Best friend/ moh sabotage

It doesn't seem like you're much of friends anymore. I understand where your feelings are coming from, but she's an adult who can make her own decisions. Try taking a huge step back, but always leave the door open for friendship!

I have been dating my fiance for 5 years. We get married June 2020. My best friend had been dating her fiance for almost 6 months when they got engaged. They're getting married in April 2020. (Sidenote: I have another bridesmaid getting married May 2020.) No part of me was upset about her getting married sooner than me. It's two months! No one will remember who was married first 5 years from now, if they even remember you were married the same year. It's definitely enough time for your bridesmaids to get off the train from that wedding and onto the train for yours. Especially if you're saying no one is supporting her relationship, why are you worried about hype being taken away from you if you're saying there is no hype for her wedding? That also brings it to another point, which I know, may sound kind of extreme, but hear me out. If it's just that you don't like this guy, that's one thing, but if they're doing and dealing hard drugs, and aren't good for your BEST friend...standing as a bridesmaid means you are standing in SUPPORT of the relationship. Is that really something you want to do? I remember when my best friend was dating someone I truly thought was destructive, if she had decided to marry him, I do not think I would have stood by her, I would have sat her down and heavily explained why and suggest she go to couples counseling and listen to what everyone was saying about him. I would not be a good friend to just say "well, if this is what you're really going to do, I'll stand and support you". If it is someone who is TRULY physically or emotionally causing harm, you are a good friend for saying "No, I can't support this, it's not a good thing." (Once again, this only applies if that guy is straight up terrible, not if you just don't like him because he smoked at a wedding one time.) Try to not get caught up in the drama of it all: she is about to make the biggest decision of her life and you truly think your best friend, who you should consider a wonderful, beautiful person, is about to marry someone you compare to garbage. Drop all the other stuff, this should be a post where you ask what you should do to help her!

I do want to address the jealousy aspect of what you're saying though, and say that I understand it. Like, 1000%. As I said, my best friend is getting married two months before me. She bought a wedding dress that was exactly what I had described I wanted. We want to wear our hair kind of the same way. We want the same flowers. We want the same colors, our styles are super similar, etc etc. Now, I'm not saying your initial emotions are wrong. It was all one day when she was talking about her wedding stuff and I realized it was super similar to what I was thinking and she bought the dress, I went home and kinda freaked out for the night (not gossiping to friends, not posting on social media, just crying to my fiance.) Ah! Why does she get to go first! Her wedding is all the people going to my wedding it'll seem weird! That's the exact dress I was talking about! This is the worst, of course she doesn't think it's a big deal this stuff is the same, her wedding is first! The next morning my fiance commented that he had literally never seen me like that.
I really didn't think I'd get over it. My emotions were probably right about where yours are now. The next morning, I texted her mom and asked what to do, if I was over reacting, how I should approach my friend about all this, and she calmed me down pretty well. The truth is, if they're a good friend, you can get through all this stuff with communication. I know now that at the end of the day, our weddings will be different enough, and the spots where they aren't, it just doesn't matter. We both deserve to have the weddings we want, and nothing is coming from a place of malicious intent, so why does it matter? (I will note, it sounds like you are worried that's the case with her, that it's malicious, which is the worst and I can't imagine how you're feeling.) We talked and she said if there's anything I'm uncomfortable with we'll find a compromise. We both found our dream dresses and they're 100% different. We really have checked in with each other on everything and communicated our thoughts. But I would have just sat in my anger for a good while if I hadn't addressed how I was feeling and that would have been wrong. It sounds like you both have some sorting out to do, but nothing that can't be solved by a conversation. But when you go into it, don't do it as a "Here's how I'm feeling and you need to know it will never change!". It needs to be a "I need to talk to you about this so we can clear the air and move on." And then you move on.

I think this is one of the realist and most unbiased comments I have ever read, and honestly one of the most helpful ones! This was so perfectly put. I agree with everything here! You need to set the emotions of this aside and get down to the facts and clear the air and move on. I hope the best for you in this situation I really do!

Why are you friends with this person? It doesn't sound like a good healthy friendship anymore to begin with. It's unfortunate she's doing this, but if she's always been self centered you can't expect her to change. Hopefully the mutual friends will be equally excited for both weddings!

Based on what I read, you and your FH have all your stuff together and done. They don't seem to understand that it is a heck of a lot of stress to plan something like a wedding let alone try to wedding jump/out-wedding a friend. They will very soon find out that her need to be "before you and outdo you" wasn't worth it. I hope you get to see that realization on her face. Have your wedding and enjoy the hell out of it for you. Forget the rest.

Look at it this way, if she has hers first, everyone will be momentarily focused on her at her wedding. Then, you get married. The attention will shift in your direction at your wedding. Congrats and good luck!