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Just Said Yes May 2022

Best friend isn’t making it to my wedding.

Amber, on November 19, 2022 at 2:10 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 11
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So my best friend just told me she won’t be able to make it to my wedding which is out of the country. The thing that really gets me here is that I was in her wedding a year ago. I made sure that I made it, got the expensive dress she wanted me to and stayed in the fancy hotel she stayed at. And now her excuse is that they can’t afford it. I looked and flights are $600 which isn’t that steep. Her and her husband have good jobs. I’m just super annoyed. I expected a lot of people not to come but I figured the ones that had me in their wedding would make an effort to make it. Oh yeah, I also had a nursing baby and toddler and wasn’t doing to well financially and still made it to hers.

11 Comments

Latest activity by Rosebud, on November 22, 2022 at 6:05 PM
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    While it's okay to be disappointed that she can't make it to your wedding, you can't decide for her what's within her budget. Because even though you feel $600 isn't steep to others that's a lot of money. Plus there are other costs besides just flights. She could have things you are unaware of going on that spending that kind of time and money to travel to another country isn't doable. Also you didn't say but did she actually tell you she can't attend due to the cost or are you assuming that?
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    Nevermind about assuming it's due to cost. I just saw you said that's her reason for being unable to attend and unfortunately it won't let me edit my response.
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  • Caryn
    Devoted November 2023
    Caryn ·
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    I'm afraid this is the risk of having an international destination wedding. It's not just money, it's time off work to travel that far away (even good jobs have lousy vacation policies). Just because you were able to do it for her wedding and the $600 isn't a lot to you, doesn't mean she can. Totally understandable to be disappointed, but not angry or resentful.

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  • N
    NewEnglandSettler Online ·
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    Ugh. That sucks that your best friend won’t be there. Hopefully this won’t be a friendship ending event as you have a lifetime of opportunities to play a part in each others’ ups and downs. It’s great that she was able to share with you her reasoning… you mention that you weren’t in the best financial position last year so I’m guessing that you can at least understand her concern even if you don’t agree with her decision?
    Good luck with everything.
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  • Jm Sunshine
    Jm Sunshine ·
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    A destination wedding not only includes airfare, but lodging, transportation, passport (if out of country), extra time off work...It's okay that you're disappointed but you said yourself you're not expecting a lot of people to come. Just because you're in someone's wedding doesn't mean it goes both ways and anything can happen in a year (pregnancies, illness, mortgages, a nosediving economy...).
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  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
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    That sucks that she won't be able to make it, but this is the risk when having a destination wedding (especially international).

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    It’s ok to be disappointed that she can’t make it. It’s not ok to assume that you know every single detail about her combined/lone finances/schedule/personal issues, because not everyone feels comfortable sharing those details outside of their significant other. Nor is it your place to judge her abilities and validity as a friend because something is not able to work out. If she says she can’t afford it, believe her.
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Sorry to hear that, but unfortunately that happens with destination weddings. It’s something you can’t avoid. Also i wouldn’t decide for her what’s affordable, because you don’t know.

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  • M
    VIP August 2021
    Michelle ·
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    I'm sorry your bestie can't come. She's married now so her financial moves are more than just about her wants. She & her husband have a plan for their future & they don't have to legitimize it to you, even if you are BFFs. You'll soon see ppl will make assumptions about your own married $, but it's no one's business except yours. Feel your feelings, believe your friend, & move on. It doesn't have to be a friendship ending situation if you don't let it be.
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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    I agree with everyone else that you shouldn't "spend other people's money" (i.e., make assumptions about what other people can afford). So, sure, be sad, she can't afford to attend your wedding, but If you want to remain best friends with her then you will need to do everything you can not to hold this against her. Weigh your deep friendship of X years against the one day of your wedding and try to see which side of the scale is more important.

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  • R
    Rockstar
    Rosebud ·
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    Oh man that is a bummer. But it is a big ask to expect people to travel out of the country for a wedding. Id tell your friend you are sad she can't make it but hopefully the 2 of you and your spouses can celebrate locally after the big event. Sending you a big hug best of luck!Smiley heart

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