied saying we weren't trying to be rude and we dont want to cause a huge fight and ruin relationships over this. So we talked again and decided that we would just walk it the way they wanted us to. Everything was going fine and then my brother in law comes in and asks to talk to us. He asked my husband if he was still going to be the best man and he said yes. Then he tells me that I'm no longer a bridesmaid and that I will just be walking our son down the aisle (our son wont even be one by the wedding). I was baffled and hurt, it turns out that as soon as we said we didn't feel comfortable with it that she went and asked someone else but she didn't say anything because she wanted my husband to be the best man (the second option would take them to a strip club and she doesnt want that obvi.) So now I dont know how to feel, I'm still being involved and helping with everything because I was so excited for them. But I'm still hurt and cant really talk to anyone about it.

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Latest activity by MK, on March 20, 2021 at 8:18 AM

Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on March 17, 2021 at 12:23 PM
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Im curious why your husband wants to continue to be best man for a couple who has disrespected you both as a couple and individually. He isn't chained to the role. Either attend the wedding as guests or don't go since they only care about themselves if they randomly quit speaking to you and treat you as it's your fault when they do. You are better off without these people even if they are related.
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Expert September 2020
Amanda · on March 17, 2021 at 12:23 PM
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It sounds like you made a bigger deal of something than it needed to be, especially so early on. If you’re not able to commit to being in the wedding without walking down the aisle with your husband, that’s concerning about what other demands would arise once wedding planning truly commences. I think she jumped the gun on inviting someone else, but i would have been annoyed and hurt if I was her.
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Expert September 2022
Courtney · on March 17, 2021 at 12:36 PM
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I get having social anxiety, but it's 5 maybe 10 minutes of time where you'd have to walk with someone else. Personally I think you were a little out of line to ask that of the bride. However, their response to you is no less tolerable.
Going from 0 to 100 in deciding that you were no longer welcome as a member of the wedding party is extreme, and I agree with Michelle that it may be best for you both to remove yourselves from the wedding party and only attend as guests at this point. But it sounds like this is your SOs brother getting married, and stepping down as best man will have long lasting consequences.
At this point I think you need to talk to the bride and let her know that you're hurt by the immediate decision to remove you, and that you would have liked a chance to talk more in person about your challenges. I would also concede that if she'd still have you, you're willing to walk with someone else.
It's literally walking down the aisle (maybe, some brides have everyone enter separately), coming back up, and possibly a grand entrance. It really is such a short time frame that you need to get over yourself on that aspect.
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Super June 2021
Elizabeth · on March 17, 2021 at 12:46 PM
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First, I do think your request was unreasonable.

But second, if you got kicked out and the bride didn't even have the decency to discuss it with you, your SO needs to step down too. I know its his brother, but you are his truest family as a married couple, and you were disrespected and embarrassed. He should step down gracefully.
I got kicked out of a bridal party once, and my siblings stepped down too, and my whole family declined the wedding invitation. I think the bride was very clearly in the wrong in my situation (though she and her family don't think so), but being kicked out was such an insult that it ended her relationship with me and my whole family.
Kicking people out of your bridal party is a relationship ending move. Only the bride can make this right. SO should step down
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VIP January 2019
Maggie · on March 17, 2021 at 12:50 PM
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I agree with this.
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Rockstar July 2022
Lisa Online · on March 17, 2021 at 1:01 PM
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I agree with the above comments. I do think that you walking down the aisle with someone else wouldn't have been a huge deal. You were certainly OK to ask them if you and your husband could walk together, but it was also OK of them to say no to that request, since it is their wedding. I understand her being irritated about you being hesitant to walk with anyone else, though you did ultimately agree, so it seems like the problem should have ended there.

However, they quickly replaced you without calming down and trying to talk things over first. This seems like a minor issue that somehow exploded into a major issue. I also think it was rude that your friend didn't tell you herself that she was removing you from the wedding party (or even try to talk things out with you first), but instead sent someone else to say that. I would try talking to her one more time to try to work things out. If that doesn't go well, it's totally up to you as to whether you want to participate by walking your son down the aisle as they are requesting, attend as a guest, or even not attend the wedding at all. You and your husband should decide together where to go from here.
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Expert November 2021
Sara · on March 17, 2021 at 1:19 PM
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I agree with this as well!
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Expert October 2021
Samantha · on March 17, 2021 at 1:24 PM
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If I understand correctly, the Bride sent her FH (BIL) to your Husband to make sure that he is still on board because she doesn't want BIL to go to a strip club. In reality they don't care if you are both part of the wedding party. I agree though that the 1 minute that you walk back down the aisle was made into a mountain. You would have been standing apart for much longer during the ceremony. Attend as guests.
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VIP September 2020
Willow · on March 17, 2021 at 1:35 PM
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Your request wasn't the most reasonable, but the couple is way out of line. Why are you the only one being kicked out when your husband was the one who initially refused to walk with someone else?

The whole purpose of being an attendant is to wear the right outfit, walk down the aisle, stand next to the couple. You weren't asked to walk alone, or speak in public.
When you initially asked if you could walk with your husband, I think it was an ok thing to ask, as long as it was a no pressure request and you were fully prepared to accept a no. You and your husband crossed the line when you dug your heels in and refused to walk with someone else. You don't get to dictate that. Then you and your husband agreed to walk the way they wanted you to walk in the first place (after some back and forth), and that should have been the end of that.
You shouldn't have pushed back after the first no, and the couple clearly harbored some resentment and doubt. You were both in the wrong, but the couple handled this more poorly than you did. They could have calmly invited you BOTH to attend as guests for the sake of your own comfort. They're acting punitive or trying to nip this in the bud because they don't trust you to not bring up the walking arrangement again.
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June 2021
Dj Tanner · on March 17, 2021 at 1:43 PM
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It’s interesting to read others responses and perspective on this. I however don’t think you were being unreasonable for asking. You are married and I feel married couples should walk together. To me personally it’s very awkward to see someone else his wife walking down the aisle with someone else even though their husband will be in the wedding party. I feel like this is a very personal thing, but it’s amazing that this is what set off the madness. Was there anything else that happened that you can think of?
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Devoted October 2021
Chantelle · on March 17, 2021 at 1:57 PM
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Hi I do not think you were unreasonable for asking. You asked your request at the beginning and they initially said it was fine. Then they changed their minds after everyone already agreed. Even if it was my wedding or my special day, I am not someone to go back on my word. The wedding party members are supposed to be guests of honor, so even if they are there to help/support the couple, their feelings and concerns should weigh more to the wedding couple. I am so sorry they treated you this way. Definitely was made into a much bigger issue than it should have been. I think you and your husband should attend as guests. Good luck!
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Devoted May 2022
Tory · on March 17, 2021 at 2:13 PM
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I totally agree with this too. I’m struggling to understand why walking with someone else down the aisle would’ve been an issue, but nonetheless I don’t think you should have been removed from the party so quickly, and it’s pretty messed up to still include your husband in the groom’s party but have her cut you out of her bridal party
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Champion July 2019
Veronica · on March 17, 2021 at 2:41 PM
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I think both parties were in the wrong. As a bridesmaid and best man, there are a few things you are agreeing to. One of which is to walk down the aisle, up the aisle and into the reception (if they have a grand entrance) with the person the couple asks you to walk with. Since you already knew you weren't going to be matron of honor and your husband was going to be best man it should've been obvious that you weren't going to be paired with him for the processional, recessional, or grand entrance. The best man is typically paired with the maid/matron of honor. In this case there are two maid of honors so the best man would walk with one and the first groomsman in the line up would walk with the other. As a bridesmaid, you'd walk with one of the groomsmen in the line up. It wasn't your or your husband's place to dictate who you walked with as you were basically asking the bride and groom to change their line up to suit your preferences. If you were both uncomfortable walking with someone else then you should've declined being in the wedding. Personally, I think you overreacted to walking with someone else for such a sort period of time.
However, I also think the bride was wrong for removing you from the wedding and replacing you. If she was that bothered by your request, which I understand why she was because I wouldn't want someone telling me who they were walking with at my wedding, then she should've spoke with you about it. If she had then maybe you could explained your position. As for your husband, it sounds like he is being put in a very difficult position where he's being basically forced to pick between his wife and brother which really isn't fair to him. The question is does he still want to be in the wedding? If he does then I would try to not let this situation come between you and his family as hard as that might be.
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NewEnglandSettler · on March 17, 2021 at 2:46 PM
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I can see why you feel hurt but I'd just big picture it. You are all going to be family and hopefully will be in each others' lives for decades to come - sharing motherhood, inlaws, vacations, heartache, loss etc.... Misunderstandings and hurt feelings will happen again and that's normal. We all make mistakes.
If I were in your shoes, although hurt by this - I would let it go and enthusiastically proceed. Maybe try to get a bow tie for your son that matches his Dad's or something like that? This will blow over and hopefully mean very little in the long run.
Good luck.
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VIP May 2022
Ava · on March 17, 2021 at 5:20 PM
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I agree. I would consider yourself lucky being out from under this unreasonable bride’s rule, and be happy you get to attend as a guest. Since your husband is the groom’s brother, I wouldn’t demand he give up the best man role, as it could cause needless drama and damage to family relationships. Plus it doesn’t sound as though any of this ridiculous behavior has been your BIL’s doing, it sounds like it’s his fiancé’s. Walking your son down the aisle sounds like a bigger honor than walking down the aisle as a BM. And you’ll get adorable pictures of you and your son!
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Just Said Yes June 2022
Kadee · on March 17, 2021 at 6:39 PM
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First I'd like to say thank you for all of the comments and advice! But finally someone who understands exactly where I'm coming from, I guess I misspoke whenever I used the word anxiety, after reading this, it describes our feelings perfectly! It makes me so happy and relieved that theres someone else that understands how we feel and isn't trying to belittle that. Just because people think it's weird how we feel, does not invalidate them.
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Just Said Yes June 2022
Kadee · on March 17, 2021 at 7:02 PM
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Just now realized that I didn't reply to your actual question, no nothing else happened. It was just the walking down the aisle.
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June 2021
Dj Tanner · on March 17, 2021 at 7:21 PM
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Wow, then I guess you’d have to ask yourself if these are really true friends or not. I respect everyone’s opinion but to add to what I was saying earlier, we see so many posts on here talking about how your wedding party is not props for your wedding day. Which is 100% correct, so it’s odd to me to see that many people think that you should just get over it and take another guy’s hand and walk with him down the aisle. If I knew you were married and I was attending the wedding, I would just get such a fake sense of the whole wedding. It would obviously be different if your husband was not in the wedding party, but he is! I’m not even sure how your friends got to the logical conclusion that you wouldn’t be walking down with him in the first place. I would’ve just thought that that was inevitable.
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Devoted July 2023
Scandalousrandallous · on March 17, 2021 at 7:26 PM
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At a close friendʻs wedding, the MOH and best man entered the ceremony together, and then the bride coupled up the significant others for entering the reception for the DJ to announce them together.
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Just Said Yes June 2022
Kadee · on March 17, 2021 at 7:45 PM
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Thank you! I completely agree, I dont see how a wedding means you can just be a dictator and expect your friends to do what you want when you want it done. I've seen so many friendships ruined by this and I never thought it would happen to me. What's sad though is that everytime I try to talk to her about it she just says it's her day and that it would look bad for the videos. And what's even worst is that she has SUPER bad anxiety and is afraid of literally everything. We cater every vacation and trip around her and have never made her do anything she felt uncomfortable with or made her feel bad because of it. As sad as it is I think I'll just have to end the friendship completely, I just dont think true friends would act that way.
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Being fired from close friend/family members wedding

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