Best friend had to choose between weddings, didn’t chose mine

I agree with this! I would only change my date for certain people, so I think this topic requires a little bit of sitting with the question and doing some soul-searching!

I can relate to this. Our wedding was supposed to be last year but got moved due to Covid (we legally married on our original date, as my mom was diagnosed with cancer right before and we were worried she wouldn't make it to this year). I had originally asked my childhood best friend to be my MOH. Two other friends I am really close to and would have asked to be bridesmaids couldn't come (one was graduating/getting married around the same time on the opposite coast, other was pregnant and due the week before), so I just accepted it and decided I would have just my bestie as my only bridesmaid. She is now pregnant and due the week before our wedding, and when she found out she was pregnant and subsequently found out the due date, she didn't even acknowledge this conflict at all, which was hurtful. I finally had to say "so you won't be at my wedding" and she was just like "sorry" and that was it.

Fast forward to this year. A friend at work and I have grown very close and she's been 100% supportive about all of my wedding stuff and called when my mom had surgery and has just been a top notch friend. We confirm our wedding date can actually happen (was on the fence due to Covid) and I'm about to ask her if she'd be in our wedding and she tells me that she already committed to a different co-worker's wedding the same day and is so upset she can't come to ours. She had already RSVP'd yes before we confirmed our date and doesn't feel like she can back out. I'm heartbroken. I think we both are and we both cry about it. In her shoes, I would do the exact same thing, but I feel like our wedding is more intimate (the other wedding has 2-3x the number of guests ours does), we are being really intentional about who we invite, and I really wanted her to be by my side. She's just a friend of this other couple, but she already told them yes. I just feel really alone and like I have no one, and now I feel like I can't even talk about it with her because I don't want her to feel guilty at all, so I feel like I lost both this person I really wanted at my wedding and my confidant who I can talk to about it. I feel like I lost the two female friends I feel closest to and my wedding will feel really lonely without them, especially getting ready and doing all the day-of prep stuff. I don't have the heart to ask anyone else to step in if these two can't.

I am sorry this happened to you. I do feel like the bridesmaid was put in a difficult spot. I understand her wanting to take on the bigger role for a friend she is supposedly closer to (that's selfishly kind of what I want my friend to do) but I also respect my friend, who is in a similar boat, for doing the opposite and honoring the commitment she made first. I'm not at all angry at my friend, I just feel so sad.

If you remove the order in which these events happened, I do think it makes sense for your bridesmaid to prioritize the friend she feels closer to (unfortunately, it isn't always reciprocal) and the wedding in which she'd have a bigger role. It sounds like you have a different MOH and other bridesmaids, so I wonder if this is just something you accept and move on from. I wouldn't change my wedding date to accomodate one person, especially if its not a top VIP (seems like the date works well for a lot of other people, including your MOH, best man, and others who I assume are more of a priority over this bridesmaid); if you move the date just for her you are essentially saying her being there is potentially more important than inconveniencing all of these other guests who are likely just as important to you. It's highly unlikely you will find a date that works for every guest.

I would not change the date. i mean that sucks and i for sure would feel disappointed if my bff backed out but at the end of the day if most other people i wanted also can come, then it is what it is.

Oh I can totally relate to this! We just found out a few weeks ago that my FH's sister is pregnant and due the day before our wedding, so she will not be at our wedding and I was DEVASTATED by it. His family is really close and this one particular sister had done a lot to make sure I felt welcomed into the family, and I'm so sad she won't be there. But I don't think you should change your date for one person, unless you really can't see yourself getting married without her there. Keep in mind that there will always be someone who can't make your day, so if you choose a different day someone else may not be able to make it that you really want there. I would, as other suggested, discuss it with her and tell her how you feel. Also, keep inviting her to your wedding events so she can partake in some other way with you! She was put in a really tough spot and made her decision and unfortunately it didn't benefit you, but at the same time...put yourself in her shoes and try to imagine how she's feeling about all of this as well (if you haven't already). Keep your head up!