Best friend is another maid of honor the same year we plan on getting married!

When is the other wedding compared to yours, are they less than 30 days apart? What all do you "expect" your MOH to do? How would it affect you as a bride?

But if she's your friend just ask and talk to her. She's a big girl that will say no if she doesn't have the time or money to be in a wedding. "Hey friend, I know you have a wedding coming up in XXX, I'd still be so honored to have you right by my side for my big day."

View Quoted Comment The dates are a week apart!

View Quoted Comment Normally maid of honor dutys include being there for dress shopping, bridal shower, bachelorette and just overall a moral support, but can she do that being four hours away considering she always cancels on me for a lunch date if shes local and i mean (20minutes away considering her family lives near me)

View Quoted Comment Sounds like you hold some resentment in this relationship. Why do you even want her as MOH if you have all these doubts. MOH don't have to do any of those things, their only responsibility is to show up in the dress and support you.


A week is very close together, I would just invite her as a guest.

I agree with Alyssa, it sounds like you're trying to talk yourself into asking her (meaning you don't really want to because of resentment - regarding the cancelled plans), which if you have doubts don't ask. Also if your date on here is correct, your wedding isn't till Oct 2024 and a lot can change before that, I'd wait till about 8-9 months out to ask anyone.

In terms of her being able to financially and feasibly do both, the only person who can answer that is her.

Actually MOH has no duties. It's your chance to honour her role in your life. If you want her as your MOH, then ask her, but manage your expectations of what she's supposed to "pull through" to do. She really only needs to get the dress and be there on the day of the wedding.

You're not getting married until 2024, so you'll have lots of time to see what happens. I would advise if you're unsure then wait until early 2024 to ask her. Asking too early might come back to bite you if the friendship takes a turn. For now, treat the issue with her as a friend problem vs a wedding problem.

I would reevaluate the decision and think of people I’m more in touch with now.

Sounds like your friendship with her is waning. You may have been “best friends since before birth”, but your actual relationship has been iffy (for years?). Since you have plenty of time before you should be asking anyone to be in your wedding party, I would spend the next 6 months evaluating your real, existing friendship with her. How much do you actually see each other/spend time together/communicate? Be care not to see it through the lens of what used to be.

If she is still your real, true best friend, then none of the other details (where she lives, her finances, that other wedding) will really matter. Plenty of people have busy wedding party members who live far away. And you control how much money she will have to spend so it can easily be affordable.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much! Very right i love your response! I am def gonna eval our friendship for awhile just because we arent getting married till 2024! Plus some people do pull thrpugh for big events like this so you never know we will see.

My best friend is extremely emotionally unavailable. She has a ton going on with her family and her career and personal stuff. She’s constantly talking about how stressed she is and how it’s so annoying that she has to attend her cousins wedding or attend someone’s bridal shower. She has been like this for years, before I ever met my now husband and before I go engaged. For these reasons I didn’t ask her to be in my wedding party even though she is my dearest friend. We are there for each other in other ways. She helps me when I’m having a crisis and vice versa. We’re there for each orher when something funny happens And we share it with eachother. However, I didn’t share much with her about my wedding because I knew it triggered her and stressed her out. She was invited to my bridal shower and didn’t attend because she had “too much going on.” We never see eachother even tho we only live 1hr away from eachother. We Only talk via text. I had a lot of issues with this. A LOT. I have been depressed over this and sad and angry. But over the years I eventually accepted that our friendship was different than “typical” friendships but she was still special to me and helped me in ways I am forever indebted. I know this all sounds very sad but I’m truly fine and made my peace with it. Just sharing because I feel like it can relate slightly.



I do agree with other posters about waiting until 2024 to ask your bridesmaids and MOH. And also keep your expectations low for anyone in your bridal party. Good luck with whatever you decide!

View Quoted Comment That story does relate alot! Thank you so much for sharing that with me im glad you have accepted what it is and moved on from it. I guess i just havent gotten there but one day i will since things are showing more and more everytime i speak to her. I appreciate your advice it goes a long way with my thoughts!!
I am waiting to ask anyone in my bridal party or MOH i just posted it to see what people opinions are since its been on my mind when i got engaged!

I want to share a few different experiences with you from my life. I was asked to be the MOH for a high school friend where she lived in TX and I lived in NY, and the wedding was in our hometown in KS. She wanted to honor me as her oldest friend, but she knew that I would not be able to do a lot of the traditional things (shower, bachelorette party, dress shopping, etc). So she asked me to be MOH but said that her roommate (also a bridesmaid) was willing to take on all the roles I couldn’t fulfill. I was able to help with things around the wedding date, and I was able to make it out for a little bit of planning, picking flowers and cake, and gave a MOH speech. I actually really appreciated that she gave me an out for the heavy lifting.


I actually modeled that for my own wedding party. MOH lives in France, I live in OR, wedding is in my FH’s home state of VA. Bridesmaid in NY is planning the wedding weekend, sister/bridesmaid in WA helped with dress shopping. My MOH will show up early to help with final details and probably plan a spa day. They are all able to show up in their own way and totally understand.
Then there is that one person I had thought for years would be in my wedding party that I decided not to ask to be a bridesmaid. I’d just had increasingly less enjoyable interactions with her over the last few years. I realized that we became close due to circumstance, not due to actual connection. I realized we have different values in life, that she doesn’t really know me as well as I’d thought, and while I still wish her well, I didn’t feel like I needed her backing me up on my wedding day. All the others I desperately want backing me up on my wedding day. So I opted not to ask her. I’d had conversations with her in years past about being in my bridal party, but in the end, I realized that while she was a good friend for a time, she’s not a forever type of friend.
So there are ways to make accommodations to include people, even unreliable or unavailable people, if you really want them there. But there is nothing wrong with taking this moment to acknowledge the friendship isn’t what it used to be, and you don’t actually want to give them that role in your life anymore.

Sharing my experience. I got engaged in January 2022 and got married December 2022. I asked my 5 bridesmaids quickly (due to excitement) that January. A lot of outside responses I received were shocking from other people who wanted to be in the wedding, and I didn't really realize that we were that close in the first place. So dealing with people's unexpected reactions for the entire year was a lot. I would recommend asking in advance but not any earlier than you absolutely need to (which was advice I had read and ignored). Friendships do change quickly. I made other friends in that time period, and we also got very close, which got confusing since they were never included due to our parties being picked. I loved all the individuals in our bridal party. It worked out better than I could have imagined. Some out of state bridesmaids could not make the bachelorette (which I knew ) so others took on that task, and I had a blast with an entirely different group of people (and some of the bridal party). So also consider that you could have different friend group including people in the wedding but inviting a majority outside of the bridal party. Mine was a girls weekend. Other people like to participate (and have the money to participate) in those types of events and support you! You can also choose to have two MOHs. I had a matron of honor (my sister) and a maid of honor (my best friend), so they were able to split those tasks (that they chose and wanted to do on their own/not out of my expectations). If one is unable to show (completely absolutely ok), the other one can be there to support you as well! Then you really could have the best of both worlds, and if she just wanted to show in the dress for the wedding that could be how she celebrates you!

This typically gets made into a bigger issue than it needs to be. Each couple has a 24 hour period to celebrate the wedding day. Countless families and friend groups have multiple weddings in the same month/season/year with no problem. As long as the weddings are not on the same day, they are doing nothing wrong.